Feb 17, 2009 6:07pm

"There's just enough bullshit to hold things together in this country.Bullshit is the glue that binds us together as a nation"

Feb 17, 2009 6:08pm

Too many parody threads!

Feb 17, 2009 6:17pm

"You wouldn't know it for some of the things I said over the years.But I like people"

Feb 17, 2009 6:17pm

"Fuck the children." >:(

Feb 17, 2009 6:18pm

"We're all fucked; it helps to remember that." George Carlin was my hero.

Feb 17, 2009 6:20pm

^^ Yes.

Feb 17, 2009 6:23pm

"A lot of gay men stay in the closet because they're interested in fashion."

Feb 17, 2009 6:25pm

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Feb 17, 2009 6:27pm

"Think about how stupid the average person is. Half of them are dumber than that!"

Feb 17, 2009 6:28pm

"I'm not sure you've noticed it, but I'm always trying to improve society"

Feb 17, 2009 6:33pm

"If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty would continue. And probably increase."

Feb 17, 2009 6:43pm

"Fuck you im getting IN the plane"

Feb 17, 2009 6:46pm

"You know what you never see? A Korean guy with freckles and a big hook nose."

Feb 17, 2009 6:48pm

"That's what a house is: A bunch of stuff with a cover on it. If you didn't have so much stuff, you wouldn't need a house. You could just walk around all the time"

Feb 17, 2009 6:50pm

"You know what I like most about the NCAA Basketball Tournament?63 losers"

Feb 17, 2009 6:55pm

"A children's museum sounds like a good idea, but I would imagine it's not easy to breathe inside those little glass cases."

Feb 17, 2009 7:00pm

"And I'm getting fucking sick of guys named Todd. "Hi, I'm TOOOOOODD""

Feb 17, 2009 7:08pm

"Did you ever pet a cat who's laying absolutely flat, and before you are half way finished his ass is way up in the air? Like you pressed the ass button"

Feb 17, 2009 7:11pm

"And here's another one "Near miss": When two planes almost collide. That's a near hit! Near Miss: Two planes colliding in the air, *BOOM* "Look! They nearly missed!" "Yes, but not quite!""

Feb 17, 2009 7:11pm

"I was reading a fitness magazine that had an article about cross-training. and I realized this would have been a good idea for Jesus."

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