Jan 29, 2013 5:06am

^ this is the only one i've ever used, but i know one in particular - though supposedly mainstream and aimed at the general populace - is notorious for catering to hetero/monogamous relationships and christian "values." 

is that what you're speaking of?

okc does seem to have a relatively dense population of sick kinky bastards relative to, say, the people i encounter frequently at school.

but you'd think that would be a selling point, even for people who are against it. if people feel more comfortable being open with their kinks, it seems less likely that you'd enter into a relationship with someone only to be surprised far down the road with something previously repressed. 


Jan 29, 2013 9:20am


is that what you're speaking of?


No. eHarmony is even worse. It took a court-order to force them to admit gay people, for one thing. (And they didn't even do it on their regular website. They created a separate, gay ghetto website just for them, so they wouldn't "taint" their main website.)

but you'd think that would be a selling point


You must not have spent much time around the common estupidi ignorami subspecies of human then.

One of the founders of eHarmony, for example, was heavily involved in an organization that tries to "de-program" gay people.



Jan 29, 2013 10:37am

The newer lawsuit was settled in California yesterday. eHarmony will add its name to Compatible Partners, link it from the main eHarmony website alongside its Jewish, black, Christian and senior portals

i suppose i could find the truth of this out for myself, but this description (from a mashable article) makes them sound sort of...separatist.


Jan 29, 2013 10:40am

i would like to see an insodus international


Jan 29, 2013 4:26pm

It doesn't really bother me. I openly post that I'm trans in my profile, otherwise I identify as a girl. Naturally though I wish there were more options for bigender, genderfluid, queer folk, etc. but as it stands unless you only identify as purely androgynous (which you can also point out in your profile) it seems like a bit of a non issue.

I don't think OkC is trans unfriendly but given the tiny margin of people who are or are interested in trans people I doubt this will be an issue OkC will touch for awhile.


Feb 2, 2013 8:07am

Maybe a nonbinary gender selection would actually help. You don't want to list all possible gender identities, it would be difficult to search, so maybe just say male, female, other, and explicitly allow trans people to also check female or male.


Feb 2, 2013 7:55pm

If OKC did end up adding trans status to the details sidebar, I wonder how many of the people clamoring for the change would start complaining about how trans people were implicitly othered, and outed in an easily searchable match parameter.


Feb 3, 2013 3:28am

I neglected to mention earlier, and was reminded when I ran across this again recently, that someone has written a site-modification script for OkCupid that gives those who use it a way to add various new gender, sexual-preference and lifestyle parameters to OkCupid profiles.

It's called OkChoices, and with a bit of work you should be able to use it on most major full-function web browsers, including Opera. (which isn't in the list provided by the author)

Take a look at what it does here.

The catch is that it requires both the profile-owner and profile visitors to install the script. But I was pleased to discover that it looks like over 8,000 people have already installed it, which is not bad at all for a script like this.

(Caveat: I have not used this and I do not vouch for either its efficacy or security, so if you're worried about any of those things or aren't comfy installing mysterious things into your web browser, I'd recommend leaving it alone.)



Feb 4, 2013 7:45am

^^ if people self-identify, they can't be "outed."

i think it might be useful to have the option, but those options are used not primarily for self-expression, but rather for others to winnow results.

if you're MtF, you might wish to identify as female, be thought of as female, and address the reassignment only through your profile.

the question this brings up is, if you're trans, what's more important to your identity? is it the "trans" status, or is it the gender with which you identify?



Feb 4, 2013 1:11pm

if you're trans, what's more important to your identity? is it the "trans" status, or is it the gender with which you identify?

It varies between individuals... but I think ideally, they'd care more about being seen as the gender they ascribe to. Referring to themselves as trans is done maybe for the sake of a sense of community with other people in their situation.


Like... in regards to this thread... any MtF would want to be seen as a woman, and any FtM would want to be seen as a man... but many would be willing to describe themselves as trans to weed out anyone who would not treat them thusly.


Feb 8, 2013 2:15pm

As someone who considers themselves trans and preferring to date like minded people, I would find it very helpful to have more options when it came to gender.  It would kind of be a heads up for guys looking for Betty Crocker that they have come to the wrong damn table.

I should correct that: "Someone who considers themselves 'gender challenged' with the hopes of transitioning one day prior the death of several opposing family members."


Feb 8, 2013 2:30pm

I mean "following the death"  Damnit!  Try to be funny and ruin the punch line


Feb 8, 2013 10:07pm

About the OP I've noticed the same thing with the huge lack of sexuality options as well I just copy/pasted the definition of pansexuality to my self-summary but I do think the mainstream folk be damned there should be more choices in both fields!  


Feb 9, 2013 9:12am

Maybe OkCupid could integrate a secret... whatever thing for anyone who identifies beyond the current vanilla spectrum.


Like anyone signing up immediately would only be offered the option for Male/Female, Straight/Bi/Gay... but then if they meet some criteria (I don't know what, maybe putting the phrase "mtf" or "ftm" or anything that falls outside of lgbtq issues, but is still considered taboo like polyamory, fursuiting, bdsm, whatever...) Okcupid opens up additional options for their search panel... and they can identify as trans, or trans accepting, or a bondage fetishist, or whatever... and then everyone who actually isn't a closed minded asshole will be like "Hey, now I can find people who share my interests more easily." whereas everyone who is a closed-minded asshole won't even know it's happening, and can go about their daily lives in blissful ignorance.


That way, everyone can get what they want, and OkCupid doesn't have to worry about losing its bigot demographic.


Mar 21, 2013 5:04am

Awesome thread, and I feel that it's important that the site make SOME kind of provision.


Mar 23, 2013 12:33pm

Hmm, how about an additional tickbox for "genderqueer". Or a gender option called "It's Complicated". :P



Mar 24, 2013 4:16am

It's hard to be exhaustive, so they stick to what is common, uncontroversial, and easy to define. Heck, they don't even let you put divorced as a relationship status any more, which they used to do. Forced mystery.


Mar 24, 2013 10:43am

How is "Divorced" a useful status?  If you're unattached and looking for someone, "Single" should cover all your bases.


Mar 24, 2013 11:27am

Wasn't complaining, just saying they used to do it and now they don't. This is a site that has removed features and options for years. It doesn't seem likely they're going to add much. 


Mar 24, 2013 11:30am

one of the pretty pretty girls on the forums is a ts but only tells guys around the time she arranges to actually meet them. guess who

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