Apr 8, 2013 5:20pm

I really have no idea how to go about finding the kind of relationship I'm looking for through standard OKC means, so I thought I would give this a try. I am a woman looking to become a part of a three person polyamourous relationship--either M/M or M/F. I am specifically looking to be a romantic partner and not just a sexual partner. Also, if anyone has some suggestions for places to go about trying to find this kind of arrangement I would be extremely grateful. Cheers!


Apr 8, 2013 6:10pm

Some unicorn hunters are looking for that.


Apr 8, 2013 8:28pm

I'm going to save you a lot of angst right now:

  • When I read swinger profiles, they actually seem open to the idea of friendships with other couples in addition to usual nakedness.  When I read "we're poly, we're all about love, not like those swingers", it has trainwreck written all over it.
  • (As the more general form, when someone doesn't talk about the virtues they have but rather the vices they don't, be wary.  Especially when they talk down about some other group as being vice-filled.)
  • Chicago has a decent kink scene.  (Actually several, so you get to pick and chose.)  Hell, Evanston probably has more than many smaller cities.  You have plenty of options for places to meet and interact with people, without the pressure of getting seriously involved with them.
  • There are several reasons that couples seeking thirds have a bad rep, but the big one to watch for is bait n' switch.  They try to sell hardcore D/s as some sort of hippie love-in.  You'll spot better matches if you focus on kink-positive questions and work with what the matching algorithm throws your way.  Just remember not to take getting serious/moving in with a couple any faster than you would getting serious/moving in with a normal single guy.

Apr 8, 2013 11:10pm

Thanks for the information and advice! I know that the last thing you said, about being careful with the getting-serious-and-moving-in thing is something I've made note to myself to watch for. Do you think that true three-way relationships are actually possible, if rare? Most of the stuff I've found on the internet is kind of discouraging. 


Apr 9, 2013 2:05am

I don't know how much posting in this forum will do for finding you an amiable couple, but just in case you'd better link some nudes.


Apr 9, 2013 7:51am

Do you think that true three-way relationships are actually possible

They are possible. I personally know one long-term, functional triad, and know of a couple others. Doesn't mean it's easy, though.


Apr 9, 2013 9:06am

Were I still an Evanstonian... and had any experience in the matter, I'd totally help you out...

But I suppose I'll settle for just telling you that you have to be careful and whatever.


Apr 10, 2013 9:59am


Apr 10, 2013 3:02pm

Do you think that true three-way relationships are actually possible, if rare?

It worked for Janet, Chrissy and Jack.


Apr 11, 2013 2:40am

Functional does not mean something is good, what9troller.

Apr 11, 2013 9:33am

Functional does not mean something is good, what9troller.

Just look at Christianity.


Apr 20, 2013 1:05am

OP, wish you lived in NY, we might like to meet you.


Apr 20, 2013 10:41pm

My last partner is in a domestic MFF relationship.  The guy is married to one woman and has a child with the other.  Has lasted five years thus far and still going strong. 

As another user said, is possible, just not common.

I have not checked your profile but if you list yourself as available and put the information from your first post in your About Me section then that would give similar minded poly folk a chance to find you.


Apr 26, 2013 11:48am

ive been called a unicorn ^_^


Apr 26, 2013 12:22pm

eh the OP looks like another bi girl her same age and state who I used to talk to.... Maybe it's her

Apr 27, 2013 4:56pm

Do you think that true three-way relationships are actually possible, if rare? Most of the stuff I've found on the internet is kind of discouraging. 

They are possible, there are quite a few around, but they tend to be the type of relationship people just starting to try out non-monogamy try out and just like relationships in middle school tend to blow up from lack of experience, they do too.

Generally the ones that pan out well are cases where no one was actually looking for a triad and it formed over time.  The relationships where people went in saying 'I/we want a triad and need to find someone to fill that specific relationship role' tend not to.


Apr 28, 2013 6:48am

@smashingmayo I don't think so! My hair was extremely long before and I don't remember your username, but I might be just being a space cadet on that.


Apr 28, 2013 11:00am

I'm an m wanting a fffff with all being 18.

May 8, 2013 1:04am

It can work.  I've been there.  In the Tampa area there are several long term (20+ year) three or greater members in a relationship.  


Go for friendship first.  It's too easy to let the giddy NRE (New Relationship Energy) overwhelm you.


There are a lot of unicorn hunters.. You might sample different people while dating, before settling down.   And yes, some of the men just want a bunch of women for themself.  Just make sure they are okay with you dating others... In my experience that separates the selfish from the selfless.


May 8, 2013 6:27am

i dont get people like OP...why would u wanna be 2 peoples 3rd wheel?  i dont understand non-monogomy

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