Jan 25, 2009 6:20am

we are looking for a girl to be come our girlfriend. Never know it was going to be this hard. Does anyone got any advice for us.

Jan 25, 2009 6:31am

sned me some pics and ill think bout it jussdome@yahoo.ca

Jan 25, 2009 6:41am

So I take it that you and your man (or girlfriend) what another female amoungst both of you, for relations, etc...? If that's the case (in my opinion) you two need to get out and "look around." I would suggest that you both don't approach them at the same time. Don't get me wrong, some women that are aggressive and opportunistic will want you to do that. On the other hand, I think the odds are more in your favor if you search her out separtly (spelling). Be together you and your other, but mingle around alone, for "she" is looking 2!!! Good luck to both of you!!! (one more idea/geez you go me going/sorry about that/both of you go out, bar, club, etc, and do something romantic where everyone can see you, while he/she is doing whatever to you - focus on a woman that you want - point your finger at her, use your finger and try to get her to you - if she does, and you did this in a PACKED bar/club/hot spot - you both are going to be "quite" surprised - for the one's you are looking for will hunt you DOWN - seriously) Make sure you both look HOT, and turn everyone one with your "behavior"....hehe...Tear 'em up sweety!!!

Jan 25, 2009 7:32am

Sorry 1storder, but that is kinda lame advice. Thats how you pick up a one night stand and an std. ahandc is looking for a 'girlfriend', not a one nighter. i have some practical experience with this, my wife and I are poly. thats 'polyamorous'. try looking for poly dating sites, support groups. Next tip, be patient. very patient. Just the fact that you are here is good, there are more bi and poly people on OKC than any other site ive found. Put an add on Craigslist, that has worked for us in the past as well. I think you are limited to looking online. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to identify people into the lifestyle just by looking at them. Be patient, it will take some time, you are looking for a diamond in the rough. Not only are you looking for a girl who is bi, and willing to have an open relationship, but you are looking for a match for you -and- your bf. hard to do. Expect to reject more than 90% of the people you contact online, and probably 60% of people you actually meet in person. Poly dating is a lot more complicated than regular dating. Im sorry, but its not going to be easy. Good luck. Feel free to write me if you are looking for links to poly support groups or other advice.

Jan 25, 2009 8:33am

thank you every one. we r looking 4 a girl in fl. and that you everyone for the advice.

Jan 25, 2009 8:42am

Finding a single bisexual female is often called searching for a unicorn. They are these mythical creatures everyone wants but can't seem to find. I WAS a single bi female at one time and the thing is while I enjoy being with men and women (and being with them at the same time), most couples looking for single bi women are often bi-curious women satisfying a male fantasy. What's in it for the single woman? Even if the female half of the couple is truly bi, often the other woman ends up feeling pretty darned expendable even in a friends with benefits situation. Again, what's in it for her? Perhaps the bi female half needs to cultivate her own relationships with women and then if everyone's comfortable, go into it with your guy as a next possible step. Or look for a similar couple.

Jan 25, 2009 3:10pm

I agree with myrddwn and Sara...having been in various short-term relationships. I know what I want, my wife knows what she wants, but finding someone who can meet BOTH of our needs AND meet all of her needs...that's almost impossible. You'll find plenty of short-term relationships, but doubtful anything long term will surface. Don't get me wrong...I hope you find what you're looking for. It seems the more time you spend looking for it, the longer it will take for you to find it. Just go out and have a good time and enjoy all that you can.

Jan 26, 2009 2:47am

It's so true. Most people think it is the man in the relationship looking to kink it up a bit and the woman just rolling along thinking it will save the relationship. The single bi poly woman is indeed a rare thing and you will see thousands of classifieds searching for her. The poly match and resource websites aren't really much help, infact most of them send couples here to OKC. I think you have an advantage in that you have quite a large community base in Florida, never mind the states itself. Just relax and go out to organised meetups, of which I'm sure there are quite a few close by to you

Jan 26, 2009 3:03am

Weird...I'm a pansexual polyamorous girl who lives 19 miles from you. That said, maybe my advice would be beneficial. I recommend opening up to the possibility of other relationships. Maybe the girl you find would only be interested in you and only want to be friends with your partner, or vice versa. Maybe the girl you find would be in other relationships already but would be interested in starting a relationship with one or both of you. A girl getting to know you might feel like she's trying to fill a role if relationship restrictions are already made at the start. Instead of looking for a specific thing, I recommend being open to what life has to offer.

Jan 26, 2009 3:56am

Hi, my boyfriend and I are looking for a girlfriend too so I feel your pain just don't give up join as many poly groups you can. I believe each state has a poly meeting group once a month you should try and online search I am in Orlando, fl and they definitely have a meeting group here Also, polyamorous girls are great!

Jan 26, 2009 4:53am

What you are trying to find is just about the hardest thing possible, as sarah said. Patience, honesty, and spell checking your profile will all be needed.

Jan 26, 2009 6:02am

Couples looking for the mythical hot-bi-babe...none ever looking for the awesomely dorky dude...Seriously, this social economy sucks!

On a more on-topic note, I agree with Koto...allow relationships to form as they do, and don't pigeon-hole them into a specific role YOU want to see filled...Forcing relationships into a box like that NEVER works.

Jan 28, 2009 9:46pm

Of course you're having difficulty.

You're competing with 12,772,435,901 other couples looking for the same thing. And I'm going to go out on a limb here: She can't have any other partners besides you. She has to be "equally" involved with both of you. You've already sat down and figured out exactly how you want the relationship to work. Am I right?

Here's the thing:

1. A bisexual woman who likes the idea of polyamory, who is sane and stable, and who has good relationship and communication skills, already has plenty of relationship opportunities. She's probably already in at least one relationship. Why should she give it up for you? What are you offering?

2. You already know how your life with her is going to go. You've decided with your partner what you both want, right? Well, people like having a vote in their own relationships. This bisexual woman you're after? She isn't going to want to just drop right in to your fantasy without being given a voice in the arrangements, agreements, and structures. People are people, not fantasy fulfillment objects.

3. The world is full of bisexual poly women. I'm dating three of them. The world is not full of bisexual poly women who are just dying to throw their lives into full stop so they can move in with you.

You want some better success? Try this: Don't look for someone to fit neatly into a space you have already carved out. Instead, meet people. Meet people without sizing them up for your bed. Get to know them as people. If oyu find a mutual spark of interest, don't assume that means you can now just expect her to become your combination live-in nanny and sex toy.

She's probably going to have her own ideas about how she wants her relationship to look. Don't expect her to drop them in order to conform to your fantasy. If the notion that she might have other partners threatens you, you might want to address that first.

Make sure your house is in order before inviting anyone else into it. If you think polyfidelity will prevent jealousy, think again. If you think that someone will be involved with both of you in exactly the same way, think again--it's not even possible. If you're starting with the idea that you can just get rid of her if anything goes wrong, do her a favor and don't even start.

Apr 14, 2009 5:22pm

Heh, we can't blame the economy for EVERYTHING, you know.

Apr 14, 2009 5:58pm

Hmm. I've actually considered messing around with a couple; but I'd never date one, simply because most straight MF couples who are looking for a bisexual girl have bizarre and/or overly-possessive demands that I simply won't tolerate. A few common problems I've noticed.:

1. Looking at personal ads & listening to lots of 'curious' couples, I get the sense that most of them think the girl should exist as a plaything for their use only - that it's totally ok for them to explore other partners, all while the bisexual girl has to restrict herself to having sex with only them, and no one else. Now, that sort of arrangement might be fine with some women, but not with me.

2. Straight women who only want to mess around with a girl in front of their man for his voyeuristic pleasure, or dudes who press their unenthusiastic girlfriends into doing this. Again, this might appeal to some women & that's fine; but it's not my thing. I'm definitely an exhibitionist; but like most people, I really don't enjoy sex unless the other person is enjoying it just as much or more than I am.

3. Unrealistic expectations about this mythical hot bisexual chick being equally attracted to both partners.

...and there's surely more; I just don't feel like typing it.

Apr 14, 2009 6:58pm

What tacit said. I've had several people approach me here about getting together with their wives... why is it always middle aged men who contact me and not the women? And why do these guys have such young wives? It doesn't sound all that appealing to me, to be honest. And don't think it's because I don't like older men. You should see my ex husband. Older than dirt.

Apr 14, 2009 7:20pm

go to iTunes- podcasts- Sex is Fun- Episode #170 it's labled threesomes, but gives some good hints on making it easier for couples to find another person to add to their relationship and visa versa.

Apr 14, 2009 7:26pm

Is it really that strange for a couple to NOT want the girl to be 'exclusive' with them? Maybe it is just a factor of my local poly community but putting such a restriction on the girl is not what I normally see. And perhaps once I wake up I'll remember how to form complete english sentences.

Apr 15, 2009 5:59am

Is it really that strange for a couple to NOT want the girl to be 'exclusive' with them?


Maybe it is just a factor of my local poly community but putting such a restriction on the girl is not what I normally see.

Well, the thing to remember is that inexperienced couples looking to add a "third" gnerally don't tend to be part of the poly community.

In my experience, people in the poly community very, very rarely look for a third to be with them and nobody else, but then again, people in the poly community are usually part of the poly community because they don't like restrictive models of sexuality.

The overwhelming majority of couples looking for a third--and believe me, I see and hear from a LOT of these couples--have little or no experience with polyamory and little or no contact with the poly community, except perhaps as a kind of feeding trough. These couples are almost always monogamous married couples looking to spice things up but still very threatened by the notion of open sexuality, so they try to cling to as much of monogamy as they can--almost always by looking for a third person (usually a bisexual female) who will be with both of them (because they think that will prevent jealousy) and will agree not to be involved with anyone else (because they think that's too threatening).

Apr 15, 2009 6:46am

You want some better success? Try this: Don't look for someone to fit neatly into a space you have already carved out. Instead, meet people. Meet people without sizing them up for your bed. Get to know them as people.

That sounds like great dating advice regardless of the type of relationship you're looking for.

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