Apr 27, 2013 1:54pm

Had this profile for about a month; no hits.  No replies, no views.  I don't get it.  Any suggestions?

Fyi, my messages are usually 1-2 sentences referring to something I read on their profile.  Then some light, witty banter (if I can come up with something).  It's not like all I'm saying is 'hi'.


Apr 27, 2013 2:00pm

What's your typical target like?

Also you look better in the photo with the short hair.


Apr 27, 2013 2:06pm

I'm looking for working professionals who seem like they have their life together: travel, hobbies, passions?  Interesting profiles get my messages.




And.. to show I don't discriminate :P http://www.okcupid.com/profile/JamesLDub



Apr 27, 2013 2:13pm

They all have red dots, though, like why would you expect messages back from them

Also doing stuff like answering questions and adding new pictures makes you pop up in people's feeds, so try that too


Apr 27, 2013 2:34pm

I was going to visit a friend in New York a while back so I messaged some girls. Got replies and numbers, talked to a few. It's not hard but my target audience was hipster girls so who knows. Dunno what you are looking for.


Edit: damn, OP you got some great taste. Respect knuckles.


Apr 27, 2013 4:45pm

Don't know what to tell you. You're good looking and seem like a solid guy with a nice future in front of you, and those women don't look unattainable. As far as the dots, personally I only send messages to people with red dots, because I figure if they're green, they're already talking to someone and probably multiple someones. Red doesn't mean you don't answer. Every time I check, I seem to be red and I answer unsolicited messages from anyone that doesn't straight creep me out. 


Apr 27, 2013 7:46pm

I mean, I don't think you're being unrealistic. I find a lot of the time when guys who I think are pretty cool post here unable to get a date it's because they're only targeting demographics that get a ton of mail. 

You've also only been here for a month. Unless you're really shooting yourself in the foot with your messages, I think it might just be a run of shit luck?


Apr 28, 2013 4:19pm

I would try changing up your photos; you look young in your main pic and a couple of the others, which may be putting some people off.

It might be worth posting an example of the kind of message you're sending here; if you're getting no replies and not many views from your messages, they may need some work. Other than that, the only red flag I can see is your answer to the question about whether women have an obligation to shave their legs, and perhaps your rather asymmetric age range.


Apr 28, 2013 6:06pm

I think girls have given up on online dating. Their experiances are the men they meet turn out to be losers or they meet someone good, but he is only interested in having a girlfriend who he can schtup until he meets the woman that he really wants.


Apr 28, 2013 6:36pm

Can't help with the way I look, sorry.

As far as the obligation to shave: I sincerely believe it's as much an obligation as wearing makeup in an office setting or personal hygiene.  Better-looking people make more money and tend to be healthier.  It's just facts.

It's a matter of self-respect.


Apr 28, 2013 9:17pm

" Better-looking people make more money and tend to be healthier."


Maybe so, but more subtle views or ones that aren't so uncompromising tend to get more reception and tend to sound more attractive. Even girls who like to wear make up and shave their legs don't necessarily want to hear they have an obligation to do it from you. This can sound alarms like "what sort of guy is this- is he a chauvinist, is his outlook in other things just as obnoxious?"


Apr 29, 2013 2:32am

^ Yep, this; OP, if you're looking for reasons why you're not getting responses, that's one possible reason. If you don't want to change it, don't, but understand that it may put some people off.


Apr 29, 2013 9:11am

"polite/social convention" and "obligation" are not the same thing.\

unless someone tells you they're going to shave their legs, they're not obligated.

you're also not obligated to respond positively to their lack of doing so, but you should understand that the question isn't really about leg-shaving, but rather about the idea that it should be the role of women to go to greater lengths than men to make themselves physically appealing.



Post a comment