It is often said that we all dream of meeting the love of our lives the way it is depicted in most Hollywood movies! You know, the old fashioned ‘organic’ way, like that chance encounter at the bus stop that leads to a long and happy life together. Or finding ourselves standing next to each other in a museum or art gallery admiring the same exhibit and we start talking. Or simultaneously reaching for the same item at the deli counter of the local supermarket when our hands touch and our eyes meet! But, the Hollywood fantasy aside, the chances of actually meeting a truly compatible person that way are horrifically small, so when you think about it, doing it this way actually makes a lot of sense. We all know the qualities we want in the other person, so it's only natural that we write down exactly what we're looking for, put it out there and let the reach, power and population of the internet, do the rest. Who knows? Stranger things have been known to happen. In a way, it reminds me of those old couples in "When Harry Met Sally" and the way they all met. If you understand them, then you'll understand what I am looking for! " The Ambassador Hotel in Chicago....Nine extra floors....". Priceless!
Or if you’re a fan of the Simpsons, you might recall Homer's chilli induced hallucination, and his quest for his soulmate. Well, I guess you could say that I'm looking for my Marge! (All other names would be acceptable too).
And to find her, I guess I could simply copy & paste just about any one of the repetitive, mass produced generic profiles found on this site. Then reel out a list of unique qualities that are meant to mark me out from the rest of the crowd, by saying things like "I like to laugh – I love life – I have friends & family – I love food – and love curling up with a DVD and glass of wine!", designed so as not to confuse me with other mere mortals who obviously hate life, love to cry, don’t have any friends or family, and love watching DVDs while standing up and sipping a cup of tea through a straw!! And whereas a lesser man NEEDS food for their survival, my profile would make it clear that I can actually claim it as a ‘love’…something which I can take or leave, along with my other ‘loves’ of breathing, sleeping, sitting, standing, walking and talking. Not forgetting my glass which, like everyone else's, is perpetually 'half full', and somehow never quite able to attain nirvana fullness. If I ever find that notorious glass, I'm going to put the poor thing out of its misery once and for all by placing it in a fast flowing river where it call live out the rest of its life always completely full ! Leave-the-damn-glass-alone!
Of course I understand the pressures that are at work here…the need to exaggerate, to create a persona, to sell an image and self-promote…hence the same old tired clichés that tries to describe us as a bag of contradictions because presumably someone, somewhere, must have once said that being a mix of contradictions is an attractive trait, leading to the endless "I am this but also that" - "I like this but I like that too" - "nights in & nights out" - "indoorsy & outdoorsy" . Profiles which claim to like everything and everyone are patently designed to cast as wide a net as possible, so to speak...to have mass appeal…which is quite understandable, given this surreal environment….but we can't all be everything to everyone, all of the time. Whatever happened to "Just be yourself"? That little request pops up again and again in so many profiles, by the very same people who have felt the need to embellish the truth and polish their personalities. I have gone out of my way not to describe myself as an “intelligent, fun loving, attractive, creative, sporty, successful, sharing, caring, thrill seeking, music mad, food loving, book worshipping, globe-trotting, culture vulture”. WYSIWYG people, wysiwyg.
Now, I realise that this all sounds a tad harsh and critical, and I am sorry, but why pretend? The abundance of these generic profiles which seem to be almost word-for-word identical is quite stark, and frankly disturbing. I feel like I might be in the Twilight Zone, or watching a scene from "Invasion Of The Body Snatchers". I refuse to believe that everyone here rolled off the same production line, so if your profile is non-generic, I would love to hear from you!! To paraphrase what I read on the profile of a visitor to my page: I would rather be single, alone and happy, than end up sharing a life with someone who isn't right for me and be unhappy! Well done that woman - pity she lives on the other side of the world and is looking for someone local. So if you feel the same, and want to know who I am, what makes me tick and what I want to be when I grow up, then let's meet for a tea/coffee/hot chocolate, or chat over WhatsApp (if you happen to be someone on the other side of the world), and we can find out together 'cos I'd really like to know too! Because when you think about it, we have absolutely no way of knowing whether any of the stuff people write on here is actually true or not, which is why most sensible people prefer to meet in person. That brief conversation over a coffee will tell us more about each other than all the 'glass half full' profiles on all the dating websites in all the world! Finding love and meeting someone normal who has no hidden agendas shouldn’t be so difficult. But, having said all that, I have read some truly amazing profiles on here, so I'm quietly optimistic that my soulmate does exist somewhere in the world, but it’s just a matter of looking. It's that needle-in-a-haystack thing though, isn't it?
Until then, these are good examples of what I am NOT looking for:
I've just discovered that I am a text book example of an ISTJ character, at least according to a shrink who lives on my road. But she is a doctor of something or other with lots of letters after her name, and has a cute dog, and has known me for 15 years, so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. She said if you don't believe me, look it up - so I did. And she is right - I am the embodiment of an ISTJ personality. But it all sounds a bit like astrology where what they say can apply to the entire world population: "You will receive some unexpected news soon", probably referring to their invoice!!
But aside from that, and trying to save the world, and attempting to change the course of human history in some small way, I spend time looking for new restaurants to try, watching as many films as I can find time for, and visiting dating websites in search of that illusive "right woman"! And lately, spending a lot of time thinking about dogs!! After a life-long fear of canines (was bitten during childhood) and after a recent chance encounter, I discovered that I really really love dogs. I am so enamoured by them that I can hardly breathe - whenever I see them now, I burst out in a fit of uncontrollable mushy googoo gaga baby talk gibberish, which can be very embarrassing. So, if you happen to have a cute dog, probably best not to bring it along to our first date because if we don't get on, I might end up taking the dog home!
I'm also rediscovering the joys of cycling after many years out of the saddle, and I'm loving it. And I really want to learn to play the piano, and learn French and Spanish too. So if you happen to be a dog owning, French/Spanish speaking piano player and you don't contact me, that would not only be a serious breach of my human rights, but also a violation of the laws of nature!
I have a knack for putting people at ease right from the start, and an uncanny ability to stay calm at all times so I'm pretty useful to have around in an emergency and at times of disaster. I am very analytical...too much according to some....but that's a criticism I can certainly live with. Making friends, and keeping them...most of my friends today are people I went to school with!! I can, and will, talk to anyone....I'm not shy. But I'm not very good at small talk, and have very little time for ignorance and people holding onto goofy ideas....unless of course they feel like debating the subject at hand, in which case I'm your huckleberry!! I don't subscribe to the "you MUST respect everyone's opinion" approach as there are plenty of people out there with some very 'interesting' beliefs & opinions: supernatural deities, flat Earth, the Loch Ness monster, ghouls & goblins, ghosts & demons, etc. However, I am always ready, happy and willing to be proven wrong in a discussion about these, and other wacky topics. I do love a good debate!
I can also mimic almost any accent if I put my mind to it, and will unwittingly alter my own accent to fit the company I am speaking with! Given a bit of time, I can do voices too...I do the best Yoda impersonation this side of Hollywood! In another life, I might have ended up as voice over artist!
I have a few genuinely unique quirks which I guarantee you will not find in too many people, if any at all. Nothing weird, scary or sinister, I promise.....just interesting traits that make me a little different from most! And if we don't get along during our date, well, at least they'd make for an interesting conversation piece. If you'd like to find out what they are, well, you see that "Message" button at the top of the page.....don't be shy!
Anyway, I digress, where was I? Oh yes, the obligatory lists.... MUSIC: I have about 6000 MP3 tracks on my PC which I know is not much by today's standards, but they do cover quite a wide range which caters for whatever mood I may be in, and which is how I choose to listen to music. Not really into punk, techno, electronic, rock, heavy metal, aluminium, wood, copper or stone music. Or indeed any rave, rap, trance, hip pop, house, garage, or garden shed music either! Who makes up these daft names anyway? Think more along the lines of mellow jazz, classical, world, soul, disco, and throw in a bit of 60s tunes, and you'll get the idea. FOOD: I will eat anything, the stranger & more exotic-the better. I am not a food snob - put it in front of me, and I'll eat it, and say thank you! And yes, I do cook, and am pretty good at it, too. FILMS: Again, depending on my mood, I'll watch whatever grabs my fancy at the time, and don't make a distinction between independent cinema and mainstream Hollywood, but I can't stand musicals. BOOKS: Yes, I read books but my library wouldn't be to everyone's taste: more science, philosophy and religion than Harry Potter, Hobbits and Lord of the Rings.
This is clearly just an exercise to see if people will answer ANY question that's put in front of them, isn't it? I’d say I failed that test spectacularly…..
I spend an inordinate amount of time trying to work out what makes 2 people so different from each other, as in the example of, say, a fundamentalist religious person and an atheist. Or a mass murderer, as opposed to the person who'd "never hurt a fly"! Or what would a world without religion, corrupt politicians or superstitions be like? Not to mention the fact that I am constantly thinking about inventing something.
Or why so many people seem to think that their partners are obliged to make them laugh! You'd be amazed at how many times the line "They must be able to make me laugh" appears in almost every single profile on here. If you have a healthy sense of humour, then you’ll find hilarity in just about anything and everything, but if you’re looking for a clown, then there's a good chance that you might find one or two on these pages! I just can't imagine what that pressure to always be funny must feel like but, thankfully, that is one hypothetical I personally don't have to worry about as I was born without a sense of humour.
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