Feb 7, 2013 5:04am

Wow... I've had a couple profiles here & I didn't even know there

was a forum at okcupid. Doh! hehehe

So this is something like the 7th version of my profile.

I have worked hard on this current profile. My first 4 were bad. Like

really bad. I'm not saying this one is great but I think it's way better

then most of what is out there. So just reply and we'll talk.

I'm always looking to improve.


Feb 7, 2013 12:36pm

As a general rule, guys who go on about how nice they are usually aren't all that nice.  I get the impression that you're not an exception.


Feb 7, 2013 1:06pm

First off it's worth noting that a lot of your views (anti-gay, anti-evolution, for example) are going to put people off; this site tends to attract a more liberal crowd, so it may not be the best place for you.

Photos; I'd get rid of the scenic ones, or put them in a separate folder, and maybe try to include one or two that show you in a social setting or doing something fun. And what's with the caption on the first one? It's really off-putting.

The self-summary; I agree with the above, describing yourself here and elsewhere as nice and the kindest guy you'll meet and so on is probably not having the desired effect; check out the "Nice Guys of OKC" discussions from the last couple of months to understand why.

As a rule of thumb in your profile, show, don't tell. You say you like to joke around, but your profile isn't particularly jokey. You'd be better off showing your sense of humour, rather than saying you're jokey. Maybe add an anecdote or two to demonstrate your personality a bit? At the moment, it's not coming across.

Unless you're specifically looking for someone who is into survivalism and guns, you might do better playing down that stuff and playing up the musician thing; chicks dig musicians more than they dig gun-totin' survivalists, on the whole (and certainly on OKC, which tends left and arty rather than right and, erm, survival-y).

It's a good idea to mention a couple of favourites or recent reads in the book section, otherwise it kind of comes across like you don't read, but you're saying you do to impress people, which isn't a great look. You can always make regular changes to that section, to keep it short but still show lots of your favourites, and doing so will get you increased traffic every time you edit. It's also worth talking a bit about the kind of music you listen to and play; people bond over this kind of thing, and it's a good way to start a conversation.

A lot of people (on this site particularly) will be immediately turned off by the mention of God in your "six things"; keep it if you're specifically looking for a very devout Christian, otherwise it's probably best kept private. You don't need to take the titles literally, they're just a way of showing your personality.

The "I spend a lot of time thinking about" bit comes across as kind of insincere, like it's the answer you think people want to hear rather than a genuine answer; like when people are asked about their faults in a job interview and they reel out "I'm a bit of a perfectionist and my friends call me a workaholic". Step it down a bit, and it'll be more believable.

The "Friday night" section gives you a chance to let someone know what a date with you might be like, so instead of saying what you _won't_ be doing, talk a bit about the kind of thing you might. Again, it needn't be literal, it's about showing a little bit about what you do for fun.

The "Most private thing" is confusing and doesn't come off well; like, you hate mess but you are messy? Use that section to tell a cute story from when you were a kid, or make a mildly embarrassing confession (you sing Shania Twain in the shower, your proudest moment ever was taking second prize in your eighth grade science fair, that kind of thing); it shows you can open up, and it's another conversation starter.

The "Message me if" section really needs to be changed. Your aim is to make people want to talk to you, right? Not to _order_ them to talk to or meet you (which, trust me, won't work). Use that section to say a bit about the kind of person you'd like to meet, or the kind of interactions you'd like to have. So if you're looking for someone survival-y, something like "If you want a hiking partner to shake the snakes out of your boots" (or, I dunno, whatever people do when they're into that kind of thing).

Your preferred age range is extremely a-symmetrical, which will put off a lot of women, including a lot of women within the stated range; you might want to consider balancing it out a bit.


Feb 7, 2013 1:29pm

WinterLightning, Listen to what we have to say and don't take it personally - this is how people look at your profile and see what is wrong with it.


almost every other thing on your profile tells me desperate guy - chill out dude - making jokes about dating and talking about dating in your profile every other section in your profile - think about it if I was a lady looking for some guy to date - who would I pick - the guy who keeps trying to remind me he needs to go on a date, or the guy who is confident about himself that he doesn't need to talk about dating every section in his profile.

Lot of that stuff on your profile also can make you sound like a creep rather than actually funny especially at 42 years old. This is stuff a 20 year would say. Now a sense of humor is highly important to women, but you gotta think how many women who are reasonable going to date a 42 year old with a 20 year old sense of humor.

Not to mention what kind of 42 year old mentions his mom in his profile?

I wouldn't put you are a musician in the favorites section of your profile that is something you say you do with your life - it makes it sound important rather than putting it in a section people only glance at to find out what kind of tastes you have in music - not what you do in music. People are looking there to find out if you like rock and roll or if you like country music - not what instrument you play.

If you don't tell what kind of books you read and leave it vague and only mention what subjects you read then you just knocked out another topic to talk about for someone reading your profile if they are interested. You can always change your anything in your profile and what better than to keep things up to date? 

I donated over a million books in my lifetime to several libraries throughout California - do you know how many people honestly care and don't work for the library? Zero. Present is what is important; not things in the past - you can say anything you did in the past and nobody can prove it. People online don't care what you did in the past until they actually know you.

Friday night section is just about what you do in your spare time regardless of the day of the week - mentioning you don't go the bar and a girl will think you are lying and all you do is drink yourself silly. 

If you write a message me section as like you need to talk to me - women won't want to talk to you because they think you are rude and feel women are objects to you; not people with feelings and opinions of their own.

Also if you want a reasonable relationship with someone through the internet at the age of 42 - you need to think of age groups that aren't just doing it because of their age and they just want to goof off. Many women online under 30 -- hate 42 year old guys hitting on them. You might want to change your age range to ages where can't actually date someone old enough to be your daughter. 25? you want to date a girl who is 17 years younger than you? I doubt they do and if they do it will be a one night stand and if you are big about God you are full of shit if you think that is cool. 












Feb 9, 2013 7:16am

To Sushibitch

That was very helpful. Thank you :)


To Professor712

Most of what you said I agree with but calling me Desperate was a low blow dude. As far as the jokes go that's just how I am and I can't be something I'm not. Other then that Thanks for the constructive criticism. I'll make the proper adjustments. :)


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