Mar 11, 2013 7:51am

Big thanks to the many other people who have contributed ideas and corrections since August 6th 2008, including: astral_guardian, bikerelc, chainedpunkgirl, CrimsonShores, DarayTala, David_1, DCMerlin, DiscoJer, draykus, enzianschnaps, I_am_Bri, Internet599, JayBoston, Jeo00, Kotodateru, limetoalemon, mayfly_, musicequalsgood, Nathalie_Figeac, Orion-2, pauli133, Professor_Gryph, PSIcological, Puntif, Self-Promotion, sr123, s_d_e, Skwidly, sweetdangerous, taseldor, ugadog, DawinPolice's dummy profile, "what_not_to_do", wimsey70, Vflig, violatingvoice, xvegangirlx, and 2redcats.

Anyone has a chance to join this list by simply contributing an idea, tip or correction that I am willing to accept.




Updates from 3.3.5 to 4.0

- Deleted a sentence from General Suggestions #15 that shouldn't of been in v3.3.5 - Thanks Internet599!

- General Suggestions #1 was updated to hopefully be more understandable and more specific to the point I was trying to make. Added a good point from DCMerlin that people might criticize you for your honesty and not to let them bug you for being honest. Thanks DCMerlin!

- General Suggestions #11 had an example added to the last part.

- General Suggestions #15 added "Don't copy other people's styles of writing letters. You will do better with your own original letters."

- General Suggestions #18 added Sexual Preferences.

- Photos #1b added OkCupid's My Best Face link.

- Photos note between #3g and #4 was moved to the top of #3 tips.

- My Self-Summary #2 reworded the last part of the tip.

- My Self-Summary #3 added context to detail the actual strategy behind it.

- My Self-Summary #5 added regarding 3 words to describe myself to delete or to rewrite so it fits with the rest of the self-summary.

- My Self-Summary #6 added regarding adjective listing in this section

- My Self-Summary #7 added regarding vertical lists in this section

- Favorites #3 has more added.

- I spend a lot of time thinking about #3 is added that you can leave it blank and it won't show up.

- Section "I'm Looking for" is added.

- Updated Misc Tips #1 since forums are no longer included to get profile completion %.

- General Suggestions #19 added

- Added Section "Additional Help Section" - A link to Sfguyyy's meta-faq. This should cover a lot of help and information for most people in so many areas of OKC.- Added "History of Profile Tips"

- A little something on the history to kind of show people how these tips all started and how I got into helping people with their profiles.

- I wanted to try a new change to the format basically designed to make things more open to people's various needs.

- Got rid of the History of Profile Tips

Table of Contents

  1. Thanks to the Contributors
  2. Updates
  3. Table of Contents
  4. Getting Started (optional)
  5. General Suggestions
  6. Photos
  7. My Self-Summary
  8. What I'm doing with my life
  9. I'm really good at
  10. The first things people usually notice about me
  11. My favorite books, movies, music, and food
  12. The six things I could never do without
  13. I spend a lot of time thinking about
  14. On a typical Friday night I am
  15. The most private thing I'm willing to admit here
  16. I'm looking for
  17. You should message me if
  18. Misc. Tips
  19. Additional Help Section


Getting Started...

The first thing I would do when writing a profile is write your strengths, weaknesses, hobbies, likes/dislikes down on the left side of a piece of paper. Be honest here; so you can avoid problems later. The right side would be who you are looking for and their characteristics.

Then, grab a second piece of paper and think of ideas that would attract the people you are looking for and allow you to write a profile to do that using the first piece of paper. You also want to have a profile that works with your style of communicating with people. So, weaknesses are just as important in figuring this out and ruling out ways that won't work for you.

After you come up with the ways of attracting people you are looking for...try to come up with a profile theme that works best for you. A profile theme is simply 1 idea or a combination of 2 or 3 ideas as the basis of your profile to attract the people you want to with your profile.


(Note: Going to see what people think about this before I add more information that can be helpful to this idea.)


General Suggestions...

  1. Let your conscience be your guide. We all know people aren't perfect, and that includes you and I. Please try to be realistic about yourself in your profile. If you write about yourself as the perfect person; people might think you are fake or withholding details about yourself. Don't be afraid of your true self in your profile. It adds texture and beauty to a profile even on what you deem ugly or undesirable about yourself. There is a lot of people out there who would rather read a profile of realistic person with real strengths and real weaknesses than a person who purposely tries to sound perfect. (Note: There is people around the site who might criticize you for your honesty. Don't let that bug you. Those people are the problem; not you.) 
  2. Don't just list adjectives and likes; use examples. For instance, instead of saying you're intelligent, give examples of your intelligence. Instead of saying you're fun to be around, give examples of times you were fun to be around. Many people won't believe you if you just say you're [adjective] - give them proof. Talk about why you like the things you like. Tell a story or something more about them to entice the reader. We want to know the adventures and the stories you have to share.
  3. Give your readers something to respond to throughout your profile. Try ending paragraphs with a question to the readers. For example, after one user touches on what humor she enjoys, she asks them to send her things they think are funny. After she lets them know what communities she's involved in, she suggests messaging her for more information. She asks for media suggestions, help doing certain activities, new places to do certain activities, and she asks for all of this throughout her profile. Potentially this will encourage your readers to initiate contact with you, because they have something to respond to right off the bat.
  4. Make sure to use a spellchecker. Having a profile with numerous spelling, grammatical, and punctuation errors casts the writer in a bad light. It's like showing up for a first date badly groomed. This is the first impression you're giving the reader; you should try to show yourself in the best (honest) light possible.
  5. Write in the style of your if you are goofball in real life; be a goofball...if you are a cynic; be a cynic....personality is something that people often try to include in their profile, but frequently fail to succeed at because of their approach of saying it, not doing it. It would add a major flavor to OKC that is sorely needed from profile to profile. It's tiring to see so many users with uninspiring and similar-sounding profiles with only minor differences.
  6. Don't treat your profile like writing a resume for a job-search - have fun with your profile...feel good about doing it; just don't go overboard with the fun part. OkCupid isn't MySpace.
  7. "I don't know what to, so just ask" or similar is not needed in your profile. Those statements do not describe you as a person. If you don't have anything of interest to your readers they won't ask questions. Remember! Blank sections in a profile are not shown, so it's better to leave a section blank if it is going to be repeated information from another area in your profile, nothing to say there, or some other instance you know will be pointless to the reader.
  8. Don't use clichés: "I live life to the fullest," "I'm down to earth," etc.
  9. It's not a great idea to focus on sex or sex related topics in your profile unless the primary reason you are here is to seek out sex partners or "naughty talk".  Because unfortunately once most people see that, they will tend to focus on that rather than your other stated qualities and interests.  Many women will get creeped out by it, and many men will respond with either inappropriate sexual come-ons or pressure.
  10. Don't be repetitive. If something is in your side panel, don't repeat it in your profile. An exception to this is if you're explaining or expanding on something in your side panel.
  11. Put your make-or-break deals in your profile, but try to be positive about it. I.e. "I am interested in non-smokers" instead of "I am not interested in a smoker." The best policy is to indicate what you DO want rather than emphasizing the negative. A lot of people will read a "do not want" list right upfront and assume a person is negative, picky, or demanding. Instead of saying "I won't date a (wo)man who is a carnivore," one could say "I'm a vegetarian and prefer to date those who can share my vegetarian lifestyle." Another reason to do this is because the Ice Breakers system reads from your profile looking for keywords; if you write many negative things, you're going to start getting mail from people writing about those things you don't want.

    Another way to approach it is by naturally writing your profile in a way to discourage those people from continuing to read your profile for personality types by focusing on the types you do want. For example, you don't want negative people then you should write your profile that emphasizes the positives of things.
  12. Avoid broad answers; Do specific answers on the type you want to date this way you can be successful and make progress; not stay where you are and never move forward..."Honest and Trustworthy people" isn't going to discourage people who are compulsive liars who think they are those types from emailing you and you really haven't made any clear point. Your gut instinct would be a better filter here actually then your profile. A sense of humor is another common one...It would be better to mention the humor you love - that way you can determine the bullshit people over the real people. I have many examples, but what I want you to do is think about it and will people actually know exactly what you mean and will it actually lead to moving forward or will you never get anywhere with it?
  13. Be realistic with your date expectations. While we like to think that OkCupidians are a cut above the rest ;-) ... people with perfect lives don't exist here, and remember you aren't perfect either. Many people found here are average dates with average lives and the same issues everyone else has.  Keep your expectations realistic, be open to dating people here with lovable imperfections just like yourself, and you'll probably have great success!
  14. Don't expect that someone has memorized your profile - even an attentive person can skip something when your profile is long.
  15. A good profile won't save you if you don't know how to communicate. Learn to be able to write and respond to letters in a way that encourages people to respond back. "Hi, I liked your profile. Please reply back" kind of letters don't encourage people to reply back. Asking questions about a topic in the profile that caught your eye makes a better message. There is no perfect method for everyone to write letters; discover your own unique style of writing letters. Don't copy other people's styles of writing letters. You will do better with your own original letters.
  16. Don't use double brackets for visual purposes in a profile and don't overuse it in your profile. That just annoys people by doing that. Double brackets have pretty much only 2 purposes in a profile: A) To point out a specific a favorite game, hobby, book, sport, movie, song, etc... B) By using the double brackets for specific interests only, you make it easier for the Icebreakers tool to find matches for you with similar interests.
  17. A single, massive block of text is challenging for any reader. Use paragraphs and/or bold important sentences to make your profile easier to read. Make sure not to overdo the bolding.

  18. Personality Awards are based on you in comparison to people of your age, gender, and sexual preference across the whole site. Most users know this and don't use it as a accurate picture of you, so mentioning that you disagree or agree with the awards is pretty much pointless. People who are aware of this look right below the awards to find out the actual real answers behind those awards which also compares them to the reader.
  19. Don't be lazy on OKCupid and spend your entire time on here doing nothing, but match searches and Quick-match. And, occasionally send messages/IMs to people you like. Yes, I understand your goal here is to get a date or something like that. Here is why that is a bad idea: Online dating sites have one common problem with each other - there is too many people to choose from that its so easy to get lost in that sea of people. Do you know which people who succeed in getting dates online? The people who stand out as exceptional or are constantly active on the site writing journals, forum posts, commenting on journals/forum posts, take tests, answer questions, response to other people's stuff...constantly showing up on people's home-screens in the process. People in their area can't easily ignore them. They get curious about those people...they have something to talk to them with. Do you honestly think I got 100-200 visits a week over 2 years to my profile sitting around doing nothing but match searches? NO! I got active..really active. That made all the difference in the world.



   1. The minimum suggested requirement for profiles:
      a) At least one smile shot - shows yourself when you are happy and friendly to meet, and at least one full body shot - shows you what you look like in person. (Scratch the smile shot if you're primarily seeking other emos, goths, or homicidal maniacs...)
      b) Picture order makes a difference. Make sure your best photos show up first and close to the first seen rather than towards the end of your photos. I would actually suggest a favorite activity shot where you are clearly visible for a first photo. If you don't have something like that a face shot will work too. (If you need help determining your best photo check out
      c) Social and hobby pictures should be the majority of your photos. You can only take 1 or 2 shots of only you in the camera before someone gets bored of looking at them. Social pictures are basically showing your comfortable level of friends..if anti-social don't take them...very social - make sure the people can recognize you in the photo fast by caption. Hobby pictures are you doing whatever hobbies you like to do. It confirms you actually like to do those things and aren't lying to earn bonus points.
   2. Good photos are taken with a real camera by another person or on a timer (not by web cam, in a mirror, or with your arm held out to take a photo).
   3. Keep in mind of OkCupid's photo rules:

      Note: If you have images you want to post but they do not fit OkCupid's profile photo rules, you still have some options. As long as the images are not broadly illegal or highly offensive (ie nudity, copyrighted images, graphic violence, etc.) you can also post them in your journal.  (Bear in mind that OkCupid has to comply with the same rules here as any other public website.)  If you are an A-List member, you can also A) create special additional photo albums, including "adult" images which are not visible to the public, or B) attach photos to site emails.

      a) No photo uploads in which you aren't in the photo. No pet, no car, no scenery, no building, no baby/children photos (Keep them safe from online predators please; I don't want anything to happen to them; nor do you), etc..etc.. Point blank you aren't in the photo don't upload it on your main photos.

      b) No extreme closeups of like your face, leg, feet, eyes, nose, ear, arms or any specific body part of you.

      c) Baby/childhood photos - That is way too old of a photo for your main photos. You can share those at a later date when you actually meet those people.

      d) No nudity - this means you can not show your nipples, penis, balls, or vagina. Having those 100% covered properly is fine. Trying to bend or twist the rules on those will lead to you getting banned.

      e) Drawings/Paintings even of yourself is not allowed; Very minor goofing off with photo-shop is allowed (People can obviously know it is you is what I am saying and you consist of about 80-90% of the photo and it is based on a real-life photo of you; not 2% of the photo is you or it is you inserted into a copyrighted photo -copyright photos can get you sued and booted from here.) provided you have unedited photos of yourself and unedited photos are the majority of your photos. OKC staff is being nice in allowing people to have a little bit of fun with their photos. This doesn't mean getting carried away with them. They didn't allow nor intend that.

      f) Tattoos and piercings are fine, but like have to have the majority of your photos non-edited and not tattoo or piercing shots. You need valid photos that follow the rules. Again OKC staff is being nice and wants people to enjoy themselves, not get carried away with it.

      g) Do not use photos - even if they depict you - that are copyrighted, or that you do not have the right to post. To be safe: if it has a watermark or a copyright notice on it, don't use it.

   4. Vary your photos. Make sure to have many pictures with different expressions, clothes, and backgrounds. Have full body shots, not all face shots. Have some with friends and some by yourself. Have some doing things you enjoy. The more photos and the more variety in photos the better.
   5. Label your photos only when you have good things to say about them or when we can't easily tell which person is you. Don't use unnecessary labels such as "[headshot] 'Me!'"
   6. Avoid these types of photo manipulations:
      a) Don't do The Angles. Attempting to hide your body or your weight doesn't work. Everyone knows a MySpace angle means you're hiding something, and it turns more people off than it will attract. If you are nervous about your body weight or how you look, just go ahead and show it anyway; don't hide it. There are always people who will like your type no matter what.
      b) Avoid blurry photos or pictures with filters. You may think it looks cool or you're being artistic, but that's usually not the case. Many people just get annoyed, and if you're too indistinguishable, they'll flag you.
      c) Don't cut out any part of the picture...if you are uncomfortable with any part of it showing. DON'T POST IT. Use another photo you don't have to cut out any part of it. Many times when people do this; people who view that photo get suspicious that you are very dishonest, and that usually costs you a lot of dates. If you cover/white-out other people's faces be prepared to explain it. So, an ex in a photo with the face covered up will not be smart. Protecting a friend or friends on the internet is okay. Ex-friends most likely not. It would again just be better to not post.
      d) Don't use editing to make you look like something you're not; example: having clear skin when you actually don't. You'll miss out on all the people who would be attracted to you, and instead get dumped by all the people who finally meet you in person and see that you lied to them. The user might end up thinking, "If this person lied about their appearance, what else is (s)he lying about? Is this person trustworthy?"
   7. The alcoholic drinks in photos should go along with how you mentioned drinking in the sidebar of their profile. A person who drinks rarely shouldn't have more than 1 photo with them and a drink. A person who is a sometimes drinker shouldn't have more than 2 photos with a drink. Just a rule of thumb.
   8. Always have at least 1-2 photos that are relatively recent on your profile, and I suggest placing them at the "top" of your profile photos so they are in the top 3 photos a person sees. This doesn't mean take a new photo everyday - this means if you look noticeably different from your most current ones, you should probably upload some more recent ones. This allows you to keep old shots that still have purpose, like hobbies and so on, while showing your viewers you want to be honest with them.  This way if they want to meet now; there are no unwelcome surprises.
  9. Many partially naked pictures aren't flattering, don't work, and may not be appropriate in your profile. Carefully consider the shirtless look or the booty shot. If you're somewhere like the beach, being partially naked is understandable. If you're somewhere like in front of your mirror, you probably just look like an ass.
  10. Display activities you normally participate in. For instance, don't put up pictures of you wearing a period or anime costume if it's not a hobby of yours. If it IS a pastime of yours, don't be afraid to show it. You want to attract people who share or accept your interests, so show yourself doing activities you enjoy. If you enjoy hiking, boating, sailing, cosplaying, reading, playing an instrument, etc., it's a good thing to show off those interests in your photos. For that reason, go out and do something fun with a friend and take lots of photos while you're doing it. Having a friend take photos of you doing something you enjoy makes for the best possible photos!
  11. Make sure to have normal photos as well as those wacky/zany photos, unless you're trying to attract those people.
  12. Be wary about photos of you and your children. Online does have its weirdos. Be careful!


My Self-Summary...

  1. One easy way to start is to actually introduce yourself with your nickname or first name. It gives the feeling that you're not just an anonymous person.  (You should weigh this against your need for privacy.  Since "The Web Never Forgets", if you're afraid someone will track you down with the help of knowing your first name, then just keep it pseudonymous.)
  2. Don't talk about how much you hate having to summarize yourself. That's just annoying. The only worse offense here is to say that you can't possibly be summarized in just a few paragraphs because you're such a complicated person. We don't want the whole thing; we want just enough to get us curious to find out the rest about you.
  3. If you have children, mention them at the end of your self-summary or in your "What I'm doing with my life" section. Some parents have reported success by doing this. This is not attempt to hide your kids at all. (I have no respect for parents who do everything in their power to hide the fact they have kids from their readers such as put them at the end of their profiles or hidden in the middle. That is pure dishonesty). The whole strategy behind this is when you state you have kids at the very beginning of your profile - The reader generally gets a very negative first impression about you or sees you as very incompatible regardless if you are actually compatible with them. By moving it to either of those two areas: 1) The reader forms somewhat of an idea if they are compatible with you or not. 2) The reader doesn't think you are trying to hide the fact that you have children. 3) If they think they are compatible with you then the fact you have children doesn't become as much of a barrier to dates. By this point the people who will generally leave are people who don't like people with kids.
  4. Do something unique as kind of a signature to your profile no one else has, but you - if you love music - write your favorite song...if love adventures - write of a favorite adventure you had...If love to camp - write of a camping trip you loved...if you love poetry - write a favorite poem of yours...if you are person who loves quotes - write your favorite quote...if you love video games - think/write of a great video game in your eyes...I can go on forever, but what this does is show "HEY READER I AM NOT A NOBODY...I AM SOMEBODY to get know if you are interested." You don't want something super common to like because you lose the uniqueness. Star wars is a perfect example of too common. You want it more uncommon or rare this way you are unique, but you don't want it too rare no one has heard of it, but you and 20 others in the world.
  5. For any one who had the 3 words to describe myself as part of their profile. Delete. They can be found at the bottom of your "My Self-Summary" as something that looks like "I am X, X, and X". It was useful in the past, but now it just looks out of place due to the removal of 3 words to describe myself in profiles and nothing stating those 3 words as such. If you still like the idea of 3 words to describe myself then do something in a paragraph form, so it doesn't look out of place. For Example: 3 words that could be used to describe me are: X,X, and X. (Then write a sentence or two why that word describes you)
  6. Don't write like this: "I am athletic. I am geeky. I am rich. I am cute. I am poor. I am fat. I am stupid. I am dumb. I am smart. I am skinny. I am tall. I am short. I am old. I am 18." You aren't telling anything about yourself, but writing a bunch of 3 word sentences in a paragraph that are usually a waste of your time to write and your reader's time to read. This is very similar to the above; don't write like this either: "I am athletic, geeky, rich, cute, poor, fat, stupid, dumb, smart, skinny, tall, short, old, 18." Again, you aren't telling anything about yourself, but writing a giant string of adjectives in a long sentence which is usually a waste of your time to write and your reader's time to read.

    In both cases, instead take an descriptive word or adjective about yourself one at a time and write how it describes you; usually a sentence or two (or more if desired). Obviously, this can make your profile a little long, so don't expect to use a ton of adjectives. But, you will give the reader something to grasp about you and may take an interest in you. By the way, Hobbies and interests don't apply. Just adjectives.   

  7. If you want to use vertical lists in your self-summary instead of writing a bunch of paragraphs: 1) Don't mention your age. This is covered already in your profile when you enter your birthday into your profile details. 2) Don't make it boring to read; add stuff to your list that might be interesting to your readers to read. 3) Idea: Short lists on a specific topic on each list combined with some text in-between lists can be more interesting to look at or to read than one giant general list.


What I'm doing with my life...

  1. Things to avoid: "taking it one day at a time," "just trying to be happy," "trying to have fun," "living it," or "wasting it." These are unoriginal; you should find something more interesting to say.
  2. Briefly talk about your job. Even if you love your job, make sure not to be overly descriptive. Even if your work is embarrassing to you, it's better to state your job now rather than later. Don't go into detail making excuses for your job either - there will be readers who will not judge you based on your employment.
  3. Mentioning your schooling and living situation may also be a good idea, especially if you're still a student. However, make sure not to be too descriptive about where you work or live - stalkers might be readily available in your area.
  4. Talk about your goals or dreams you hope to accomplish. Explain where you plan to be in the years to come. Just be sure you're making progress to that goal and not making stuff up to impress people. These goals can be long-term or short-term, simple or hard.


I'm really good at...

  1. Use your best characteristics to make yourself stand out, and avoid mindless space fillers like "shopping," "sex," "sleeping," or "good at being myself." Those just don't fly.
  2. Don't use "jack of all trades," "anything I try," or something similar. We don't believe you.
  3. If all else fails, try thinking of hobbies you love and spend a large amount of time doing. You could also take a humorous turn and write a couple jokes instead.
  4. I don't want people to get in the habit of this, but if you really don't have anything good to say this section can be left blank and it will not show up to readers.


The first things people usually notice about me...

  1. Use this section to highlight anything that tells you apart from another person. The more distinctive the better! Say what people like, admire, or notice about you, especially those things that are complimentary and make you stand out in a crowd. This might be anything about your style, your physical looks, things you do or your attitude.
  2. Don't be too literal about answering this question. Avoid the ordinary answers like "my smile" or "my eyes" - that's boring.
  3. If you don't know what people first notice about yourself, ask your friends and acquaintances. If they have profiles on OKCupid, you can quote them and link it to their profiles. Don't use people outside of the site for quotes to post on your profile please. You want them to believe you; not thinking you are making up stuff to look good. That just makes you look dishonest.
  4. I don't want people to get in the habit of this, but if you really don't have anything good to say this section can be left blank and it will not show up to readers.


My favorite books, movies, music, and food...

  1. Here you can name specific books, bands, movies, and food as well as genres of each. Remember the double brackets. However, make sure not to list too many favorites. Not a lot of people want to wade through a giant list of bands. It's recommended to cap it at 10-15 favorites in each category.
  2. Tell a little bit about why you chose specific favorites instead of just making a list. WHY are these your favorites?
  3. Avoid "I like (almost) everything" comments. It's boring. Find your favorites that you like the most over everything else and stick with those. You can always have a conversation about your favorites that you didn't mention.
  4. Feel free to choose other subjects. Maybe you like TV shows instead of movies. Maybe you like video games instead of music. Maybe you like all of these things and just want to add more categories. It's your choice.  


The six things I could never do without...

  1. Use this section for fun, things you value and care about, things you want people to know about you, or etc. The possibilities are limitless.
  2. "Food." "Water." "Sunlight." "Air." "Shelter." Any of those, or anything that falls into the category of basic survival needs, is off limits. It's overused and therefore no longer funny.
  3. Don't go in the opposite direction and say "6 things I can live without." Remember that the Icebreakers system will take what you list as things you do like. Take this section less literally - it's for 6 things you enjoy very much and would prefer not to live without even though you can. You don't have to explain that to the readers either.


I spend a lot of time thinking about...

  1. Existential, humorous, or both. Either get deep and throw out your daily mental exercises in philosophy, or get witty and clever. Also avoid putting negative obsessions; it tends not to look good.
  2. If your response is something along the lines of "How fucked up the world is," it's recommended to write something different because those phrases are overused.
  3. I don't want people to get in the habit of this, but if you really don't have anything good to say this section can be left blank and it will not show up to readers.


On a typical Friday night I am...

  1. Avoid the literal element of Friday night and go with what you do during your free time.
  2. Add examples for multiple situations. What do you do when you go out alone? What do you do when you go out with friends? What do you do when you stay in alone? What do you do when you stay in with friends?


The most private thing I'm willing to admit here...

  1. This section is usually just for fun, not about anything truly private or serious. You have no reason to say "I will tell you later," "I am not sharing online," "Ask me," or anything close to those lines. We just want to read something intriguing or funny from you.
  2. I don't want people to get in the habit of this, but if you really don't have anything good to say this section can be left blank and it will not show up to readers.


I'm Looking for...

This section just shows what you are looking for so readers know and determines which users you see on your Home-screen, Quickmatch, Quiver, Journals, and Icebreakers.   

What you want: (Choose any one of these following choices; apparently OKC also limits which choices show up based on your site history.) Straight girls only, Straight guys only,  Bi girls only, Bi guys only, Girls who like guys, Girls who like girls, guys who like girls, guys who like guys, and Everyone.

Ages: Just type in your minimum and maximum age in their respective boxes

Location: Near me (usually up to about 100 miles radius) or anywhere

Status: Click the box if you want the people you are seeking to be single or leave it blank if it doesn't matter.

For: Click the boxes of what you are seeking people for: New friends, Long-term dating, Short-term dating, Activity partners, Long-distance penpals, and Casual sex.

Please note that as of this writing: This addition to profiles is new in its current form. Stuff like age restrictions only applies to people who are that age and meet your other settings here, and doesn't take into account those people's age restrictions at all. Don't get mad because you get a few people who you don't meet their age restrictions on your quiver, home-screen, and Icebreakers. Since it is a new addition there hasn't been enough time to pass by for OKC staff to make sure this addition is working properly as intended. That is kind of important before they start making new changes to this new addition to profiles.

Another note: Not clicking "Casual sex" isn't going to stop people from asking for casual sex. The best way to deal with those people is to learn how to block people and don't let them bug you. I wrote a faq for this:


You should message me if...

  1. This would be a good spot to expand on your "Looking For" section. You could restate "New friends," "Long-term dating," etc. and add more of an explanation to each.
  2. Understand that "you want to talk" or anything like this is uncreative and useless. Come up with something unique or informative.
  3. You can also describe the people you want to meet. This can be helpful in many ways, but be careful - most people don't differentiate between "must haves" and "would be nice ifs," and that means you might scare off someone who fits everything but one negotiable item.
  4. -2 Ideas- Conversation Starters are basically anything that its sole purpose is to encourage conversations in a profile or start one.

    A) Idea#1 - Is to put "Conversation Starters" into the Message Me category like a new section. The objective of this section would be to give your readers something to message you about. Give a variety of subjects to choose from so you don't get tired of talking about the same topic. Don't just pick subjects - write specific questions too. Have fun with this idea and see if it helps you prosper online.  

    B) Idea#2 - I personally took Conversation Starters in a new direction from 3.2 - rather than its own section...I made it more of the Message me section. I thought of weeding out the people that are unwanted and the people who are wanted in all the sections up to the message me section. This way by the time the readers get to the "message me" section it is already a foregone conclusion if they "click" or not with the writer. Now all the writer has to do is think of messaging ideas that would appeal to the target audience they're hoping will contact them. This way, it kills the negativity of current "message me" sections and it just encourages compatible people to write to them. The ones who don't are going to be obvious. I have at least 1 marriage to my credit on this idea that I took further from the last edition of profile tips.



  1. Profile % completion is meaningless. The whole idea is meant to encourage you to do more with your profile than doing the bare minimum and to introduce you to some of OKC's features. Please don't write journals for sole purpose of getting 5% more profile completion. It is very annoying to the people who actually use journals to read them and comment on them.


Additional Help Section...

Sfguyyy's The-OkCupid-Meta-FAQ which covers so much of OKCupid in so many areas. Click hereto check it out


Mar 11, 2013 8:07am

nice to see you've returned.


Mar 11, 2013 9:05am

I couldn’t read it all – too long, too repetitive – but I have nothing to object to in those parts I’ve managed to read.


Though there’s one tiny obstacle: the general OKC population has no access to fora. Which makes your post quite useless, as the forumites know it all about writing profiles.


Will there ever be a link to the OKC fora for “fresh blood”?



Mar 11, 2013 9:08am

^create a link in your profile like this one

Here ya go!

Copy paste and it links here


Mar 11, 2013 9:18am

I’ve written my profile before I’ve learned about OKC fora, so unfortunately there’s no place for a link. It would disturb the stylistic holism  :)



Mar 11, 2013 9:20am

You could always attach a random sentence with the link attached. Will one extra sentence do that much damage?


Mar 11, 2013 9:31am

No, nothing would damage my profile, I just think that it’s OKC management job to design their site. They get paid for it, after all, and I don’t.

By the way, don’t you think that your main picture violates one or another rule of this place?  :)




Mar 11, 2013 2:14pm

I am still trying to figure out a way around the forums block on new members - i will figure out something. 


Mar 11, 2013 2:57pm

^ cool!


Mar 11, 2013 6:58pm

Big thanks to the many other people who have contributed ideas and corrections since August 6th 2008, including: [...] DiscoJer

I lol'd.


Mar 11, 2013 8:14pm

I thought about going to and basically set up the forums for okcupid there except for the one that is for OkCupid staff getting feedback thread. And then open up something similar for journals. 


Mar 12, 2013 12:15am

I lol'd.

So did I, actually.


Mar 12, 2013 1:13am

I am still trying to figure out a way around the forums block on new members - i will figure out something.

I don't think you'll find a way -- or, rather, if you do find a way, it will involve something considerably more dangerous to the site's integrity than merely getting around forum restrictions.

Most modern forums with these inane restrictions have a fully server-side implementation. When you sign in, your account's age gets checked, and if it's old enough, a flag gets set in the session data block corresponding to the session that's been created for your current sign-in. A simple check against that flag is enough to block you from performing forum functions. It's possible they've forgotten to make the check somewhere or have made some other mistake, but I highly doubt it -- they're exceptionally good programmers.

Sometimes forums implement certain restrictions client-side because it isn't feasible to implement the restrictions server-side. A common example: allowing guest browsers (i.e., people not signed in) to view only X number of forum posts before prompting them to create an account to see more. In such cases, simply modifying a cookie value or deleting the cookie altogether is enough to give you an infinite number of views without having to create an account. The OKC programmers aren't dumb enough to implement important restrictions client-side, and they don't.

You're not fighting a technical battle; you're fighting a people one. For some reason, some time back, some prig(s) decided to remove the forum link from the navigation links and block new accounts from accessing the forums. This has had two main results:

(1) I suspect, but can't prove, that revenue took a terrible hit, as I noted elsewhere:

Begging for donations from ad-blockers (or begging them to disable their ad-blocking software) isn't usually the mark of a site that's making a killer profit. The sites I've seen do that were all free+premium sites that were barely scraping by with advertising and memberships.

Obviously the folks at OKC want to make a killer profit, but I don't think they're using evil plots to do so. In fact, they seem hell-bent on ignoring good plots to do so. They've crippled forums and journals, two great ways to create site stickiness. I've seen sites quadruple their profits by adding completely open forums and other such features.

(2) User experience went down the toilet:

  • The people who have been using the forums for a long time have seen the sharp decline in entertainment that results from making the forums invisible and inaccessible to new users (and, if I'm not mistaken, invisible to all users). Now it's just the same dinosaurs with the same boring shit.
  • Users whose site experience could be improved by getting advice and whatnot from others on the forums don't get that opportunity. This thread of yours, for instance, won't be seen by all that many people.

Meanwhile, they spend half a year on the doomed-to-fail Crazy Blind Date feature (Icebreaker-flop reincarnated), which I covered in multiple posts in this thread.


Mar 12, 2013 7:21am

i hate when people say tl;dr

so i'll simply mention that this shit changes over time, because you change over time, and the people you want to date change over time.



Mar 12, 2013 8:38am

ExtremeDating, The forums link was removed when the user (DCMerlin) flagged user (Lupshy) for excessive awards in a day after joining (she got like 90 in one day). The day prior you couldn't give an award unless you were A-list. 

The next day - everyone could award someone once. It was thought she hacked OkCupid by DCMerlin (It was an honest mistake by DCMerlin - he didn't see the site change and he went directly to FlagMod that morning and saw what looked like a site hack), and he was one of those people at the time who if he said you broke the rules - everyone agreed - so she was removed. Lupshy came back online later that day and found she had no account. Started the biggest troll campaign over flags in OKC history. To protect OkCupid - a lot of countermeasures were installed. 

I was there. I saw the flag. I talked to DCMerlin about it. And, told him of the site change. He apologized to Lupshy. I talked to Lupshy also. I saw everything spiral downhill. 

Lupshy wasn't too concerned about what DCMerlin did - she was concerned that anybody could be FlagMod and remove your profile in a heartbeat. It was abuse of power by the few. 

Plus, FlagMod was found to be very ineffective in the journals and forums. The problem is majority of flags in those is just people attacking other people and one person not liking it. And, most of the time you found that person who flagged started the whole thing and got pissed because someone cursed at them. It wouldn't surprise me if OkCupid saw flags were seriously misused in the forums and journals and people just stopped voting on them. And, also saw legal issues in those areas in the case of something serious actually happening there.    


I am pretty sure it is legal issues in the past why the forums and journal links no longer show up for new people. And, I am not talking about altering the site illegally to get people into the forums. I am talking about a separate site for those. Basically removing much of the legal liability from OkCupid while giving new users the ability to seek answers for issues.

Yes, I know what this can do to OkCupid. You need to understand I actually send and receive messages from OkCupid Staff for the past 5 years now. It won't exactly be something they don't know of. 


Icebreakers - I was involved with input on the project before release with winteraz84 - I wasn't interested in the idea because of the issues I saw that would result, and tried to push for better ideas that would work. Much of my ideas focused on the site increasing the quality of messaging therefore increasing the rate of replies, dates and success. 

Basically OkCupid is just trying to do like another other dating site would do - increase people messaging each other, responding, more dates, and more success for their users. 

Blind Date app is an attempt to get people to message strangers and hopefully get responses back. Like you say - it is basically Icebreakers again.


Personally, I think the problem lies in the fact most users look at every message or a IM as a "I want to date you" proposal as opposed to a "Hey I am curious about you - lets get to know each other a little bit better". That forces senders to send messages designed to score on the first try as opposed to later on when your odds are way better after you know that person. Not to mention really interested in that person.




Mar 12, 2013 8:40am

I think the problem lies in the fact most users look at every message or a IM as a "I want to date you" proposal as opposed to a "Hey I am curious about you - lets get to know each other a little bit better". That forces senders to send messages designed to score on the first try as opposed to later on when your odds are way better after you know that person. Not to mention really interested in that person.



Mar 12, 2013 8:46am

i liked awards. i think i had a lot of them.


Mar 12, 2013 9:26am

Professor712, you give a couple of explanations there: the prig one and the legal one. I'm highly skeptical that the legal one applies.

For our purposes, it seems there are two forces at work within OkCupid (and across the Internet at large): the cool/hip/irreverent force and the prig/Net-Nanny force. The prig/Net-Nanny force needs to be crushed for the sake of the human race, and I'm not above creating an army (bullets, not keyboards) to do this.

There's a lot in the news about North Korea and Iran, even a bit about online trolls, but there's a media blackout when it comes to the more pressing issue of prigs and Net Nannies. We can't let them win.

Person gets X number of awards in one day -- I can't understand the neurotic freakout over that.


Mar 12, 2013 1:35pm

ExtremeDating, First thing I keep trying to say to people is I don't write these tips with the idea of forcing people to take my way or the highway to have success. I am not the fucking author of The Rules. I get laid more than either of them ever does. 

I wrote this as a journey that everyone works together on. Something works - it gets posted until it no longer works. Something doesn't work - it gets removed. 

So, in essence the journey is never complete.

Honestly, I get more and more convinced at times that the secret to dating has nothing to do with any rules/standards, but how much you roll the dice and taking a chance. The single people of the world just think that if they use some sort of lucky charm (rules/standards/do something a certain way/etc...) they will get lucky. And the taken people of the world are convinced their lucky charm had something to do with their success when their number just came up that time.


If I could - I would put everyone who thinks everything should be policed to death or feels something is wrong when something isn't policed enough...I would pick the state of a fence around that state, so nobody can get out of it. Fill it with lions, tigers and bears. Throw all those people in there. Problem solved.


For nanny-police on OkCupid - actually as far as flag-mod has gone - I had only seen a handful of incidents in half a decade that someone could say something was wrong with flag-mod. 1) People who got caught doing something they shouldn't. Or they felt the rules allowed something. 2) Lupshy 3) People who used flag-mod instead of calling the real police for criminal activity online. 

And, most of those incidents happened because that weren't expected to happen that way. Not because someone got power hungry. Most flag-mods I know just do it to help keep the site free or free of people who break site rules like minors.  


Person gets X number of awards in one day -- I can't understand the neurotic freakout over that.

Yes, it sounds fucking stupid now. But, people didn't think she did it legally - they thought she hacked the site to get tons of awards. That kind of shit happens when you don't pay attention to site notices, the site feature is brand new, and actually think people will hack for something totally pointless. 



Mar 14, 2013 10:40am

could you do a guide for the restoration potion exploit in skyrim as of the last official 360 update (no DLC)


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