Apr 11, 2012 2:15pm

Actually it's an alternative dating site, Sandy.

Which is cool because it straddles the fence between something like Match.com and AFF.

Plus the OP isn't defending rude or crass messaging at all! Quite the contrary. He's actually tired of the vitriolic and accusatory reactions he gets from women when they find out he's open to the idea of no-strings- attached fucking (imagine that).


As for men who tell you they won't have anything to do with women who tell them "I wanna fuck your brains out"?

Ha! It must get lonely at the top. 


Apr 11, 2012 2:32pm

DOC, it USED to be alternative, now that IAC, or whatever company bought it, it's becoming more vanilla by the minute.

He's actually tired of the vitriolic and accusatory reactions he gets from women when they find out he's open to the idea of no-strings- attached fucking (imagine that).

THAT'S what I was saying; women do NOT like that. Even if they are into it, they don't feel that it should be blatantly talked about/advertised by men.  I'm talking the majority here, Doc.

As for men who tell you they won't have anything to do with women who tell them "I wanna fuck your brains out"?

What I was saying is that a lot of men (the same as women) feel that that kind of message is a turn off. Let's not kid ourselves here, you are on the fringes of society as far sexual morals go.



Apr 11, 2012 2:48pm

No offense, Sandy but I certainly don't need to be reminded of how of vanilla this place is. In the meantime though I've met and had "casual sex" with three different attractive ladies since being back on okc for only a few months. I've also turned down a a couple. You know why? That's right... sluts can have standards.

Therefore (and once again with all due respect) (cause you know I like you) when you say "women do NOT like that", I'm not sure which women you'd be referring to.

One of the golden rules of sexual politics here in Vanillaville is the "I'm Not a Slut" rule... and both parties play it.

Women will play it because while they're looking for monogamy they want to be chased.

Men will play it because it reassures the ladies that they have standards.

All the OP is commenting on is the hysteria he's encountered surrounding the subject.

I think his first post is right on the money.


As far as the "fringes" of society are concerned I've no problem with the concept of casual sex being a turn off to many. I'm not concerned about them and never have been

It's the few I'm interest in and the last time I checked honesty was still moral.






Apr 11, 2012 3:00pm

I don't get why there has to be so much innuendo and secrecy involved in this issue (which is I'm sure what the OP is saying.) If a chic is DTF, she should just say so. If a guy is DTF, there's nothing wrong with making that clear. Why all the judgment and labels attached? It's just sex. 


On the other hand, for those of us who (mostly) are not just DTF, we'd like to know that the person we're meeting is at least open to more...relationships are pretty fluid, especially at the beginning. We might be open to anything, but we'd like to know if there's a brick wall or line we cannot cross, upfront.


Apr 11, 2012 3:09pm

That's precisely why I'm completely open and honest about being DTF, Miss Smacks.

Most guys are DTF. Only many of them need to keep their balls tucked in around here for the reasons already mentioned on this thread.

Nothing hew there. But that's not what the OP's talking about. What he's talking about is the intensity of anger that's incurred from certain women when he honestly and politely explains his trip.

It's ironic.



Apr 11, 2012 3:19pm

I used to have casual sex listed in my profile, but I got tired of cautious, probing questions about what it "means" that it's in there from women.

"Hey, so... I noticed that your profile has casual sex in it. Just wondering, but what does that mean?"


Apr 11, 2012 3:26pm



Apr 12, 2012 5:08am

As is suggested to many of the men sending these kind of messages, go to AFF.

The reason they are on here sending those messages is because sites like AFF don't work. The ratio of men to women on those sites is greater than 15:1 - men DO NOT get recognized on those sites, so they come here. Or probably more accurately, they come here as well.


Apr 12, 2012 6:20am

"Hey, so... I noticed that your profile has casual sex in it. Just wondering, but what does that mean?"

You should have replied "I'll gladly explain to you what it means.... in private, ifyouknowwhatImean! *Nudgenudge winkwink*"


Apr 12, 2012 6:45am

In fairness, it is definitely possible that part of the vitriol against me in particular is because of the riff-raff and their endless hunting/probing messages looking for a quick lay. The error comes in grouping me in with those men, because I am FAR from the vapid horndogs who troll for some quick strange. I use the term FMB exclusively, because I AM in relationships with my partners. We're friends, we hangout with each other, we do social stuff. It's not just "come over, bang, and GTFO." What pisses me off is when I make the distinctions clear yet get discarded because I'm still "just one of those guys..." If I were merely "one of those guys", I don't think I'd ever get laid, because I am certainly no better than a 6 in looks and have neither the money nor the fame to overcome my looks. My value comes in the fact that I AM different than the riff-raff. I actually do emotionally connect. I actually do engage in conversation, happily, when my partner just wants to talk. I actually do place value in just making out or cuddling. It's not all about the sex. It's about being a partner, just not a committed, exclusive one.

I can see that some women may be so jaded as to believe that a man like me cannot exist, so by default, I am riff-raff. And I don't expect a woman's entire outlook on life flip upside down to my "overwhelming sexuality" or something, but don't put me down, insult me, suggest that you are too good for me, try to help me realize I am lying to myself about the value of my intentions. Just say "Thanks, but no thanks" and let us both go about our lives.


Apr 12, 2012 7:50am

I doubt that, Mr. Pork.

Which is to say although I'm not privy to the entire context of your private correspondences, what you've described is all too commonplace.

Personally I am a horndog who loves quality strange (if you wish to use that descriptor). However I'm also honest and polite.

It's as if you're saying "Gee, I can't blame her for being a rude hysterical bitch because people have been rude to her before."

We're all adults here and that's no excuse. 





Apr 12, 2012 9:47am

I'll clarify: I can understand why I might be initially met with vitriol, because initially I may look and sound like riff-raff. But to the extent that I can define my differences, then yes I agree with you: we are all adults, we should all be treating each other with respect and decency, and we should certainly NOT be judging books by their covers. Because there is a great deal more within my covers (and between the sheets =->) that separates me from the riff-raff.

And I completely understand the quality descriptor, and I definitely got a sense of that from her message, like I should have known that she was a "classy" enough chick that I should not have wasted my time talking to her about it, because i should have known she'd never go for it. Like, she's not "low-class" like that. But, like I explained to her, that's just the thing: I brought it up BECAUSE she was such a classy chick, not DESPITE it. If I merely wanted to get laid, I'd be better off trolling the bars, using AFF or simply paying for it. But that's not what I'm after. I'm after quality. The professional woman who has a MS degree and owns her own house who sleeps with me after the first date WILL still be respected by me in the morning, because she's a respectable person. The unemployed, overweight smoker with no education technically will also not be disrespected in the morning, but only because I won't be having sex with her in the first place, hence I won't lose respect for her in the morning. And part of the reason why I won't have sex with her is because I doubt I could respect her in the morning, because I'm not very impressed with the person she is outside of anything sexual. Why put myself in a bad situation when the resulting sex won't be that enjoyable anyway?

This is not an issue of "guys will bang anything that walks", because I DON'T bang anything that walks. I only bang the upper echelon of chicks, only quality women. If women would only understand this, they would be able to politely reject me without disrespecting me (and hopefully take my advances as a compliment which is how they are intended), or take me up on the offer and discover that I am, in fact, an emotionally mature and connected man who can be good for her in many ways, not just sexual. It is very often the "other ways" that make sex enjoyable for women, not merely the physical act of sex itself.


Apr 12, 2012 10:01am

So, OP, why can't you just go about your dating/sex life the way you just described, without even mentioning the casual sex? Because people DO live the exact life you described, but don't have the hassle of being hassled about it. I've dated two men that have put on their profiles that they're into freaky sex. One told me he put that on there, because if THAT'S the only thing the women focused on out of his whole profile, he wasn't interested in them. The other told me that he put that on there to weed out the women he would not be interested in.

Also, OP, sometimes people message others on here just to give them shit. They're in a mood to get into it with someone, or that is just their personality and they get off on it. One guy showed me a funny message he sent to a woman that had casual sex on her profile. He said that he had some condoms that were about to expire and wondered if she'd help him out. I thought it was hilarious, but apparently she didn't.


Apr 12, 2012 10:03am

I think this is what it boils down to here; reactions about how the ladies feel about seeing it in your profile. The ones who are enraged are probably disappointed, but it doesn't excuse their rants. I might have never looked for that particular arrangement, but I don't think I ever vented on a guy who contacted me either. 

At any rate, DrGenius, okc was originally a humor site and I've since stuck around mainly to play in the forums. With all of the disclaimers in my profile, I rarely get messages (and even more rarely, get messages from guys whining that I'm on a dating website). 

OP, that's where our similarities are. People reading our profiles are disappointed (or disapproving or disgusted or whatever) that we are not what they expected. 


Apr 12, 2012 10:05am

Whenever someone says "casual sex", my first thought is two people who just casually bump into each other and next thing you know, end up humping each other.


Apr 12, 2012 10:30am

When I hear the term "casual sex", my first thought is wearing jeans to church or the theater, or having drinks with co-workers. "Sex" doesn't really pop into my head at all.


Apr 12, 2012 10:40am

lI still think everyone is over-thinking this.

What it boils down to is a double standard. Which is unfortunate. A woman can be openly seeking "casual sex" but what many of her suitors will turn out to be is a pervy douche who sees her as a cumbucket, otherwise a potentially great guy who will also see her as a cumbucket. It's just as hard for a female to find the right type of guy to have casual sex with as it is for a guy who's looking for that same thing, read:

We're friends, we hangout with each other, we do social stuff. It's not just "come over, bang, and GTFO."

It's the same with dating. Everyone has their preferences. They aren't easy to fulfill. It doesn't matter if you're male or female, looking for casual sex, a relationship, or just a date. It's not easy.

But in the same vein, the other side of that standard is that women who DON'T think like that think that men who DO are those pervy douches. Neither side can win as long as the other side has those polar opposites. And guess what? That shit's not going to change.


Apr 12, 2012 11:04am

When I hear the term "casual sex", my first thought is wearing jeans to church or the theater, or having drinks with co-workers.

Dude....  ...... you're sick :)


Apr 12, 2012 11:27am

Makes sense Fat. I just wish you were wrong. I don't judge people for feeling how they do about anything, but I get judged all the time. Sucks to be on the receiving end of that all the time. Getting judged all the time is why I got divorced! It sucked then and it sucks now!


Apr 12, 2012 11:42am

I got gauche mixed up with gaucho


I didn't see any Argentine Cowboys ITT

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