Sep 9, 2009 9:18pm

So, I've been under the impression for a while that people dated in order to get to know eachother.

However, since trying to date on Okcupid, Ive noticed that girls want to get to know me BEFORE they'll go out with me *scratches head*

How exactly does one go about this?? Guys, how have you done this with women, and women, how much do you want to get to know a guy online before you'll at least meet him in public? I mean, it seems to me that most of the stuff I'm willing to reveal about myself over the internet is on my profile.



Sep 9, 2009 9:23pm

Send a message or two, agree to IM, then exchange phone numbers. From there arrange a time to meet. I'm exhausted now!


Sep 9, 2009 10:26pm

Under most circumstances, I will not talk to a local woman online for more than a week or so without making definite plans, for reasons I have previously given.

Sep 9, 2009 10:43pm

how is this any different than offline dating? you meet someone, you talk to them, then you decide you'd like to go on a date with them and get to know eachother better. aside from the occasional blind date set up by a third party, or maybe a speed-dating sort of situation, you have an idea of who a person is before you go on a date with them. otherwise, you wouldn't be going out with them in the first place.


Sep 9, 2009 10:48pm

The way to get to know someone is by having conversations with them. Interacting with them in person can facillitate the process (or hamper it) but there's no reason you can't get to know someone through online conversations.


Sep 9, 2009 11:17pm

You get to know people online via email & chat, many may feel it's as much what is initially said as letting time be the proof of consistency in what you've told them, before feeling comfortable to meet. If you stop looking at this less as an introduction agency and more as just another social arena where over time you can develop a mutual connection with people who then want to meet, you may feel less frustrated. 


Sep 10, 2009 2:36am

^ Bad idea.

Sep 10, 2009 5:05am

Personally, my way seems to be like all of the other replies. Have a conversation with the person of interest, unless you just want to walk into it blind and learn things about them upon meeting them. Read their profile thoroughly, because often they contain a lot about the person from which you can learn from. From there talk to them and ask them questions you may have come  up with after reading their profile. Getting to know someone just takes time and good communication skills.

Good luck.


Sep 10, 2009 6:09am

You interact with them over e-mail and IM, and get a sense of whether or not their spontaneous interactions match their profile.  You can also exchange other profile info (meetup.com, facebook, linkedIn, wherever,)  to further establish their credibility in the real world.

No one really knows where the profile content comes from.  Some people misrepresent themselves, you know.


Sep 10, 2009 6:14am

^ Lies. :)

Sep 10, 2009 7:20am

OP, the answer is irrelevant. Any time a girl tries to pull that shit on me (where I ask her to meet, and she says "I don't know you yet!") I remind her that the point of a first date, or dating in general, is to get to know someone. You don't need to have an indepth idea of someone's personality to see a movie or grab a drink. Just be safe, be in public, and be fun. BTW, 60% of the time, saying that works every time.


Sep 10, 2009 8:01am

OP, are you sure "I don't know you yet" doesn't mean "I'm not interested?"


Sep 10, 2009 8:03am

I remind her that the point of a first date, or dating in general, is to get to know someone.

does this mean you can't know anything about a person before agreeing to go on a date with them? is it absolutely necessary that your only conversation with them prior to the first date consists solely of making plans for said date?

yes, the purpose of dating is to get to know eachother. but taking it to the extreme and demanding that dating be the only way you get to know eachother is counterproductive and downright silly.


Sep 10, 2009 8:06am

I "know" a lot of people online...in the biblical sense. Message me and I will show you how. (have your credit card handy, and I do offer a military discount)


Sep 10, 2009 8:36am

Listen to the opposite of what Egg tells you above. Look at it this way. You get to let the girl, or several, get to know you before dropping 50 bucks on dinner.


Sep 10, 2009 8:44am

^ Wrong, hombre. You don't spend fifty bucks on date one, and you don't spend a month of your life talking to someone just to find that the connection is not there in person or that you have nothing to talk about on a date because you spilled it all in an IM window. Also, after a while, people get comfortable with the status quo and the inertia of not meeting.

Sep 10, 2009 8:53am

If you spill it all in an IM window and run out of things to talk about, wasn't going anywhere in the first place.


Sep 10, 2009 8:56am

Perhaps, but I place a pretty big emphasis on proximity. Initially getting to know someone in person is qualitatively different than learning about her via text alone.

Sep 10, 2009 8:58am

getting to "know" someone online just gives women that false sense of security that they mistakenly think that they need. we have been conditioned to believe that meeting people that we met online is somehow dangerous. however, just like people are afraid to fly despite all the statistical evidence pointing to its relative safety, a lot of women are simply not likely to change their minds on this issue. my advice would be to help a girl feel comfortable. if she wants to get to know you better, go with it for a while. just pull the plug if it seems to go on beyond your own comfort level.


Sep 10, 2009 10:15am

I agree with damather, except that you can skip the IM step most of the time, IMHO. You won't know if you have any real connection until you meet in person, so it's best not to invest too much of yourself too early. You can tell how comfortable someone is with you by how they respond anyway.

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