Jul 16, 2013 6:39pm

This seemed like a semi-good section to post it in, but since it's a bit off-topic, feel free to tear my profile to pieces while we're at it. In fact, I would appreciate it.

I've been here for over a year, but have only come to the forum recently as I was tired putting effort into sending messages and then get very few responses. My mailbox has just become full and a thought has occurred to me (before you get too excited, know that sent messages count). I'm not going to share it quite yet, as first I'd like to bore you with some stats, but bear with me.

During the past year and a half, I've probably viewed around 2500 profiles, reading a good portion of them in part or in full. I've sent out 293 messages, 90% of them being non-generic, usually mentioning a detail or asking a question pertinent to the girl's profile. I've gotten 24 responses and 4 unsolicited messages. I've replied to 22. This resulted in a total of 5 dates with 4 women.

A lot of guys visiting the forums may find that to be a good result, but note that I'm fairly selective as to whom I message, write personalized messages, and generally appear not to be an idiot. On the other hand my standards are also very high and have not dropped over time. It's also of note that if as a guy you've found yourself frequenting OKC Forum, then you're not Brad Pitt to put it kindly (and I include myself in that category).

This, mostly unsuccessful, effort took around 300 hours, in my estimation. That's almost 20 waking days. An average person thinks he isn't, so I will assume that my experience is average. OKcupid has 30 million users with 1 million unique users daily. I will assume that 10 million users have a level of activity averaging to mine with 56% of them being men. Taking the median income of $39,000 for US males, converting that to hourly salary, then multiplying by numbers above, we end up with $21 (pinky in the corner of the mouth) BILLLLLION that men annually waste in lost time, unsuccessfully chasing women on OKC. Two conclusions arise: 1) shutting down OKC will spur economic growth 2) there must be a more efficient way to do this. 

Now let's get back to the idea that occurred to me. If only women are allowed to make initial contact it would be orders of magnitude more efficient in terms of time spent on it by both genders. Note that women would also spend less time wading through messages from people they are not remotely interested in. 


And don't forget to say why I'm doing it wrong.


Jul 16, 2013 6:59pm

^ It wouldn't work; men in general don't want to sit and wait for messages to come in, and women don't want the entire burden of making first contact. If OKC were to try it, people would just go to a different site, they'd lose the vast majority of their members and therefore the vast majority of their revenue.


Jul 16, 2013 7:08pm

Ah, sushi, I can always count on you to disagree with me. 

I know this wouldn't work (otherwise I'd have a team of programmers implementing the idea). Still, it's interesting to think about - hypothetically, if not practically.


Jul 16, 2013 10:14pm

Just because men will respond more likely to messages from women doesn't mean that women should be the only ones sending messages - it still doesn't solve the issue of getting dates and creating relationships.

For women sending messages - they face a different problem than men sending messages - the men who receive the message tend to feel entitled to the message and tend to treat it as a chance for a fling than as a relationship they would be interested in completely and willing to invest the time into it. So, women run into just a bunch of men who think casual sex than something long term like men run into women who don't reply. 

The best way so far is 1) answering a lot of match questions which makes easier to find what you are looking for by being able to use the match % to your advantage when looking for a match 2) by answering a lot of match questions - you make it easier for people you are looking for to find you or make it easier for people you don't want to avoid wasting your time 3) Have a profile that sells yourself to the right kind of people you are looking for 4) send personal messages to people you like - take a chance regardless of your gender or orientation or how you feel about who should send the first message (just get the ball rolling - if they like you they will keep it going or ask you out, so you don't have to). 5) Ladies - It is hard being a good guy and finding a decent lady because so many women have almost the same things on their profile - if you find someone you like - just say hello - it will save us so much time and effort on women who aren't interested. 6) Guys - stop writing generic profiles like every other guy so women can find who is going to click with them and who won't - picture this is the lady you really want to ask out - do you honestly want to just say hello or do you want to really try and get the girl?



Jul 16, 2013 11:11pm

Of the neutron flow.

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