Jun 23, 2011 8:26am

I never send messages, but whenever I get them they almost never respond after I've replied the first time, and if they respond to that first message from me it's over by the second. I'm sure that I either come off as depressingly boring or completely insane, probably both.

I stopped caring a long time ago, or maybe I never really cared in the first place. I don't really remember.


Jun 24, 2011 11:27pm

It's hard to have a conversation when you don't really have any conversation starters. That and it's hard to find something to talk about sometimes. :\


Jun 25, 2011 5:50am

errortzandl would be wasting his time sending a message to a woman. That's what happens when your profile photo makes you look like Charles Manson's doppleganger.


Jun 25, 2011 12:10pm

I guess the best way to find out is through experimentation.


Therefore, I am now going to start a conversation. Anyone feel free to respond and we will continue developing this interaction and then see if it dies. And if it does, we will have a little interview to discuss why we think it died.

Ok, here goes...



Hey, how's it going?


Jun 26, 2011 7:50pm

Weeeeeellllll, I guess there's the proof we needed. Two days since that last post and nothing. Talk about a conversation dying before it even began. Thank you everyone for playing. I think we got the whole theory pretty well illustrated. Goodbye.


Jun 26, 2011 11:23pm

It's good. Sorry I couldn't reply I was busy playing tennis... for two days straight.


Jun 27, 2011 9:00am

Too late, tennis boy. You just killed an opportunity of having a date with me ;)


Jun 29, 2011 8:09am

Is "Hey, how's it going?" supposed to be like an initial message?  Cuz I'd say this experiment went totally how one would expect it to go in practice.


Jul 1, 2011 9:16am

Is "Hey, how's it going?" supposed to be like an initial message?  Cuz I'd say this experiment went totally how one would expect it to go in practice.

Depends. I sometimes do begin a conversation like that. It is after all a pretty valid opening message, isn't it? It's at least grammatically neat, as opposed to "yo wuzzup ur hot".


Jul 1, 2011 9:48am

"How's it going?" is nice to say, but...  You never really know what to say. Do they really want to know? I could go off on a long & detailed explanation if they do.  "Great, thanks." isn't a conversation starter. "Pretty good, and you? isn't that much better.


Jul 2, 2011 6:42pm

usually because people give very boring responses


Jul 4, 2011 1:08am

It's obviously because we/they lose interest in your lack of attention grabbing, or you're fat and lack jokes.


Jul 4, 2011 12:11pm

Because the entire contact turns out to be an impossible dream. She may live 500 miles away. Maybe as few as 50. But has family and friends there, including kids or grandkids. So she's not about to pull stakes. And what about you. Are you willing to commit lock, stock and barrel to a relationship that may fizzle out in 6 months, leaving you high and dry in strange surrroundings? With no friends? Trial weekends together, if you have to dough to finance them, may artifically strengthen your resolve to get together. But it's a crap shoot no matter how you look at it. And if you're really into each other, a long distant relationship, would be mighty hard to swallow. Unless you're into cybersex, which is a sad substitute for the real thing. In the cold reality of the morning, it just ain't worth it. Bye.


Jul 4, 2011 12:17pm

Forget 6 months! Start small. Try 2 weeks.


Jul 4, 2011 1:43pm

^ Congratulations.  You're relationships are still lasting twice as long as most of mine.


Jul 4, 2011 3:38pm

If there is an attraction on both sides, the conversations will continue to run smoothly for months. But it has to be from both sides. Timing is everything here. I had a half-hearted first few messages (and a phone convo) with a guy from POF that quickly fizzled because he was in another relationship at the time, and was ending it. After he was totally out of it, which was months later, we hooked up and boy did the sparks fly!

So, I would say, don't lament the convos that die. Appreciate the fact that you didn't waste too much time on them at the time.


Jul 4, 2011 3:47pm

Ugh, that's an awful mental picture.

But the sentiment is correct - for conversations to work, both people genuinely have to want to talk to each other.

Much of the time on dating sites, you simply don't have the other person's undivided attention.


Jul 4, 2011 3:55pm

^I should also add that I was half hearted at the time also. I don't remember why, but I really didn't care that much. When I saw his profile back on, months later and contacted him, the timing was right for both of us, and things went from 0-180 very quickly.


Jul 9, 2011 11:39pm

What's annoying to me is the women who will do that in response to a detailed message. Even getting no response is probably better than getting 2 word responses. If it's up to the guy to initiate all conversations then it gets annoying pretty quick when you get lame responses.


Aug 5, 2011 10:43am

because people initiate conversations with out having bothered to think of something to talk about. you have this massive volume of info in front of you about the person - the profile, questions, tests, journals, comments forums....but most guys cant be bothered with step one, the profile. they ask generic questions, maybe one or two, and feel entitled to some form of entertainment. like everything else in life - your result is directly proportional to the effort you put in. a girl cant give you credit for all the other girls you tried to hit on before her.

Post a comment