My first glimpse into the world of BDSM occurred when I was in college and stumbled upon Anne Rice’s ‘Sleeping Beauty’ series. Since I loved her vampire novels I picked up the first one without understanding what it was really about and it opened my eyes to things I hadn’t ever given a moment’s thought to. I imagine that many of you have read the series and might know what I mean.
Over the years I researched and fantasized more & more (the arrival of the internet helped) while also reading novels like ‘The Story of O’ and ‘Exit to Eden’, books so prominent they could almost be considered mainstream.
At the time I incorporated aspects of the lifestyle into my relationships but was also wary about pushing too far, scaring her off. Spanking is barely considered kinky these days so that sometimes worked out but I also found myself increasingly unsatisfied.
My first “real” and prolonged experience with a power exchange happened when I became involved with a woman 21 years my senior. She was both nurturing and kind but also firm, both loving and mildly sadistic at the same time. Her dominance was one that I responded to very well, probably in part because I liked and respected her in addition to the Dominant/Submissive dynamic.
She eventually moved out of the area due to work but we’re still friends and keep in touch, I’ll always be grateful to her for teaching me so much in such a affectionate way.
Since then I've been exclusively dominant in my relationships but I'm open to whichever dynamic feels natural.
I’m a fairly positive person and that’s reflected in both my disposition and the areas of the lifestyle that appeal to me. I love spanking but I’m not a sadomasochist or a masochist, the appeal for me is in the submission, the exposure; I have no interest in inflicting heavy pain and I'm a poor match for a sub who needs intense impact play. I also like affection and enjoy holding and caressing in addition to spanking.
If your primary focus is on intense pain or heavy humiliation we'll be a poor romantic match. There are natural elements of power exchanges that inevitably lead to humiliation but name calling and cruelty are not ones I enjoy.
I'm not a chauvinist and in fact consider myself a feminist. I don't feel that power exchanges should be based on gender and instead are based on the preferences and comfort levels of the people involved.
On the non-kink front:
I'm pleasant, funny, easy to get along with and well read (along with very modest!) and I'd like to find a primary but non-traditional relationship. I want to build trust and share the jokes and experiences that only develop over time. At the same time I consider myself monogamish and believe that any healthy relationship has a certain amount of openness attached. Honesty is something I prize considering that lying & sneakiness leaves everybody involved feeling bad and I want you to feel that you can tell me anything without being judged.
I enjoy drinks with friends at least weekly and I'm fortunate to have so many longtime friends and family still in the area. Politically I'm very liberal and would be a poor match for a conservative. I play on a softball team once a week and while I wouldn't consider myself a star athlete I am somewhat athletic. Love long walks around town and at the same time have zero interest in hiking.
I worked in the non-profit field 11 years for an organization that often rewarded me spiritually and sometimes frustrated me to no end (many of you who have worked for non-profits can surely empathize).
I've been involved in the real estate field for the past several years and it's quite the contrast.
NOT a fan of Fifty Shades of Grey. Getting past the narrative I just couldn't reconcile a virgin experiencing her first sexual interactions in a D/s setting. It felt exploitative and sleazy.
Richard Russo has taken over the title of my favorite author. Really enjoyed 'Straight Man', 'Empire Falls', 'Bridge of Sighs', 'Nobody's Fool' and 'The Risk Pool'.
Some of my other favorite authors would include Wally Lamb, Michael Chabon, Larry McMurtrey, Anne Rice, Haruki Murakami, Alexandre Dumas, Mark Twain, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Nick Hornby, Dennis Lehane, Michael Connelly, John Irving, Frank Herbert, Robert Heinlein, Leon Uris and Walter Mosley. 'I Know This Much Is True' by Wally Lamb is probably my favorite book ever, or at least the one that touched me the most. Loved 'The Master and Margarita'.
Making an effort to use the library for books as opposed to Amazon.
Movies would include The Sting, Say Anything, Fletch, Bull Durham, L.A. Confidential, A Fish Called Wanda, Casablanca, Heathers, Field of Dreams, Secretary, Stand By Me, About a Boy, Stand By Me, Pretty In Pink, Dazed and Confused, Boyhood, Annie Hall, Four Weddings and a Funeral, The Tree of Life, Office Space and High Fidelity.
Saw "Grandma" this weekend and it was easily the best movie I've seen thus far in 2015.
My favorite TV shows: Mad Men, Justified, Parks and Recreation, The Walking Dead, Louie, The West Wing, Arrested Development, Lost, Breaking Bad, Dexter and Orphan Black.
So many in the kink world are obsessed with titles and strict protocol, if we connect it'll be on a personal and intimate level and first.
Also how intolerant the current Republican party has become and reminding myself to show tolerance myself towards these people that I increasingly regard as alien life forms.
Outside of my sex life, though, I don't own a car, which is very rare in the Bay Area.
I've been called a 'cuddle slut' and it's an accurate label. I'm extremely affectionate and if we connect we'll be touching each other very quickly and very often. I know that we all have different comfort levels regarding touch but if you're squeamish and uncomfortable about touching outside of a sexual context we'll be a poor match.
I've also had discussions with friends about sweeping, very stirring soundtracks on movies and TV (Lost comes to mind). I'm all in favor of media that provokes a strong reaction and have zero objection to being shamelessly manipulated by a skilled director.
I have a mostly platonic crush on Rachel Maddow.
I strongly dislike reality TV, just about hate it, but I really enjoy 'Comic Book Men' on AMC.
Also, that you're prepared within a short amount of time to actually talk on the phone so that we can get to know each other and determine whether moving onto the next step is a good idea. I know, nobody likes talking on the phone these days but I don't consider text messages to be an effective way to get to know somebody.
If you live in the Bay Area. I receive a number of messages from women out of state, sometimes out of the country, and I have no interest in a long distance relationship of any kind. If I like you I'm going to enjoy you on a regular basis as opposed to irregular visits to the Bay Area.
I have another, more vanilla profile on OkCupid that has additional pictures, including a number with my entire face as opposed to the side profile here. If we begin a dialogue I'll direct you to it right off the bat.