Jul 19, 2013 5:11pm

My friend recently told me that it is not possible and kind of odd that I have no girl friends and all of friends are mostly males who I have had romantic relationships with. He said it is impossible for me to have all male friends who I have either slept with or who want to sleep with me. 

I like having them around, because they offer me the most honest opinions on what I do wrong with dating without being bias. 

So is it weird that almost all of my "friends" stem from failed relationships? 


Jul 19, 2013 5:24pm

doyouevensiftbro: Yes, yes it is.  It's hard to say if your friend is correct.  He knows you better than us Okcupid forum posters.  It is generally odd to not have any same-sex friends.  You need to square yourself away, and acquire some.  

A guy can have platonic friends that are girls without difficulty.  Not really the same the other way around.  Only an honest conversation will tell.




Jul 19, 2013 5:31pm

Many of my best friends have been women.  If you aren't troubled by this with the exception of your friend's observations I wouldn't worry.  Many women I meet express a similar state, noting that they almost exclusively want male company for platonic companionship.


Jul 19, 2013 5:39pm

All of my friends are always females. But the difference is any female who is friends with only guys is the type who will cheat and is oversexed, whereas guys who have only female friends have no particular bad trait about themselves.

Jul 19, 2013 6:01pm

I have lots of bad traits actually.


Jul 19, 2013 6:12pm

I think Cilli is the male equivalent of sift, ITF


Jul 19, 2013 6:30pm

Out of curiosity, how many of your male friends are in serious relationships? 


Jul 19, 2013 6:51pm

I think most people would say it is weird, but I can identify with your situation completely. I am friends with most all of my exes and sometimes that is a problem when they have new relationships, even if there is a lot of time and distance separating our past. 

I have always been very supportive of people I've dated and never did anything hurtful to end our relationship. This, combined with true friendship before, during and after dating each other makes it easy to return to a platonic relationship, I think.

Despite this, I am still friends with many females and open to female friendship, but they are not always long-term friendships. Sometimes they start dating people and will say disparaging things about me and don't want me around(?) their new life, and other times it feels forced when you're dating a new boyfriend and meeting, say, his friends' girlfriends.

Maybe girls are closer to each other when they are all single and it's more bonding. Everything is simpler when no men are involved. 

My best girlfriends are all people I've grown up with since grade school, and I cherish them so much.


Jul 19, 2013 7:34pm

I am still friends with many females and open to female friendship, but they are not always long-term friendships.

I suppose this makes sense, since the kind of fondness and trust found in friendships formed in school is rarely formed after that -- except with ex-lovers over the internet (technology is a big factor here). Maybe it's because we put people in the context of work, or where you live, or a network formed around some common activity -- so when you switch jobs, or move, or lose interest in that activity, the context for having a reason to talk to them goes with it -- whereas "school" is a kind of permanent context that you carry around inside you forever. On the other hand, some people go for decades without switching jobs, moving, or drifting away from an organization they participate in, so other people drift in and out of that context while they stay in the same context. Which brings us back to ex-lovers over the internet -- they can also become a kind of permanent context in your life, like "school", and so remain in that sphere of fondness and trust.

I don't know, I never really thought about it to this level before.


Jul 19, 2013 7:37pm

Is it really a failed relationship.

Boom. I just blew yer mind.

Now the question is why you sleep with someone before you'll be friends with them.

Boom. Blew yer mind, for the second time.

Oh the carnage!



Jul 19, 2013 7:54pm

I think it's unusual, but if that's what works for you, then that's what works for you. I am glad of my female friends and my male friends. I get something different out of each individual relationships, and probably out of my friendships with men and those with women, but I don't think there's any one pattern for friendship groups; if you're happy, and your friendships are good, and you don't feel like you're missing out, then it's all good.


Jul 19, 2013 8:03pm

Again, repeating: girls friends with a lot of guys are going to do sexual things with them. Especially when it's exes.

Jul 19, 2013 8:07pm

And when are they going to do it, smashing?


Jul 19, 2013 9:26pm

So is it weird that almost all of my "friends" stem from failed relationships?

Yes, it is. I have a lot of opposite sex friends as well but they are not from failed relationships, these friendships came to be because while getting to know each other we knew something more than friendship was not a good idea.

Do you have a habit of rushing into relationships too quickly? That would explain things.



Jul 19, 2013 9:53pm

I wouldn't want a bunch of male friends who could tell me what I am doing wrong. sure its nice to get a man's perspective, but  I am a woman and plan on staying that way. I dont always want a "male perspective" ....sometimes I just need someone to back me up....somene I can relate to...someone who gets cramps.


Jul 19, 2013 11:01pm

^ I think you are missing the point. The conversations I have with my female friends are different than the ones I have with my male friends. Its about interesting variety, not about "tell me what I am doing wrong".

What the hell kind of guys do you hang out with? They sound like assholes.

I am a woman and plan on staying that way.

I don't think "man" is contagious.


Jul 19, 2013 11:11pm

^um hello. read the OP before calling my friends assholes okay, asshole?


Jul 20, 2013 2:41am

Sift, is there something about your work environment that has you around mostly men? Are you in situations or places where there are women around?

The reason why I ask is because years ago I was a Jazzercise instructor and pretty much around women of all ages, and at school events there were mostly women,  so I made a lot of women friends.

Now, I work with mostly men, so I've made several male friends of all ages. What I've recently realized is that it's where the 'man' is in his life which determines the subjects we talk about. For instance, the guy I worked with on Friday told me that he's going to his daughter's 'princess' tea party and that she came home with a scroll invitation and that she was going to wear her princess Disney dress. I suggested that he get dressed up as well and post some pics on Facebook. That's not a conversation I would have with a twenty-five year old though.

If it doesn't bother 'you' then don't worry about it. I think people that live a 'normal' life, or by some 'rules' rather than their 'own' life are boring.

I also agree with October: If you have a romantic relationship that is now a good friendship, it's not a failure.


Jul 20, 2013 4:38am

Again, repeating: girls friends with a lot of guys are going to do sexual things with them. Especially when it's exes.

Pretty much. Plus if you get a little aloof (as I do), they will run somewhere else for attention and bang one of their "friends". It doesnt really matter, but just dont be delusional enough to think otherwise. 


Jul 20, 2013 6:39am

does nyone elieve sandy has any friends of any gender? justttttttt sayinggg.

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