32Oakland, United States
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My self-summary
I am hella genderqueer, generally flamboyant, rather femme, sometimes snarky, and often mistaken for a gay man. I usually don't even bother to try flirting with heterosexual women (especially in person, but also on OkCupid) because they frequently just end up confused. Nevertheless, more often than not, my conversations with people on here start with me writing to them first, but if you find the courage to write to me first, I will certainly find that admirable, and that includes you straight folk.

I prefer neutral pronouns be used in reference to myself. Any neutral pronouns are fine -- them, zi, sie; they all fly with me. If this concept is too strange for you, then we are not meant to be together. If you get it but think that using neutral pronouns will be a challenge for you, don't worry because I have an immense amount of patience.

Spend just ten minutes talking to me, and my feminine side will likely be glaringly obvious to you. Despite my gender identity, I often pass as a white cis-male to strangers on the street, and I get a lot of privilege among the general public.

I realize that my ethnicity will be a nonstarter for a lot of the awesome people around here. I understand and am empathetic to the abuse and oppression that has caused them to make their biases, and I accept their choice to not date white people. But if this describes you, and you're still reading, I hope that we might become friends.

If you do not agree with the following statement, we're not going to get along: Black lives matter.

I am very pragmatic, but not without a weird playful side. I'm a cuddler, a writer, a painter, an agnostic Unitarian Universalist, liberal on most political subjects, extroverted in the Summer, and introverted in the Winter.

I ride my bicycle everywhere, and I do all my own bike maintenance. I like to keep in shape, and the biking is definitely a part of that, but I'm otherwise not much into sports. In fact, I find most professional sporting events to be an outright bore. I mainly enjoy exercise because it greatly benefits my mental health.

I'm a total sucker for selfless do-gooders. I swoon over people who volunteer and work for non-profits. I volunteer most summers, working with gender-variant youth, but I'd like to find something additional.

When I want to be social, I often like to go out dancing or to karaoke at a bar, but nothing beats a chill house party. When I don't want to be particularly social, you can find me either reading a book, playing on my computer, or binging on a TV series.

I once set my OkC account to "include me in searches for women," and left it that way overnight. When I woke up in the morning, I had over forty quickmatch alerts, all from straight men who very obviously just clicked the star-button without glancing at so much as my photos, let alone my profile. It baffles me that any women take this site seriously.

I am 420-friendly, but not 420-mandatory. Nicotine is not my friend. Alcohol is just okay, and I will usually only have about two drinks, once every couple of weeks.

I'm generally a Hufflepuff, but I am also brave like a Gryffindor.

I'm a fan of non-monogamy, although I'm not currently in any sort of committed relationship. I am in search of a BFF/primary partner.

I've been known to get kinky, from time to time. I'm very switchy, and can be equally happy as a domme or sub. Ask me about my kinks, if you're curious. GGG.
What I’m doing with my life
Even though I'm not the biggest fan of school, I would like to go back, and ironically to become a teacher. However, I've been dealing with chronic clinical depression, since I was fifteen, and I would feel much more secure in going back to school if I could first find a partner, to help me ward off the depression demons. That's not to say that I'm searching for a partner who doubles as a therapist, just that my mental state could benefit from a stable romance.

It ain't pretty, but it's my life. I'm working on making it better; it's just slow going.

For surviving in capitalist society, I am a bicycle courier. It's certainly not what I want to do forever, and I don't fit in with the culture, but the pay is modest, I get to set my own hours, and the exercise is great. In fact, I love the exercise part so much, I would continue to bike everywhere, even if it weren't my job.

I live with two housemates, in a loft, where one of my housemates hosts sex education workshops, and consent-focused play parties. One of the play parties is a monthly event, and exclusive to those of us who identify as queer. Feel free to ask me more -- I won't assume that your interest in the parties indicates interest in me (if you're interested in both, please be explicit).
I’m really good at
... Bicycle maintenance and repair, as well as working with my hands in a variety of other ways.

... Detail cleaning.

... Mimicking accents. Give me a week in someplace new, and I'll start to fool the locals into thinking I'm one of them without even really meaning to.

... Saving money by being thrifty, which is rather ironic considering how much I hate our monetary system.

I love to sing, and I can light up a dull karaoke bar.

I'm really good at starting conversations, and at breathing new life in to group discussions once they get stale. I'm kind of bad at participating in group discussions though, although I try. I'm strange like this. Relatedly, I'm also rather fearless when it comes to talking to strangers, especially if they're cute.

I have NEVER lost a best two-out-of-three thumb wrestling match. I used to challenge everyone I met, but winning got boring (this was back in my teens). If you think you can beat me, I'll welcome your contest, but I am totally, 100% serious about never having lost before. Relatedly: I have very flexible thumbs.

People tell me that my handwriting is gorgeous. I'm not sure that beautiful handwriting is any more a practical skill than thumb wrestling is, but it's something I do.

And cooking! I know my way around a spice rack pretty darn well, or at least I like to think so. I will happily make you a meal, or two, or three... I know how to cook a lot of different dishes.
The first things people usually notice about me
Lots of people initially tend to assume that I'm a gay man. Sometimes, I correct them. Sometimes, I just roll with it because explaining my identity to people gets tiring.

If I'm in a good mood (generally meaning: not in a depressive slump), my smile and energy are so intense that I see them reflect off of the other people around me.

If my hair is down, I receive frequent remarks about how long and beautiful it is.

More than a couple of people have been quick to comment on my shapely legs.

Sometimes, I wear femme makeup. But half the time when I do, I go for the subtle "natural" look, so it's not all that noticeable.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I feel that I should tell you that even though I'm cooperating, and making these lists, this is the one section that I always skip over when I first read somebody's profile, and I'm likely to not update this part of my own profile very often. I'm 100% confident that I can be friends, or even lovers, with somebody who has different tastes in entertainment, sources of knowledge, and cuisine than I do.

(Books) The Hitchhiker's Guide "Trilogy," The Celestine Prophecy, The Mysterious Stranger, Brave New World, The Windup Girl, Harry Potter (currently working my way through the series, and loving it, Aug 2017)

(Movies) Black Dynamite, Moulin Rouge, The Matrix, Harold and Maude, Benny and Joone, Fantastic Planet, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, anything directed by Danny Boyle or Steven Spielberg, and I'm always down for a documentary

(Music) Atmosphere, All Good Funk Alliance, The Handsome Boy Modeling School, Hilltop Hoods, MGMT, Gnarls Barkley, Ronald Jenkees, Ratatat, a lot of 90's pop-rock, and my favorite album of all time is Gordon by the Barenaked Ladies (way better than their later stuff)

(Food) Pesto, pizza, golden delicious apples, masala spices, cheese, and an assortment of hot sauces.

(Radio/Podcast) This American Life, A Prairie Home Companion, Wait Wait Don't Tell Me, Car Talk

(TV) Steven Universe, The Newsroom, MASH, 30 Rock, Futurama, South Park, This American Life (TAL was short lived on TV, but episode one of season two is my favorite episode of anything, ever. It's on Netflix, but I must warn you that you might cry tears of saddness, and laugh for joy at the same time. It's a real emotional rollercoaster.), NOVA

(All Media) Pretty much anything superhero related.
Six things I could never do without
• First and foremost: Good friends
• Nature (as in, going out and experiencing it)
• A thesaurus (A dictionary almost made the list, but I use a thesaurus far more often.)
• Love (platonic, romantic, or both)
• Learning
• A bicycle
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The exact right thing to say when flirting, but sixty seconds too late.

The catch-22's of chronic depression. I usually do a fairly good job at keeping the demons away on my own, and sometimes with some help from friends. Despite my mental health, I promise that I'm far from being all doom and gloom. Every now and again though, something will trip me up.

Current events.
On a typical Friday night I am
Reaching for that far back nose booger.

I dislike this question.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm pretty open; you can ask me anything. Here are some strange and/or embarrassing things about me:

I have a lot of trouble relating to cis-males. The kinder, gentler, less sporty ones make this easier though.

I cry, rather often. I cry when I'm sad, when I'm extremely happy, and when I'm overly stressed. Please, be okay with crying.

I'm horrible at snapping my fingers. I've kind of learned how to do it with my right hand, but not very loudly, and never with my left hand.

I have been living with chronic clinical depression since my early teens. I mostly keep it under control by medicating with 5-HTP supplements and a lamp for SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), but it still occasionally makes my life miserable.

I fantasize about being a housespouse (i.e. a housewife) and raising a family, but have serious doubts that my dream will ever come to fruition because of several factors.

Yes, I am always this weird, even when there's nobody around to see it.
You should message me if
... if your personal weirdness fits with, mingles among, duplicates, matches, or otherwise might work well with my personal weirdness.

... if the thought of messaging me gives you butterflies.

... if you're looking for an interdependent relationship, in which we nourish each other to succeed. (And you don't confuse interdependency with codependency.)

... if you might be interested in helping to indulge my longtime fantasy of being a mom.

... if you think there's a possibility of us becoming BFF's.

... if you need somebody to relate to about being queer or chronically depressed.

... if you are passionate advocate of feminism and anti-racism.

... if you are enticed by the idea of reading quietly with each other. (Not as a first date - the quiet isn't conducive to getting to know each other.)

... if you are looking for a friend to make art along side. (Potentially a first date.)

... if you'd like me to cook you dinner. (Also a potential first date.)

... if you feel that your purpose on this Earth is to make it a better place, and not just to hedonistically enjoy as much as possible. It is important to embrace a certain level of pleasure in your everyday life, but I'm not particularly interested in befriending people who view it as their only goal.

... if you will let me be the little/inside spoon, despite the fact that I'm six feet tall.

... if you are new in The Bay, and want suggestions for things to do in the queer or kinky communities. I have gained a lot of insight into both since I've been here. We don't even have to hang out; I will willingly volunteer this information to you over email because I sympathize with being new in town.

... if you want to attempt the list of thirty-six questions with me, which supposedly all but guarantee that two strangers asking them of each other will fall in love. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/open-gently/201310/36-questions-bring-you-closer-together
The two of us