It is often said that we all dream of meeting the love of our lives the way it is depicted in most Hollywood movies! You know, the old fashioned ‘organic’ way, like that chance encounter at the bus stop that leads to a long and happy life together. Or finding ourselves standing next to each other in a museum or art gallery admiring the same exhibit and we start talking. Or simultaneously reaching for the same item at the deli counter of the local supermarket when our hands touch and our eyes meet! But, the Hollywood fantasy aside, the chances of actually meeting a truly compatible person that way are horrifically small, so when you think about it, doing it this way actually makes a lot of sense. We all know the qualities we want in the other person, so it's only natural that we write down exactly what we're looking for, put it out there and let the reach, power and population of the internet, do the rest. Who knows? Stranger things have been known to happen. Doesn’t this remind you of those old couples in "When Harry Met Sally"….and the way they all met, and the special bond that kept them together for all that time? If you understand them, then you'll understand what I am looking for! " The Ambassador Hotel in Chicago....Nine extra floors....". Priceless!
Or if you’re a fan of the Simpsons, you might recall Homer's chilli induced hallucination, and his quest for his soulmate. Well, I guess you could say that I'm looking for my Marge! (All other names would be acceptable too).
And to find her, I guess I could simply copy & paste just about any one of the repetitive, mass produced generic profiles found on this site. Then reel out a list of unique qualities that are meant to mark me out from the rest of the crowd, by saying things like "I like to laugh – I love life – I have friends & family – I love food – and love curling up with a DVD and glass of wine!". NOT to confuse me with other mere mortals who obviously hate life, simply love to cry, don’t have any friends or family, and love watching DVDs while standing up and sipping on a cup of tea through a straw!! And whereas a lesser man NEEDS food for their survival, my profile will make it clear that I can actually claim it as a ‘love’…something which I can take or leave, along with my other ‘loves’ of breathing, sleeping, sitting, standing, walking and talking! Put simply, we’re all supposed to love everything – and our glass is always meant to be ‘half full’! Now, tempting as that might be, I think I'll pass! And as for that poor glass, if I ever find it, I'm going to put the damn thing out of its misery once and for all by placing it in a river where it call live out the rest of its life always completely full ! Leave-The-Damn-Glass-Alone!
I mean I really do understand the pressures that are at work here…the need to exaggerate, to create a persona, to sell an image and self-promote…hence the same old tired clichéd nonsense that tries to describe us as a bag of contradictions because someone, somewhere, must once have said that being a mix of contradictions is an attractive trait. WTF ?! The endless "I am this but also that" - "I like this but I like that too" - "nights in & nights out" - "indoorsy & outdoorsy" - "roughing it but also 5 star-ing it" - "muddy boots & heels" - “Olympic athlete & loving cosy nights”. Is this a popularity contest where the winner is handed a partner as a prize? Or are we looking to find someone wonderful to have a lasting relationship with? Profiles which claim to like everything and everyone are patently designed to cast as wide a net as possible, so to speak...to have mass appeal…which is kinda understandable, given this surreal environment….but we can't all be everything to everyone. Whatever happened to "Just be yourself"? That little request pops up again and again in so many profiles, and yet those profiles are the ones in which those same people have felt the need to embellish the truth. I have gone out of my way not to describe myself as an “intelligent, fun loving, attractive, creative, sporty, successful, caring, sharing, loving, thrill seeking, music mad, food loving, book worshipping, globe-trotting, culture vulture” who can’t spell and doesn’t know the difference between your and you’re, there and their, to and too, and of and off! I realise this all sounds rather harsh and critical, and I am sorry. But why pretend? To paraphrase what I read on the profile of a visitor to my page: I would rather be single, alone and happy, than end up sharing a life with someone who isn't right for me and be unhappy! Well done that woman - pity she lives on the other side of the world and is looking for someone local. So if you feel the same, and want to know who I am, what makes me tick and what I want to be when I grow up, then let's meet for a tea/coffee/hot chocolate, or Skype (if you happen to be someone on the other side of the world), and we can find out together 'cos I'd really like to know too! Because when you think about it, we have absolutely no way of knowing whether any of the stuff people write on here is actually true or not, which is why most sensible people prefer to meet in person. That conversation over a coffee or dinner will tell us more about each other than all the 'glass half full' profiles on all the dating websites in all the world! Finding love and just meeting someone normal who has no hidden agendas, shouldn’t be so difficult. But, having said all that, I have read some truly amazing profiles on here so I'm quietly optimistic that my soulmate does exist somewhere in the world, but it’s just a matter of looking. It's that needle-in-a-haystack thing though, isn't it?
Until then, these are good examples of what I am NOT looking for:
But aside from that, and trying to save the world, and attempting to change the course of human history in some small way, I'm not doing much else. Finding new restaurants to try, taking more photos, watching as many films as I can find time for, and visiting dating websites in search of that illusive "right woman" take up a few more minutes of my day! And lately, thinking about dogs!! After a life-long fear of canines (was bitten during childhood) and much to my surprise, I recently discovered that I really really love dogs, especially small ones. I am so enamoured by them that I can hardly breath - whenever I see them now, I burst out in a fit of uncontrollable googoo gaga baby talk gibberish, which can be very embarrassing. So, if you happen to have a small cute dog, best not to bring it along to our first date because if we don't get on, I might end up taking the dog home!
I've just become the proud owner of a shiny new bike, and am rediscovering the joys of riding after many years out of the saddle, and I'm loving it. If you can ride through the streets of London, you can ride anywhere! Wanna join me? I also really want to learn to play the piano, and learn French and Spanish too. So if you are a French/Spanish speaking piano player and you don't contact me, that would not only just be a serious breach of my human rights, but also a violation of the laws of nature!
I have a knack for putting people at ease right from the word go. And an uncanny ability to stay calm at all times so I'm pretty useful to have around in an emergency and at times of disaster. I am very analytical...too much according to some, but that's a criticism I can live with. Making friends, and keeping them...most of my friends today are people I went to school with!! I can, and will, talk to anyone....I'm not shy. But I'm not very good at small talk, and have very little time for ignorance and people holding onto goofy ideas....unless of course they feel like debating the subject at hand, in which case I'm your huckleberry!! I don't subscribe to the you "must" respect everyone's opinions mentality as there are many people out there with some very 'interesting' beliefs & opinions: supernatural deities, flat Earth, the Loch Ness dinosaur, ghouls & goblins, ghosts & demons, etc - however, I am always ready, happy and willing to be proven wrong in a discussion about these, and other whacky topics. I do love a good debate!
I can also mimic any accent if I put my mind to it, and will unwittingly alter my own accent to fit the company I am speaking with! Given a bit of time, I can do voices too...I do the best Yoda this side of Hollywood! In another life, I might have ended up as voice over artist! I'm pretty good at many other things too but my modesty and the limited space on here prevent me from going on, and I'd prefer to tell you in person anyway!
I have a few genuinely unique but silly quirks which I guarantee you will not find in too many people. Nothing weird, scary or sinister, I promise.....just things that make me a little different from most men! And if we don't get on during our date, well, at least they'd make for an interesting conversation piece. If you'd like to find out, well, you see that "Message" button at the top of the page.....don't be shy!
This is clearly just an exercise to see if people will answer ANY question that's put in front of them, isn't it? I’d say I failed that test spectacularly…..
I spend an inordinate amount of time trying to work out what makes 2 people - two human beings - so different from each other, as in the example of, say, a fundamentalist religious person and an atheist. Or a mass murderer, as opposed to the person who'd "never hurt a fly"! Or what would a world without religion be like?
Not to mention trying to invent something....or puzzling over how so many self-proclaimed intelligent people can believe in so much new age mumbo jumbo. Or why so many women think it is a man’s job to make them laugh!! It’s not, you know! If you have a healthy sense of humour, then you’ll find hilarity in just about everything, even a political speech, or some profiles! But if you’re looking for a clown, then I think you'll have no problems finding a few on these pages!! How is the demand for "...a man who can make me laugh..." any different from the demand for "...a woman who enjoys sitting at home watching sports every night with a six pack..."?? I'd hate to find out what that pressure to always be funny must feel like. I'm lucky though - I don't have a sense of humour, so I'm not worried. But YOU must be able to make me laugh, or else the deal is off!
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