TL;DR: Moms love me, but I probably don't want to meet yours.
Bio: Born and raised in Rome, Italy, I spent the last six years in Pasadena, CA, and I just survived my first Boston winter. I'll become an uncle in the next months and I plan to be the weird uncle.
Likes: I value respect, intellectual honesty, humor, genuineness, and intimate connections. I manage to have a well-informed cynical view on the world and at the same time I remain optimistic in spite of life's lack of meaning and its essential unfairness.
I dislike people who don't think for themselves; people who take refuge in tradition and "common sense"; people who take themselves too seriously; people who have incoherent moral positions.
I reject patriarchal archetypes of masculinity. I do not care about impressing people who mistake aggressiveness for confidence, and controlling behavior for affection. I wish to be a compassionate leader and teacher.
My weaknesses: short memory; world-champion-level procrastination; gluttony, localized to the Whole Foods’s desserts sections. I'm also very bad at recognizing faces and remembering names.
Déformations professionnelles: I’m good at puzzles. I think in long paragraphs. I have very low tolerance for bullshit in all its manifestations.
Aesthetics tastes are revealing---here's what I find sexy: (these are all youtube links, if you're reading on the app you're missing all the fun)
• female comedy duos!
• The Bride fighting Gogo Yubari
• Jenyne Butterfly doing her routine
• Amy making out with Bender
• "J'ai la peau douce, dans mon bain de mousse".
• Sigourney Weaver killing aliens in her underwear
• weird snorting women
• soft-spoken voices like this
• who can understand my dreams like Paprika
• Jon Hamm
• Vi Hart, who is my semi-celebrity crush
• The right perfume on the right woman.
These are the games that I don’t like to play: “Let’s find the worst interpretation of what you just said", “Reassure me that you can check off each point in my mr-right checklist”, and "Let's go through the motions of a Cosmo-informed gendernormative date". The game I like to play the most is Mafia because it showcases my impressive skills in lying and backstabbing people, but it doesn’t really work well with only 2 participants.
As a final definitive red flag, I'd like to mention something about my exes: their total number is either small enough or large enough to make you raise a highbrow, and you should know that there is one of them who looks exactly like you (thereby implying that I like you only for your looks) and there is another one who looks nothing like you (thereby implying that I will never "really" like you), and there's one I broke up with (which means I'll probably break up with you) and one who broke up with me (because she finally found my horrible secret which one day will make you break up with me) and there's one where we just had to end it due to external causes (thereby implying that I have not and I will never forget her). Please assume that the following critical variables: age difference (in either direction), number of dates before sex, length of relationship, were all well above, or well below, your thresholds for raising red flags.
Finally, you should know I have an imaginary live-in girlfriend. Her name is Sharon and she is quite controlling and picky and to be honest I don’t like her very much, but our relationship is very useful with salesmen: “Yes, this couch looks nice, but I really should come back with my girlfriend.”
Still here? ask me for the supplement, titled "Another dozen explicit reasons to not date me”. Or, you know, we could just go out, and then I can give you twelve personalized reasons to not date me.
• Psychoanalyzing online profiles, trying to decide if you are the good kind or the bad kind of crazy.
• Super-hyper-meta-mating with you.
«Do you have a secret wife in Italy?»
(Should I ask you if you have a secret husband?)
«Are you gay?»
Nope, just European. But I'll take it as a compliment.
«Do you know that by mentioning X in your profile, you will alienate people that think Y?»
Yep, that's the idea! You know, quality over quantity.
«Why are you nice? You didn't seem nice from the profile.»
So why are you here?!?
«It’s so nice to be talking with a man!»
Wow, a lower bar has never been set.
«Do you think I'm weird?»
You seem remarkably well adjusted compared to the people with whom I work daily.
«Are you a misogynist?»
No, I'm a misanthrope. I am offended by the suggestion that I make sexist discriminations.
Having similar tastes is not important. In general, I would rather be talking about things that I don't know about. I have an anti-chameleon character: when people around me agree on something, I readily take the other side. Two of my favorite English words that are untranslatable in Italian are “groupthink” and “circlejerk”; I do not take any pleasure in either.
That said, it's always a pleasure to think about one's favorites.
Books? The best story ever told was, of course, Rikki-Tikki-Tavi. The best book ever written was The Boys of Paul Street. I thought this 20 years ago, and I haven’t changed my mind. If you read those and Ender's game, you will understand 75% of me.
Other books that touched me: Murakami's The wind-up bird chronicle, Borges' Ficciones, Ubik (and everything else by that loonie Dick); I, robot (Susan Calvin is my hero and that's why I do what I do); the Hyperion series; the Discworld series by Pratchett.
Non-fiction: The mind's I, Gödel, Escher, Bach (took me 10 years to read---true story).
Guilty pleasures: I'll read most scifi dystopian novels even when they have dubious artistic value (Wool comes to mind).
Movies? The best movie of the last decade is "Scott Pilgrim vs The World”. Strip away all the flashy, awesome parts; strip away the retro 8 bit music; strip away everything not essential, and the moral of the movie is: sometimes, the narcissist asshole is you, and you don’t even notice. Casting lovable Cera in the part of the indifferent narcissist asshole was a stroke of genius.
Others: Kubrick, Tarantino, Miyazaki, Sergio Leone, Fellini. Most blockbusters are boring because I get distracted and start to overanalyze: i.e., my favorite movie is TVTropes (warning: time sink).
I want to get more into south-east Asia movies which have the potential to surprise me (example: Oldboy, wow, I didn't see that coming!). I also like movies about time bending/travel: Donnie Darko, Triangle (the most unnerving), Looper, and, above all, Primer (which I still don't fully understand...); also Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Memento.
Guilty pleasures: Love Actually, Notting Hill, and most romantic comedies with Hugh Grant and/or Julia Roberts.
TV: Futurama, Family Guy, AD, Mad Men, Dexter, The Office (US/UK).
TV, guilty pleasures: Top Gear (UK). It's the best pornography you can shoot with three out of shape middle aged guys.
Comedy: Louis CK, George Carlin, Eddie Izzard, Russell Peters, Jimmy Carr, Flight of the Conchords, Monty Python. I consider good improv performers geniuses.
Other art: Theater is cool. Paintings are boring. Poetry is usually boring unless you are reciting something to me in a sensual yet slightly detached tone: if you do that, I melt.
I appreciate the beauty of functional design, in architecture, cars, hardware, and, software. Videogames are art too.
I strongly dislike, in an esthetic yet visceral sense: bad translations, awkward typography, stock photographs, airbrushed magazine covers, advertising in general, and other forms of insincere communication.
• Good headphones and relaxation tracks
• Long meditative showers
• Lazy mornings and second breakfasts
• Mind-numbing simple iPad games
• An oversized pillows den
I like interesting deviants. Can you be the Catwoman to my Batman, or, perhaps more accurately, can you be the Harley Quinn to my Joker? (Or, maybe, the Agent Sterling to my Hannibal?)
I like to meet special people, whom I wouldn't otherwise meet in my life, but, I don't need no manic pixie dream girl.
"Long" or "short" term? The key to happiness is low expectations.
I don't have "a type". Kindness, confidence, and humor are sexier than looks.
Being able to articulate feelings and setting boundaries is important: life is too short to play guessing games.
The unexamined life is not worth living. Conformism scares me; conforming to minority lifestyles counts as conformism as well. I like people who don't need to borrow labels to define themselves.
Formal education, careers and all that are not important, as long as you have some passion in your life, and you can understand the struggles of a high-effort, high-satisfaction job.
Princess syndrome and patriarchal fantasies that are still pervasive in American culture are a big turn off. Self-defined feminists welcome: I very much value self-awareness.
A sex-positive attitude is essential: it's boring and annoying to reeducate people from their cultural/religious hangups about sex (especially of the Puritan variety). Tangentially related: some of my friends are LGBT; I cannot stand any hint of homophobia.
Ethical sluttiness is okay.
About height: I am actually 6'2" like it says on the right, so don't look surprised (should I award myself the bonus 2" and put 6'4"? that's ridiculous). Also, I assure you that you are not too short. Please do not wear those heels, they make me feel anxious you might fall any second. You are also not too tall. But wait, now with those heels you are taller than me, and it's weird, because I am not used to look up to anybody. You are taller than me without heels? I will gladly die a sweet death by snu-snu.
About age: I changed the interval to 18-99 because it struck me as really ageist----though, to be honest, if you're 18, it is required that your old soul is at least, say, 23, and if you're 99, your body is 40 something ;-)
About cats: It looks like this is the hottest topic ever. Here's my opinion on the matter:
- 1 cat → It's fine.
- 2 cats → It's ok.
- 3 cats → Borderline...
- 4+ cats → crazy cat lady!
Note that if you tell me you have n cats, I will cautiously assume that you have at least n+1. Beware that I will probably do this if you leave me alone with your cat.
Bonus points: I work with machines and machine-like humans. I am very interested in meeting somebody who studies people (psychology, anthropology, ...) or helps people (doctor, nurse, …).
Bonus points 2: I have a slight preference for somebody who comes from a multicultural background. I like to pick and choose the best from every culture I know. For example, American dating etiquette and protocols are backwards and awkward and make everything harder and more stressful than it ought to be. Here's how it's going to work. Coffee or quick lunch works best for me. We are going to split the check. I'll tell you right away if I want to see you again. If you don't call me, I wish you a good life. See? much simpler.