39Cleveland, United States
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My self-summary
Quick hits:

1) This has been called "The War and Peace of profiles." It might be worth your time to read it to the end.

2) If you've noticed me visiting your profile more than once I most likely find you interesting. However, I am terrible at making the first move. So, if you are at all interested, go ahead and shoot me a message and let's talk.

***Now, down to business!***

Executive version:

When I am not working I am half Henry Rollins and half Eddie Izzard (sans drag). When I am working I am half Michael Clayton and half Angus MacGyver.

Non-executive version:

This section should really be called "random facts about me." At least, that's how I'm going to treat it. Here goes.

I am native Swedish and constantly feel the need to apologize for things like Ingmar Bergman, the Millennium trilogy, Ace of Base, Roxette, RedNex, ABBA, Robyn, and, yes, IKEA. This hereditary condition of mine also means some special tastes when it comes food and candy. Here's a youtube video illustrating the point. Everything they eat is DELICIOUS. http://youtu.be/0bTIf6Zia5Y

You would think that I would have learned to go to bed at a reasonable hour by now, but no.

Some day, soon, I will learn to play the mandolin.

Blimps (airships) freak me out. They shouldn't be able to just sit there, but they are. Creepy, really creepy.

My favorite weather is rain.

I have a small obsession with prime numbers.

My screen name is the only thing I could think of when I signed up. I have since realized that my screen name should have involved the word "Grammar" somehow.

I always have to think about which is my left and which is my right. Every single time.

Every time I play a trivia game, I answer as if I was a contestant on Jeopardy! I can't help it, and I can't fix it.

At some point, I would love to get together with five other people to play clue. In costume. I've got dibs on Colonel Mustard.
What I’m doing with my life
I have one of those jobs that are not sexy but pays well. If you went to law school we can nerd out on it together, but otherwise I think the less that is said of it the better.

I curl (you know; ice, stones, and brooms) when my schedule cooperates, which is not nearly often enough.

I try to be in and/or around water as much as possible.

I enjoy geocaching way too much. If you've ever been curious I'll be more than happy to show you. And if you find (or already know) that it's not for you I won't hold it against you.

Other stuff: I enjoy exploring both the city and nature, going to the theater and movies, or just hanging out in someone's back yard or living room. I'm also up for an adventure when opportunity presents itself.
I’m really good at
Turning all the awkward first dates I observe at Starbucks into a running sports-style commentary in my head, narrated by two guys named Matt and Jim:

M: "So, Jim, here we are coming up on the 15 minute mark of the first date of Mr. Handsome and ShyButLovely, and I have to say that things are going well so far."

J: "Right you are, Matt. Mr. Handsome has made all the right moves so far, holding the door, asking what she'd like to drink, waiting for the drinks while letting her pick a table, all the standard stuff. But as we all know, we're just now coming up on the difficult part of the course."

M: "Indeed we are. He's still doing well, though, having chosen to expand on an amusing anecdote regarding a fraternity brother from college. It's not a move completely devoid of pitfalls, though, as it can lead the attention away from... But wait! Did he just... Yes! He did! He pulled off the tested and true the-family-we-choose-vs-the-family-we-are-given gambit! Remarkable! What a transition! He now has her talking about her immediate family, coming off as a family-centered and caring potential boyfriend."

J: "Oh, not so fast, Matt! Notice how Mr. Handsome is leaning back in the chair, stretching out, crossing his arms over his chest. A very distant and uninviting stance, especially compared to ShyButLovely's posture earlier, propping one arm on the table, supporting her head in her hand, fingers touching her lips. We know what that means, don't we?"

M: "Well, apparently Mr. Handsome doesn't, haha!"

J: "Yes, it's quite surprising that Mr. Handsome would fail to pick up on those signals, even subconsciously. Should we give him the benefit of the doubt and chalk it up to nervousness?"

M: "It really doesn't matter, Jim, because there is one person who has all the say here, and she's staring him right in the eye as we speak. And there it is, the glance at the watch! Surely, he couldn't have have missed that?"

J: "He didn't. Obligatory comments that he's enjoyed himself but that other matters must be attended to. They should do it again soon. She agrees, but if it will ever happen remains to be seen."

M: "But if it does, you will see it here first, on No Holds Barred Dating!"

J: "This is Jim,"

M: "And this is Matt,"

J: "Saying 'until next time' from the Starbucks on Clifton
Avenue, just on the Cleveland side of the Lakewood border. Good night!"

That's how it often goes down. I may try to tune in to Stadtler and Waldorf (the two grouchy guys in the balcony seats on the Muppet Show) at some point. That could be funny.
The first things people usually notice about me
Is that I'm smarter than I look, which is much better than looking smarter than you are.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I have always had an aversion to following the mainstream. What that means is that when you hear about it everywhere, I'm not doing it, unless I was doing it before everyone else jumped on the bandwagon (for an example, see below about Guns N' Roses). It just seems to me that anything having mass appeal does so because of a lowest common denominator. Maybe I'm wrong, but I've seen no indication of that so far.

I will read anything by Neal Stephenson, Neil Gaiman, Michael Chabon, Margaret Atwood, Carl Hiassen, Stephen Fry, and Douglas Adams (although he has been less productive lately).

I don't watch a ton of TV, but Sons of Anarchy, Archer, Justified, and any britcom that gets in my way is good stuff.

When it comes to movies I am a complete anglophile. The Brits just do it better.

I normally listen almost exclusively to NPR, but there is something about the Big Band Orchestra stuff from the '30s and '40s.

I have a theory that everyone are defined by that one artist or group that came along at exactly the right time in their life (Elvis, Madonna, Backstreet Boys, Rolling Stones, Beatles, Nirvana, whatever). For me it's Guns N' Roses. True story: My mother bought me their breakout album back in 1988, as a gift. We're talking LP with the original cover art. Look it up on wikipedia and you'll see why it takes a special kind of woman to buy that for her 10 year old son. I love my mom.

I am trying to cut out mammals from my diet. In other words, plenty of fish, seafood, and bird, but no beef, mutton, veal, pork, etc. It's hard work, but someone's got to do it.
Six things I could never do without
Vibram Toe Shoes

But, honestly, I can do without any of those and everything else except family.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I think about all kinds of things, really. The problem is that if I spend any significant amount of time thinking of something, I'll wind up thinking it sounds like a good idea. Most likely, it really isn't.

I think about how annoying hipsters are.

And I think about world domination, obviously.
On a typical Friday night I am
Doing something fun, but relaxing. Hopefully getting ready to go away for the weekend, or already on my way. The bar/club scene is not my thing, but if we're talking movies, someone's living room, or a fire pit in someone's back yard, I'm in.

Possibly geocaching, but that's not specific to Friday nights. It's more of a 24/7 thing (that is, as opportunity presents itself).
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
It's only after having had a child of my own that I've understood what I did to my parents by moving so far away. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to forgive myself.
You should message me if
1) You have a FetLife profile.


2) You don't have a FetLife profile, but you're interested in and/or accepting of kink in its various forms.


3) You believe that grammar actually counts for something.

4) You can tell me why the statement "I never make categorical statements" is incorrect.

5) You are above average in intelligence. If I had to rank "what I'm looking for" that would be right at the top. There is absolutely nothing more attractive than intelligence.

I don't mind people of faith, but keep it classy. Proselytizers, jesus freaks, and bible thumpers should waste not my time or theirs. Vaya con dios and good luck on your journey.
The two of us