Dec 1, 2008 8:48am

It seems to me that the need to define bisexuality (or sexuality in general) by willingness to enter into long-term relationships is probably a holdover of the attitude that one should only have sex inside of marriage. Sex outside marriage (or at least a long-term relationship) "doesn't count." Of course, what it boils down to is that we're discussing two separate subjects entirely (sex, and long term relationships) and getting frustarted at out inabilities to ram both into the same pigeonhole ("bisexuality"). There is a term, "biamory," which specifically describes the willingness to be in a loving relationship with either gender. Does that make you more comfortable, OP?

Dec 1, 2008 8:54am

I like making out. With pretty much any good kisser from either sex.
I only like the cock though.
So that just makes me a makeouts whore, not bisexual :)

Dec 1, 2008 8:57am

i haven't read anything but the very first post and i'm curious if that logic applies also to people who consider themselves straight or homosexual if they aren't at all interested in dating long-term and are only interested in short term flings

Dec 1, 2008 9:00am

I've already tried to debugg this.

Dec 1, 2008 1:23pm

i think the OP is totally unaware of the spectrum nature of sexuality. there are no discrete categories of straight, bi, and homo. there's a scale and everyone fits somewhere on the scale.

one of the original attempted to chart this was the kinsey scale. kinsey postulated that human sexuality exists on a scale from 0 (exclusively hetero) to 6 (exclusively homo). "a girl who makes out with girls" or even the poster who says she would have sex with girls but not fall in love with them might be in the kinsey range of 2-3. everything not exclusively at one end of the scale or another would have to be considered some form of bisexuality.

a far better scale in my opinion is the klein sexual orientation scale. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klein_Sexual_Orientation_Grid). klien shows scales for seven aspects of sexuality, such as sexual attraction, emotional preference, and self-identification. it's totally conceivable, for instance, for a woman to prefer to have sex with men, but only make loving attachments to other women. i call this a "typical republican marriage." =) and it's possible to be mostly straight in practice but bisexually identified for political purposes and attend every rally in your town.

in reverse it's possible to be mostly gay in actions, but self-identify as straight. my step-mom, after she left my dad and fell in love with and moved in with a woman, told me "but i'm not a lesbian. i wouldn't go to a pride march or anything." for xmas i got her a shirt that said "i'm not a lesbian but my girlfriend is."

Dec 1, 2008 1:26pm

People are so judgemental of other's sexual preferences. They know themselves far better than you picky strangers do. :)

Dec 1, 2008 1:46pm

TOTALLY agree! It's ridiculous how many people pretend to be bi these days. They give a bad name to LGBT people especially real bisexuals

Dec 1, 2008 2:18pm

*sigh* Okay, I admit it, it's all a big lie, I'm not really bisexual. I just made out with a girl once and I kinda liked it. I thought it'd make me more popular? I'm such a fool.

Dec 1, 2008 2:54pm

ian, i have to admit it made you more attractive to me. you attention whore, you. =)

that aside i find it really amusing that it's all the straight and gay people who are trying to tell us what is, and is not, "really" bisexual.

Dec 1, 2008 3:01pm

Nice. It always annoys me when gays are prejudiced against bisexuals. You'd think a culture that's used to discrimination would learn not to perpetuate the cycle.

Dec 1, 2008 3:13pm

<--- has never has sex with a girl! but i am still calling myself bi. why? because it could easily happen someday...and because i have had guys freak out when i tell them that i like thinking about being with a woman. so i wanted to cut right to the chase and find people who are ok with it. not uptight assholes. :)

Dec 1, 2008 3:15pm

Ahh, but that reaction (gays saying bisexuals are confused or lying to themselves and others) is partly out of fear of losing ground that was gained and the independence of a distinct "clan" (refer to another of my posts regarding labels and group formation for "us" vs. "them" social evolution). Basically, the gay community has fought so hard to draw a dividing line and say, "We are on this side - separate and distinct from straights" that they don't want "a sliding scale" that can let people argue that the line does not exist, and therefore their identity doesn't, either. Until bisexuality is universally accepted and the lesbian/gay community is treated equally across the board (marriage, etc.), you will have this emotional "dig in and defend the front line" reaction. It's perfectly natural considering the history of the movement, which is still suffering huge setbacks with the recent election just 4 weeks ago. If I want to be understood and acknowledged for "where I'm coming from," I also need to understand and acknowledge other viewpoints. They are just as real and "true" emotionally as my own.

Dec 1, 2008 3:17pm

LittleLula: you fit the stereotype of the fake bisexual

Dec 1, 2008 3:18pm

That may or may not be, but the red hair sure gets my attention!

Dec 1, 2008 3:26pm

If LittleLula is a fake bisexual, then we are all asexual until our first sexual experience. lol

Dec 1, 2008 3:26pm

Kelpic: nope. i am afraid not. i would be more than willing to be in a relationship with a woman. i have kissed girls and held hands...been in love with a girl. i am glad you are so quick to judge.

Dec 1, 2008 3:27pm

Hibi: exactly what i am saying! :)

Dec 1, 2008 3:33pm

Okay, Renholder? There's a distinct contradiction in your stated intent and what you actually wrote in your opening post. Yes, people who act bi to get attention are annoying, etc. But you have also stated that women who have sex with other women, but don't have relationships, aren't bi. That's where people are getting pissed off, because it just isn't true. Sexuality is based on who you're sexually attracted to, not on who you have relationships with. Usually the attention whores will not be willing to actually sleep with a woman, because, again, they aren't actually bi. Again, part of the problem here is that you fail to distinguish between doing sexual acts in public to get attention, versus doing the same acts and more in private. Get it?

LittleLula doesn't necessarily sound like an attention whore. Being open to the possibility and making sure that potential mates are aware of that is part of being honest about herself. It's the internet, it's often better to be upfront on your profile about some things. Yeah, that's a choice, but putting that up is ultimately between her and anyone she chooses to deal with, not those who might decide to shoot her hate mail for her orientation (not that anyone has, just making the point). The internet may be a public space, but some rules of privacy need to apply to make it work, especially on a dating site.


Dec 1, 2008 3:37pm

I don't think any of us have been attention whores. The OP on the other hand....

Dec 1, 2008 3:37pm

I just got out of a 3 year relationship with a girl and I have dated guys i do call myself bi and i do hate the girls who just act bi for attention.

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