32San Francisco, United States
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My self-summary
Hi, I'm Joe: descendant of ape-like creatures in the distant past, potential ancestor of human-like creatures in the distant future, hurtling unceasingly and unflinchingly around the sun at a completely incomprehensible 66,610 miles per hour. What's that? So are you? We have so much in common already!
What I’m doing with my life
Ideally, I'd like to die* after having completed (or helped complete) one or more of the following goals (in no particular order):
1. Propose a Grand Unified Theory of physics.
2. Write a computer program that generates human-like thought.**
3. Develop the next Facebook/Google.***
4. Travel the world as part of an awesome rock band.
5. Work as an unpaid intern for the Daily Show.
6. Invent a revolutionary new way to produce or store energy.

Unachievable, you say. Laughable. Preposterous. I completely agree: These are ridiculous goals.

If you would like to help me achieve any of these unachievable goals (perhaps you are a physicist, psychologist, computer scientist, musician, humorist, or electrical engineer), you get 15,000 bonus points.

I also enjoy doing other things in my free time, including going to concerts, hiking/backpacking, drinking Guinness, playing guitar and drums, playing video games, skiing, playing soccer, and (apparently) writing short descriptive paragraphs about myself.

* Ideally, I'd like to not die.
** Read this: http://waitbutwhy.com/2015/01/artificial-intelligence-revolution-1.html
*** Kind-of working on this one now, but it's an inside job.
I’m really good at
Mario Kart.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Catch 22, books by Kurt Vonnegut, the Lord of the Rings, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Predictably Irrational.

Movies: The Big Lebowski, Fight Club, the old Star Warses, Clerks, Office Space (fuckin' A, man), V for Vendetta, WALL*E, Inception... I also enjoy weird/artsy movies like The Royal Tennenbaums (to all you fancy-pants elitists who think that example's not weird or artsy enough............ I applaud your refined tastes).

TV: The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, 30 Rock, The West Wing, Futurama, South Park, Sherlock, Star Trek: The Next Generation ...

Music: Top scientists agree that The 5 Best Musical Artists are The Beatles, Bob Dylan, Beethoven, Cake, and Radiohead. Other wonderful bands include The Strokes, Weezer, The National ...

Food: is delicious. Except for chicken feet. The shape and texture and bone structure of a cooked chicken foot are just all wrong. It's like eating a small child's hand.

I cannot emphasize this strongly enough: Never eat chicken feet.
Six things I could never do without
1. Love (is all you need! But, I suppose we must go on...).
2. Good (funny/deep/contemplative/drunk/dirty/smart/silly/stupid) conversation.
3. Variety.
4. ??????? (It's a secret. SHHHH.)
5. A sense of humor.
6. Maslow's physiological needs (breathing, drinking, eating, excretion, sex). (Is this cheating, putting all of these on one number? Probably.)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Life, the Universe, and Everything... (...don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I've figured any of it out.) Isn't it so very strange that no one really spends any time contemplating existence? Here we are, in this wondrously comfortable modern world, with ravenous-wolf-related deaths at an all-time low, and we live in total luxury, and yet all we can do is worry, and complain, and get distracted by things like stupid Apple gadgets, silly webcomics, and petty politics.

I also spend a lot of time thinking about stupid Apple gadgets, silly webcomics, and petty politics.
On a typical Friday night I am
Sometimes out, sometimes in,
Sometimes fat, sometimes thin.

(I lied just now, about my weight;
It really doesn't fluctuate.)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Embarrassing Fact #43: As an Attractive Alpha Male, I really should have pure confidence spewing perpetually out of every orifice, but I'm actually somewhat shy until I get to know someone.

Embarrassing Fact #326: I should have put Singin' in the Rain in my list of favorite movies.
You should message me if
You want to go see Inside Out. Or Mad Max.

Or: You have fingernails that shine like Justice, and a voice that is dark like tinted glass. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5KmB8Laemg

Or: You play a musical instrument, and you want to jam after work with me (in SF or MV). Make-outs optional in this case; platonic musical friend time is cool too.

Or: You think Calvin & Hobbes is just about the best thing ever.


Thank you for reading my profile. Have a great day.
The two of us