Jan 16, 2013 3:17pm

A guy on here kept sending me cute sweet messages every week for about 7 months. I told him I was not interested in starting a friendship with him because 1) he was too much younger than me, and 2) he lived too far away. He practically begged me to be his friend and so I told him I would give him a chance on one condition. We were to treat each other as equals and be open and honest. He agreed and things eventually got more hot as we texted our desires for each other almost everyday. However, he always gave me an excuse why he couldn't meet me....until today. I asked him why we couldn't just meet up for dinner tonight since it's been so difficult syncronizing our schedules. He said, because it would be too weird going on a dinner date with me. This man...or should I say immature bunghole has been texting me for almost a year talking to me about everything under the sun, and telling me how much he would love to have sex with me because I am so sexy etc.....BUT IT WOULD BE TOO WEIRD TO HAVE DINNER WITH ME! Are the men on here brain-dead? Because this is not the first one that said this to me. This dating site needs a place to expose these kinds of creepy users so other women don't fall for his sneaky con bullcrap.


Jan 16, 2013 3:46pm

It's not a con, it's not bullshit, and it's not sneaky. It's actually really common. Men are willing to fuck pretty much anything with a vagina and a pulse -- the pulse often being optional. But being seen out in public, especially in a romantic situation, with someone they view as existing on the "unsavory" end of the skank spectrum (or, at the least, not the kind of girl people would expect to see him with), lowers their standing, so to speak.

I'm genuinely surprised you're 47 and just now figuring that out.


Jan 16, 2013 3:57pm

It's also possible that for whatever reason, he'd rather keep his relationship with you on the fantasy level. Maybe he doesn't like actual sex with another person in the room, maybe he's afraid he won't fancy you in the flesh, maybe he's afraid you won't fancy him in the flesh, maybe he's not who he says he is; for all you know, he's 58 and married, right?


Jan 16, 2013 4:01pm

Not as braindead as the women on here, from what i have seen so far.


Jan 16, 2013 4:47pm

What an UNbelievable JERK!


Jan 16, 2013 5:03pm

Well, to be blunt, from reading your profile, I probably wouldn't want to talk to you, given your ignorance of the basics of reality.

I mean, seriously, I wondered that about the deficit when I was 6, back during the original Obama years, aka Jimmy Carter. Printing money devalues the worth of the money. You could pay off the debt, but then you could only buy less in the future, and poor people would be the most affected, since prices of food and energy and such would skyrocket. Look up "hyperinflation".

But I would probably have sex with you. You're certainly attractive enough.

Personally though, I am not interested in just finding a sex partner, I could do that at a local bar. But a lot of guys aren't so picky.



Jan 16, 2013 5:12pm


Are the men on here brain-dead?


Extrapolating the idiosyncracies of a single individual to a group of many millions of males that use this website is pretty silly.

However I will say that the social practices of the "internet generations" are quite a bit different than what someone of your age might have come to expect in your younger years. Here is a journal post of mine that discusses an excellent recent article from the New York Times on the evolution of dating practices in modern times. I thought they covered a lot of the common issues well.

In particular, 'web dating culture' does encourage some people to sort-of commoditize human social interactions, in a way.



Jan 16, 2013 6:03pm

For all the opinions given here .......misleading or lying is not justifiable under any circumstance and it just makes me sick to think there are individuals out there that choose to be liars and users consistently month after month, rather than to have a nice friendly dinner with someone who is made up of better things than the scum they're looking to sleep with. For all who don't know any better....dinner does not constitute romance. Many people have dinner with their friends with no intention of having sex with them, and even if they did, they still need to eat. Romance has nothing to do with dinner. It's sad to think some people can't distinguish reality from fantasy as in dinner = marriage. Absolute lunacy! What a joke!

When I signed up for this website I laid my personal opinions and life out on the table in hopes to find someone who could appreciate them and take an interest in getting to know me. No where in my profile does it say, "I AM ONLY LOOKING FOR SEX WITH NO EMOTIONS ATTACHED" Therefore, anyone entering into my profile and email has no right to deliberately set me up, string me along, and lie to me for their own joy of playing games.Some sort of deterrent needs to be put in place to stop these people.

If dating sites don't offer a way to post comments about users on their profile page, then they are encouraging this kind of despicable behavior and unethical type of people to continue to hurt others. Soon they will be hurting our children too. Does no one care about that? If men keep acting this way what is going to happen to our daughters. Men were never this bad. This is something new.

Kid yourself and tell yourself that you are too smart to let anyone fool you this way, and one day you too will wake up and find yourself in my shoes. The creeps just keep getting sneaker by the minute and if you do nothing to stop it, then you are promoting it.


Jan 16, 2013 6:11pm

Wait, are you being serious? Do you really think that people being sneaky about getting what they want is a new phenomenon?

If you're really worried about your daughters being fooled by this nonsense, I'd say give them more credit. Any girl - strike that - any person who's made it to 25 without figuring out how to be cagey and not go out on an emotional limb just because someone says something pretty is living in one hell of a la la land.

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you've been off the market since you were quite young, but people behaving this was isn't exactly cause for alarm.


Jan 16, 2013 6:17pm

Therefore, anyone entering into my profile and email has no right to deliberately set me up, string me along, and lie to me for their own joy of playing games.

Well, yeah, it's kind of crappy, but on the other hand, from the sound of it, you were texting your desires to him just as happily as he was texting his to you, right? For 7 months? Without meeting?

It sucks that he's not been straight forward to you, but I'm kind of thinking that it might be worth not getting intimate with someone you haven't met, if you want a real-life relationship rather than a  text-based fantasy.


Jan 16, 2013 7:08pm

Did he actually try to make real plans to have sex with you sans-dinner? If not, you're just flipping out that he doesn't want to meet you... period.

I get the impression that you're a textual fantasy to him, and that he doesn't have any real interest in meeting you for ANY reason, let alone use you for an orgasm.

It sucks that you wasted 7 months on a guy when your intention was to lay him and his intention was to merely converse with you, but that hardly warrants you going off on a tirade and calling him some kind of creepy scummy despicable mastermind that's responsible for all the world's ails.

The two of you had mismatched goals, and your "relationship" unraveled... and now you can't handle the rejection.

Get over it and move on.


Jan 16, 2013 7:12pm

I'm afraid I'm going to have to let Chacha out of her job as dental assistant. My wife found out about our hot texting, and insisted I let her go.

I'm sorry things didn't work out, I really enjoyed the way you scraped and flossed.


Best wishes,

Dr. unassuming_dentist



p.s. please don't sue me!


12th post for textural fantasies


Jan 16, 2013 7:39pm

That's what you get for chatting up a kid, lady.


Jan 16, 2013 9:16pm


Probably should be obvious, but OkCupid was not responsible for the last 7 months of your text message interactions.

There is absolutely no way for a dating website like this to "protect" people from activities and behavior that have absolutely nothing to do with what they were doing here.

The local bar, or club, or supermarket, or concert-venue that you met some random dude at is not going to protect you from meeting a guy that eventually disappoints you 7-months down the road either.




Jan 16, 2013 9:52pm

Moral of the story? Always secure that dicking asap, then ask him out.


Jan 16, 2013 11:44pm

I'm a very nice woman who is not going to have sex with you until you prove to me that you deserve it.

Sex as a reward? Nice... And so liberated...


Jan 17, 2013 3:05am

Their emotional levels were compatible, but their physical ages weren't. Or at least, he thought they weren't.


Jan 17, 2013 8:33am

If you were having cyber sex for 7 months and then just wanted to meet for dinner, I could see how some people might feel the situation was a little weird. When I did that with someone on here our first date was a weekend at a hotel, and we didn't see the outdoors for 2 days. I don't know, just having dinner after all we talked about would have seemed like a bit of a letdown. We knew each other as well as if we had already been dating for 6 months, to start over from zero in real life would have seemed silly.


Jan 17, 2013 10:05am



I can't stand dinner dates with women and it has nothing to do with "needing sex".  Far too often, a dinner date becomes an awkward situation where

*) The guy ends up either paying or being yelled at for not doing so...and fairly often the woman never comes back because, honestly, she was there for the free meal, not the guy (especially if you are dating women on the high end of your "league").

*) Each person feels obligate to be in a conversation the entire becomes more like an exam than a fun night out.  Unless the guy is a regular chatterbox, chances are he wants to balance the talking with doing something and not feel pressured to keep up conversation the whole time with a something like walking around a Museum, a park, an amusement park, an arcade...makes a lot more balanced sense.  Forget movies though...that's the opposite extreme, you often don't get to talk at all.

*) If you two have been chat/texting that long (as you admitted yourself) the tension has built up.  Probably not a smart idea...maybe communicate for two weeks, at most, before meeting.  You are both equally guilty for bringing up sexual discussion in chat and then expecting to magically be able to sit down next to each other and pretend you never thought about sex with each other.  You are IRL at first base, but, emotionally, virtually at just doesn't match.


Jan 17, 2013 10:07am

And, the obvious....worst case scenario is either he was fishing for attention to get his ego up for another woman he really does want to date IRL (yes, it's not just women: guys also do this trick)  OR simply does not exist as who he is online e.g. is operating under a false identity (he could even be in another state...or even country).

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