Jan 24, 2013 7:48pm

I have four people to communicate with, on a personal basis. That's it. 

Just four people out of 7 billion that I can send a message to and hope that maybe they might read it, and maybe reply, and maybe to some degree grasp what I've tried to convey to them.


And it has finally occurred to me that none of them can really listen to me, grasp what I am saying, or care about what I care about.

They're all sinking in negative energy. No matter you try to say to them, or what you try to do, they cannot get themselves out of this state of negative thinking. I'm reaching the point where they all make me want to scream.


One thing I can tell you. One thing I have learned in life. That life is positive energy, and negative energy is death. All four of these people that I try to communicate with are essentially committing slow motion suicide, with their negative mentalities. Three of them will explicitly state that they really don't care if they die because they have no reason to want to live. And they don't really have any valid reason for saying this.


I'm really getting fed up and approching the point where I'm going to say just forget it, I don't need this aggravation, I'm done with the lot of you.




Jan 24, 2013 8:29pm

That's why I decided to become a doctor and move 3,000 miles across the country.

"Friends" are a liability. Amputate now, before they drag you down with them.

Get a cat. When you tire of them (recognize what a burden they are), you can toss em' in the freezer overnight and then run em' down the disposal in the morning. Easy, painless, and totally humane.


Jan 25, 2013 2:22am

Of these four people, two of them are people I know only from the internet, and have never met. In fact, the first of those, who I have known for 10% of my life now, lives in Portland Oregon. Thank goodness for that too. 3,000 miles goegraphical distance between us saved me from the possibility I might have become entangled with her. She's the one who suggested my original OkCupid name "BCE".

The other one that I have known for several years, lives 5,000 miles in the opposite direction. He is also the youngest of the four, and has the least to actually complain of. He is committing slow motion suicide by consuming mass quantities of alcohol while on doctor prescribed anti-depressant or anti-psychotic medications. Yet, suggest to him that he is an alcoholic, and what response do you think he gives? Of course: lol.

Makes me want to fucking scream. 


The other two, one has known me my whole life. My brother. The last member of my family that I have not cut myself off from completely. He's the best of my family, the only one who has tried to help me at all. And consciously he does do everything he can to help me. But what he does unconsciously, how he seems unable to think of me as a capable adult. After half a century he still seems to think of me as the baby he remembers me actually being. It's absurd. How old do you have to be before people start treating you like an adult and respecting your right to make your own decisions?


And the last of the four, my hall neighbor who I have known for only 6 months. She is 70 years old, has diabetes and cancer. Her blood sugar levels directly affect her moods and mental focus. But most of all, she has been unable to get beyond the past traumas of her life. Every day she relives her resentments toward those who have abused her in the past. And also sometimes you wonder how much some of her concerns are in fact symptoms of paranoia.

Whether she has early stages of Alzheimers or not, it would seem her other illnesses pose enough strain on her mind that she has symptoms that seem to mirror elements of Alzheimers. Hyper-concerned about germs, going around spraying Lysol everywhere and washing everything with bleach. Worrying about bed-bugs and flu and all the other things the tv and magazines like to use to drum up fear among the elderly.

Most of all, although she has a computer with internet connection, she hardly uses it. It sits in a cluttered corner while she spends each day on the sofa watching tv. And the shows she watches are the crappiest shows. The kind of shows that suck your soul into their black hole day after day, if you submit yourself to watching them as she does. 

I don't honestly know how long she has left. She could be gone in 6 months, or she could drag on for another 15 years sliding deeper and deeper into Crazyland. I'll be moving soon, so I probably won't have to personal witness most of this. Still, it's depressing, and frustrating, and terribly sad.


Jan 25, 2013 9:50am

You should get some new friends, imo.

Not, like, instead of your old ones; just in addition.


Jan 25, 2013 4:55pm

Or, actually, instead.


If I only knew how to do that, I wouldn't be bitching on here about how frustrated I am.


Jan 26, 2013 10:08pm

That's the hilariously ironic thing about dating sites (or social networking sites) - no one wants to talk to you unless you are already popular.

Have you thought about taking up writing? It's actually a very good distraction from loneliness. I've written 5 novels in the last few years. Haven't sold many copies of them, but still, it keeps you busy.


Jan 27, 2013 12:44am

Were you a goddamn fucking annoying troll asshole before you started sinking into despair, or after? If before, there's your problem. If after... actually that's still your problem.


Jan 27, 2013 5:16am

Hello Rodney.


Please from this point forward never ever post in a thread which I have started, and avoid replying to any comments I have made in any other threads.

This is the one and only time that I will ask you nicely.

Please do not try to push and find out how nasty I can become, as your boyfriend sfguyyy has already done despite my prior warnings to the same effect.


Thank you

Now piss off


Jan 27, 2013 5:18am

Shit just got real.


Jan 27, 2013 8:21am

Extremely real.


Jan 28, 2013 2:06pm



Jan 29, 2013 6:40pm

Apparently it is very easy to extricate oneself from these faint-hearted friendships.

All it took was for me to actually speak a few words of genuine criticism to two of these "friends", and that was enough to result in them ceasing to have anything to do with me.

As simple as that. I didn't have to tell them I didn't want to be their friend anymore, I just had to offer any tiny piece of legitimate criticism of their behaviors, and they cut themselves off from me, of their own accord.

I'm probably better off without them, and I didn't have to make any move to say I didn't want to continue contact with them, they reached that decision on their own. My neighbor simply stopped knocking on my door to say hello as she had always done. My internet friend simply stopped showing up in my stickam chatroom, where we used to spend almost every day together for nearly three years.

I guess I'm too tolerant, and try too much to not be critical toward others. That allows faint-hearted friendships to linger. They're gone in an instant as soon as I offer the simplest of critcisms.



12th post for new friends


Feb 6, 2013 12:39pm

Hello Rodney. Now piss off.

I love this version. Perfect.


Feb 6, 2013 4:54pm

You spend way to much time with your computer.

OKcupid makes you aware of all the charming and beautiful women that you can't have.

You may find these girls attractive, but you will never get your hands on them, so what you will really feel is dissatisfaction.


Feb 7, 2013 12:11am

Ok, STUPID, you didn't even bother to read my post, you're just responding to the thread title.


This thread has NOTHING to do with finding too many charming and beautful women on OkCupid. As if that would even be a problem here.

Please read threads before presuming to know what they are actually about.


Feb 7, 2013 12:56pm

I'm banging two ex-girlfriends, who are chasing me, one of which I met here on OkC and lived with me for a year...  and my problem is, I don't want to be banging anybody right now.   Diabetes has got so fatigued I have zero interest in sex.   Really.  All I want to be is left alone.

The truly bizarre thing is I introduced both of them to each other, with the express purpose that they could be come best friends, and pester each other with messages and not me.  Well, it worked, they are friends, in fact, one of them rented out a trailer to the other, and me, her, and her boyfriend helped her (#2) move in.  It worked, but now both of them pester me... I think them knowing I'm banging the other blatantly and out in the open only makes them more jealous, horny, and competitive.  In fact, in 30 minutes one of them is coming over for 'cuddle time' much to my protest.  I just want a day off from god damn horn dog girls.  Actually, more like a week, or a month.  

Sex is really exhausting, and there's much more practical things I'd like to be doing with my time.  

Swap lives with you!





Feb 7, 2013 9:00pm

I've just totally told this one crazy bitch to fuck off and leave me alone. I've known her for 10% of my life now, and she's never really actually cared about me, but she acts as if I'm somehow obligated to her like her own personal henpecked husband.

These 4 people are all dream-killers, and I've got dreams that have been deferred for over 30 years that are due now to come true or be laid to rest forever.


So, what's with your diabetes? Is it type 1 or type 2? Seems like you need to focus on finding whatever solutions there may be to diabetes, then work on your vagina-pounding circumstances.




Feb 9, 2013 1:44am

What I realize now is that she must be even more relieved than I am. Because what she WANTED was to be released from a "friendship" she had no actual interest in. She was someone with no guts at all when it comes to simply being emotionally honest. Her notions of being a "Nice Person" were along the lines of the bullshitty "if you can't say anyhing nice, don't say anything at all" belief system.

So she was, at best, uninterested in me, but she couldn't allow herself to be the one to say "see ya later" because she didn't want the little voices in her head to say "that wasn't a very Nice thing to do, after all he was never mean to you", so her plan was to drag on trying to make ME get sick of her and call it quits, so that the responsibility didn't weigh on her hands.

She did everything she could to make herself intolerable, while trying to pretend to be the friendly supportive one. But she didn't give a damn about me, and no matter how much she scolded me for not being supportive and responsive to her, the fact was that what she longed for was to be finally rid of me.

While claiming to be offended that I would tell her to get lost, actually she is breathing a huge sigh of relief that FINALLY he got the point or managed to be pushed to the point to "make the first move".

Yup, it's that same old female passivity bullshit that makes relationships between men and women in this society so fucking hard, because women always think it HAS to be the man who "makes the first move" whether toward or away. Being the submissive passive female, she couldn't be honest and come out and tell me she wanted to cease communications with me. But she did start in her own passive ways semding me that message loud and clear 4 years ago.

She would have me believe that she is wounded now that I would cut her off from my life now, but in fact she is nothing but relieved. If I had been important in her life, she never would have given me the shit she constantly did, nor treated me with the nonresponsiveness she consistently gave in return for my constant sharing.


Sometimes you can see things so much clearer when you're able to stand at a good distance and look objectively at situations.


Feb 9, 2013 6:28pm

youd get along with my mother.  you even say things that she says almost word for word.


Feb 9, 2013 10:04pm

Hook me up!


My 70 year old neighbor that I mentioned at the top, the paranoid woman with diabetes and cancer, has reminded me in some ways of my own mother in the way she talks, nobody else I have ever known has talked the way my mother did. Except my mother at least was a bit more intelligent than this woman. 

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