Jan 28, 2013 7:58am

I've changed around my profile a bit over time and I'm wondering what I'm doing wrong. I used to get better messages from folks in my area than I do now.

By "low-quality" I mean stuff like: 0% match, didn't fill out profile, 0-1 pictures, 5000 miles away, folks obviously hiding their obesity, etc. And I feel obligated to reply to at least some of them so that I don't look too selective.

I know my main picture isn't clear, but it never has been, so that can't be it. Also, keep in mind that I live in a conservative place which is the main reason.

Anyway ~ any glaring details that scare you away? Because it looks like people are getting scared away when they weren't before :)



Jan 28, 2013 8:21am

some people are going to message women regardless of any factors other than "they're women."

looking selective isn't a bad thing, necessarily. replying out of obligation probably is.

trying to avoid looking selective encourages messages you don't want, as does replying out of obligation.

if you've been in korea for a while, you know you're not likely to get a whole lot of unsolicited messages from locals.

for the most part you'll likely be dealing with soldiers or other english teachers. if that's not what you want, you're going to have to do the approaching.


Jan 28, 2013 10:49am

Bear in mind, when you first join a site, you are new to everyone already on the site, while once you've been on it a while, you're only new to new people. So you tend to get the best/most messages when you first join, since you have a larger pool of people looking at you for the first time.



Jan 28, 2013 11:24am

Antheia___, try messaging people who you are interested in as opposed to waiting (if that is all you are doing) for the right person to message you. Old fashioned values like men asking out women doesn't work as well online as in person because of all the women they are interested in - men can choose from over 100 in a 5 min period online as opposed to the 1 or 2 they might run into in person in a given hour. You don't need a study to tell you that some guys use that for casual sex purposes because of temptation to have sex with so many women. You will increase the quality by choosing who messages you - like the guy who graduated from college and has a complete profile vs. the guy who is looking for a quick lay and a empty profile. 

I haven't done much in bisexual studies, but I wouldn't be surprised if gay/bisexual women suffer from too many people overload and quality people to date as straight guys/ladies do. 

Plus, in the studies I did messaging from ladies worked. And, really all you need to do is just ask questions to start things going. You aren't asking the person out. 

DJ is right in that most of the quality change is due to you no longer being a new member and thus only the new members see you as a new member.


Jan 28, 2013 11:36am

Antheia, what Professor said. The BIG romances I've had on here started with ME messaging them first. YOU know what you like, so go and find it. Also, every time you answer a question, upload a photo (maybe even just change them around) it gets posted on the men's home pages, thus increasing your chances of being seen.


Jan 28, 2013 11:39am

And I feel obligated to reply to at least some of them so that I don't look too selective.

Being selective is good, not bad. "Looking" selective is neither good nor bad.

Anyway ~ any glaring details that scare you away? Because it looks like people are getting scared away when they weren't before :)

I don't know what your last profile was like, but your current one isn't that bad. Nothing in it makes me think you're super-duper interesting, and there are a few profile cliches, but nothing disastrous.

What did you change?


Jan 30, 2013 4:13pm

Thanks for the tips guys, I really appreciate them. I haven't been sending many messages out to men first because even if a conversation begins, it seems as if they blow me off more easily or aren't as interested. Who knows. Men seem to be more interested when they message me first.


I actually don't really remember what my profile said last time, but I guess it's not too much different. I do have to make some changes every time I move though.


And the locals, most of the time, are just looking for someone they can use for free English lessons, so I'm not too saddened by their lack of interest in me :)


Jan 30, 2013 6:03pm

use them for free korean lessons, or use them to promote your highly illegal english-tutoring side business.

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