Aug 26, 2009 4:38am

From reading discussions here, I find that men constantly complain about not getting responses from women. I received one that I particularly liked and thought it would be great to share first emails that MAKE you want to write back. If you have good first emails, please share, with their permission, of course.

Here is one I received two days ago that was close to perfect in my opinion. And, yes, I sought his permission to share...and I removed all and any identifiers.


Subject: Color me Curious.....


I've just spent an inordinate about of time reading your words, both in your profile and your posts, and I've come away intrigued, impressed, and probably a little smitten. Wow. I have to say, there's a lot to absorb there, and I'm sure I'll be getting bits and pieces floating into my consciousness for a while to come. I think that's good stuff. Thanks!

Hopefully you've read something similarly thought-provoking or curiously interesting in my words. I'd like to share a few emails with you, bounce ideas around, and see how well we get on, and get together and meet sometime if the words flow and interest is there.

If that sounds good to you, and you prefer a real-life contact, you can find me at Or you can contact me here, but I may not notice immediately.

I hope you're enjoying a nice (if not sticky) weekend.


Would you like to share any good first emails that you responded to?


Aug 26, 2009 4:41am

Seems pretty generic to me and could apply to anyone.


Aug 26, 2009 4:43am

Actually, this looks like a template mail that he sends to anyone.


Aug 26, 2009 4:45am

Don't let the correct grammar fool you.  It's easy to simply search a persons username and see they made posts and then choose this template.  I'm sure a person could easily have another template that says you have a great profile if you only have a profile.  He may not be a bad person at all but I don't see it to be quite remarkable and it's not like every person you meet you'll find instantly incredible anyway.  Takes a bit to know someone so good luck with the dude.


Aug 26, 2009 4:48am

While well written, not much specific or directly applicable to a profile.



Aug 26, 2009 4:51am

Definitely a template.  I love how the second paragraph kind of sounds like he's looking for a business deal, not a date. 

Be wary of guys who ramble on about your profile for a long time and don't actually mention anything that's, you know, in it. 


Aug 26, 2009 4:55am

I wish my spam was as well written as yours.


"hello my name is XXXXX. I saw your profile and I think we would get along great. maybe friends or maybe more. Who knows. Well check me out and lets see what happens. You can email me here or text me at 555-555-5555."


Your's is WAY better.


Aug 26, 2009 4:57am

Look ladies, a guy has to write several dozen Private Messages just to get one response. If you think we men are drafting something special just for you, you are freaking dreaming. The opening message is a merely a preliminary probe. If amenable, a conversation can progress from there. Welcome to the reality of being a guy.

I have dated several women here and every time it was spontaneous, rather than planned. But the buckshot approach is still necessary.

Opening lines of an IM chat that the woman initiated that began a lovely relationship lasting several months:

____:you should smile

walford:I do, but not unless I have a reason

walford:In your primary pic, you are not smiling, but you still look cute

____:thank you

Here is one that I started that resulted in 3 dates -- which was how long it took her to realize I was too old [me 50, her 42]:

walford:It says we are a 0% match because you haven't answered any questions yet

walford:nothing is perfect; not even mis-matching

_____:That is so true.

walford:do you have time to chat or are you busy?

_______:I can chat for a little bit.

_______:How are you?


Aug 26, 2009 5:03am

Very interesting that you are all so convinced that this is a generic email. I disagree entirely. I have seen generic emails...those actually go on and on about themselves and what they like and what they want from a woman in their life. This is succinct and not over the top in its compliments. 

I am exceptionally good at screening people. And the only evidence I can provide is that I have about 14 people from dating sites that remain wonderful friends today....5 of them from this very site. Yes, friends...not fwb or fb.


Aug 26, 2009 5:04am

SaraMichelle-"Business deal, not a date"

  Well, pretty close to the same thing when you get down to it.

Walford- So true!. I use to spend a lot of time crafting the perfect 'first contact' based specifically on the persons profile, but realize I was wasting my time  when I wouldnt get a response (not even a 'fuck off', which means it was at least considered, if only for a second).

BTW what type of physcobunny thinks 8 years is too much and still has fun enough for 3 dates? I got 11 years on my wife, and it only makes a difference when I make some obscure pop culture referance (like talking about Steve Martin on SNL)


Aug 26, 2009 5:05am

He told you he read your profile and didn't bother telling you what he found so interesting in it.  Generic.  Sorry.


Aug 26, 2009 5:07am

Grinthrulife your going to have to define what you mean by 'friend'. I use to have a lot of 'virtual' relationships, but I found them generally shallow...with a 'strangers on the bus' type of feel....would you loan money to these people? Watch their kids? ...friend is a very slippery word


Aug 26, 2009 5:30am

There's no such thing as the 'perfect first message'. If you have to spend more than 5-10 minutes writing it, you've probably got nothing in common anyway. I disagree with the generic message scattergun approach because the kind of women I'm interested in wouldn't take well to them. I'm not applying for a freaking job here.


Aug 26, 2009 5:32am

Every message I send is personalized Walford.


If I don't have anything to say or comment on, why bother?


Aug 26, 2009 5:33am

I'm marrying a guy whose first IM conversation with me started with "hey."  For the record.  It's what he said after that that mattered. 


Aug 26, 2009 5:35am

Ok, fair enough. A friend for me is someone I share interests with, go out and enjoy fun activities with, invite for parties, and get invited in return. They have helped me when I needed help and I have been there for them, when they needed my help.

Incidentally, one of them is now in a long term relationship with a friend I introduced him to because I thought they would make a good match.

Also, I do agree that men have to have blue prints for first emails...and there is nothing wrong with some paragraphs being the same...but to generalize that ALL guys are not reading your profile and generally shooting in the dark is being super cynical and disrespectful to them.



Aug 26, 2009 5:41am

I thought it was really boring.


Aug 26, 2009 5:45am

Especially when you get it all oiled up.  Er...n/m.

As for the OP - Yes, nothing in there shows any evidence that he actually read your profile or your posts.  Good for him for grabbing your attention, bad for him that you've posted it and any woman who sees it will know the copy they got was simply a carbon copy.


Aug 26, 2009 5:52am

I'm sorry Grinnie, but us around here are not generalizing, we are talking about that perfect first message of yours. I for once, find it pretty shallow, very impersonal, and it's much more likely for me to respond to a simple "Hi". That kind of message just gets deleted. It says nothing about you, nothing about sender, just a bunch of impersonal info. Sorry about the rant...


Aug 26, 2009 6:11am

Walford is nuts.

I carefully craft specific messages. Maybe that's why OKC works for me.

I must agree with the commenters, unless the OP took some identifying info out, the example email seems very generic to me.

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