46London, United Kingdom
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My self-summary
UPDATE: I'm OKCupid-ing on an occasional rather than regular basis at the moment: that is, I am potentially up for something "casual" or "from time to time", but I'm not in a position to promise anything frequent or in-depth just now. (Sorry!)

The rest of this profile was written at a time when I was looking for something a bit more full-time.... I don't have the energy to rewrite it all at the moment, and it will tell you quite a bit about who I am, so it isn't a waste to read it; but bear the above in mind as you do. :-)


Right, make yourselves comfortable; this is going to take a while...!


I'm an older man looking for a younger woman who is looking for an older man - a father-figure in search of a daughter-figure, if you like.


As a young man (half a lifetime ago) I was rarely interested in women my own age; instead I found myself craving a partner in her 30s or even 40s - someone who had something to say that I was interested in listening to. But recently, that has changed.

I have no children of my own - not a decision I regret (and not something I will change my mind about) as I really have no interest in them - other people's kids are fun for about 20 minutes, but then I run out of energy and want to give them back. :-) But I think there's a biological instinct in me that expects to have children by now (and, indeed, grown-up children).

Possibly for that reason, I now find myself drawn towards women much younger than myself, and not just erotically, but with a curious, almost protective feeling.

Only a few years ago, I might have doubted it was possible for there to be a genuine connection between two people separated by 20 years or more; but, since actually trying it, I have been very pleasantly surprised by just how comfortable and "right" it can feel.

In recent involvements there has often been what one young woman described (with a smile) as a "Freudian subtext": when we go out together I find myself saying things like "now, are you sure you're going to be warm enough?" (blush) It's a pleasant feeling. :-)

So, I'm setting up this profile to look for younger women who find older partners more interesting (in the same way that I did when I was their age).

I am fully aware that, for approximately 99% of younger women, even thinking about getting involved with a man in his 40's is enough to induce vomiting; that's entirely understandable, and the best of luck to you all. :-) But if you happen to be a member of the other 1%... say hello!

[As this has apparently been causing some confusion, I guess I need to spell this out: I'm looking for a partner, a girlfriend, a lover, or a friend-with-benefits; in other words, something that includes sex :-) but which is *not* only about sex and nothing else. On top of that, I would like there to be at least a hint of something father/daughter-ish about it as well: that could be very subtle, or it could be as obvious as me actually reading you bedtime stories.

Oh, and if you're interested in D/s and you're an s then you should probably also get in touch.]


There's a place I go walking sometimes, along the river Lea, near Tottenham Hale. On the side of one of the houses is a sign which reads "Misuse of Life Saving Equipment in this Garden Will Lead to Prosecution."

I suspect they meant "Misuse of THE Life-Saving Equipment in this Garden..." - in other words, there is some equipment in there, please don't mess with it. But by missing out the definite article it becomes a far more general warning concerning the misuse of ANY life-saving equipment there, regardless of origin.

This conjures up an image in my mind of disreputable people bringing their own life-saving equipment with them, specifically in order to steal into the garden in the dead of night and misuse it there.

Can this (I ask myself) really be such a serious problem that it's necessary to threaten the miscreants with prosecution in order to keep them away? Or am I being naive about this, and we're actually in the grip of a national crime-wave, with people misusing life-saving equipment in gardens all over the country, and I've just been too wrapped up in myself to notice?


When it comes to one particular type of intelligence - logic, analysis, abstract reasoning - I may be the smartest person you know. Doubtless that sounds arrogant; but if I were (say) a professional tennis player, it would be a simple statement of fact to say that I might well have a faster reaction time and better hand-eye coordination than anyone else you knew - someone without those qualities couldn't do the job. To be able to do my actual job well, a person needs a brain that thinks faster, clearer, and at a higher level of abstraction than normal.

I'm well-read, well-spoken, and have enough padding that I am pleasant to cuddle. :-)

I can be a bit reserved and "British" sometimes: I'm very open, and honest, and will happily answer any question you ask me, but I tend not to put on extravagant displays of emotion. People who constantly shout and scream make me uneasy.

I'm old-fashioned in some ways - I've never enjoyed loud parties, and when I listen to music it's classical; I hold open doors for people, and say thank you when they do the same for me. But I'm also very liberal: I rarely dissaprove of any action unless it is measurably harmful to someone other than the person doing it; I find it absurd that there should be any legal distinction between same-sex and different-sex marriages, and almost as absurd that it shouldn't be possible for a marriage to include more than two people if that's what they all want; I am constantly baffled as to why anyone thinks keeping drugs or prostitution illegal actually helps anything.

I like many cats better than some people.

Sexually speaking, I can be strongly dominant if you like that sort of thing; and I can also not be dominant at all if you don't. (But I'm never submissive).

I'm a bit less "sloppy" than OKCupid's personality profile thinks I am; also less "competitive", much more "logical", "giving" and "kind" and a bit more "creative".

I am direct, and don't like "white lies".

My sense of humour is sufficiently dead-pan that people sometimes don't realise when I'm joking.

I am a bit of pedant, but usually manage to keep it in check. :-) (It's not all bad. I can at least distinguish between "your", "you're", "yaw", and "yore" without any difficulty.)

I loathe rude, inconsiderate people, and would feel thoroughly miserable if you ever thought I was one.

I'm very tactile, and suspect that quite a few of the world's problems ultimately come down to a lack of hugs.

I am willing to pay more for good cheese.

I can be as strict as you need me to be, and as gentle as you need me to be.
What I’m doing with my life
I write computer software. A big part of my job is to figure out what the problem is that a customer is trying to solve, and then explain it to them, because, generally speaking, they don't know themselves; then I have to translate that into something a computer can understand.
I’m really good at
Writing OKC profiles so long that people give up after a couple of paragraphs, overwhelmed by the fear that they may die of old age before reaching the end.

Figuring things out.

Cuddling you.

Giving advice.

Reading stories and doing all the different voices.

Cuddling you some more just to make absolutely sure you weren't left insufficiently cuddled the last time round.

Eating chocolate.

Talking to cats.

Kissing your neck when you're trying to concentrate on something else.

Cuddling you again. Just "because". :-p
The first things people usually notice about me
"You're not nearly as serious as I thought you'd be."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
A lot of people on this site list Nabokov's "Lolita" as one of their favourite novels, but I think me mentioning it might send out the wrong message. :-o

I'm geeky enough to thoroughly enjoy sci-fi and fantasy, patient enough to appreciate Dickens or Austen, and theatrical enough to occasionally read Shakespeare for fun; I have a sense of humour that appreciates Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams and "The Goon Show".

I enjoy pretty much any film that is interestingly written, well-acted, attractively composed, and competently directed. Sadly this seems to be a rarity these days. :-( But recently I enjoyed "Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol", "The Artist" and "Avengers Assemble" and I've been watching "Game of Thrones" and "The Sopranos" on TV. I'm also fonder of animated films than most people my age.

Apparently there's a code that says I have to mention the movie "Secretary". I don't actually like James Spader or Maggie Gyllenhaal very much, but, you know, it's The Code (nudge nudge, wink wink) so I guess I'd better mention it. ;-)

Code or no code, I'd rather be very slowly executed than even pretend to like "50 Shades of Grey". You know it started life as a piece of "Twilight" fan-fiction, right? (mutter)

For food, I like strong flavours: Indian, Italian, Mexican, Thai; if I had to pick just one then probably Indian. When it comes to alcohol I tend to undermine my virility by drinking girly things like Baileys, Archers with orange juice, sweet sherry, or port.
Six things I could never do without
I refuse to be bounded by your expectations, OKCupid! :-P

So, instead, here are seven things I quite definitely COULD do without:

1) Cheap sausages.
2) Films directed by Michael Bay.
3) People with limp handshakes.
4) Wasps. Exterminate them all!
5) "Reality" TV.
6) People who tell me to calm down.
7) Any remaining wasps that somehow managed to avoid being identified back at item number 4. (Sneaky little bastards).
I spend a lot of time thinking about
- "Christ, I really need to get a better photo than that." :-(

- Why so many people voted UKIP in the last European election. I mean, what made everyone think it was a good idea to elect as Britain's representatives in the EU a bunch of people whose primary political belief is that Britain shouldn't be represented in the EU?

- How much it ages me that I can still remember when Jim Carrey was funny.

- Why, in the "Most private thing you are willing to admit" section on this site do so few people actually admit anything? It makes no sense to say "The most private thing I am willing to admit is something that is so private I'm not willing to admit it."

- If there's any story involving time-travel that actually hangs together logically.

- Why so many people seem to be under the impression that Russell Brand is an actor (or indeed that he is a brilliant political commentator and intellectual revolutionary).

- The logistics of Noah's Ark. For instance, afterwards, how did the kangaroos get back to Australia from Mount Sinai? (Hop across the Indian Ocean? Find small islands and ride them along the Continental Drift like little kangaroo kayaks?) How did the olive trees survive for months under several miles of salt water? And, when the lions got home to Africa, how did they avoid making an entire species of herbivore extinct with every kill? (Antelope-flavoured manna, maybe?)

- Why do shops that cut keys always mend shoes as well? Is there only one operating manual for a key-cutting machine in the entire world and you have to walk across hot coals to get to it? With chinese flutes playing in the background, and amid wreaths of incense smoke, I imagine the eager young oriental student entering the temple, and saying to the venerable sage (in a dodgy chinese accent): "Master! I wish to learn Great Secret of Key-Cutting!" "First, Grasshopper," the sage intones, "you must study Ancient Art of Shoe Repair: only he whose shoes are without holes may learn the secrets of The Machine!"
On a typical Friday night I am
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
1) My living-room currently looks like the aftermath of a particularly damaging tornado in a down-market Oxfam shop.

2) "Currently" is probably an over-optimistic assessment.
You should message me if
Let's start with some people who should NOT message me.

You should definitely not, I repeat, NOT, I repeat, ***NOT*** message me if:

- You are going to need more than a few days of chatting online before you're comfortable meeting for a drink. I am not on here to look for pen-friends.

- You're looking for a "sugar daddy" - i.e. someone who will give you money or gifts in exchange for sex. (And if your profile contains the phrase "mutually beneficial" then please save us both a lot of aggravation and move on, right now...).

- When you've been exchanging messages with someone on OKC but find yourself losing interest, you think it's okay not to bother telling the other person that you aren't interested any more, but instead you just go silent and ignore them. (I'm serious about this: if you would even consider doing that, GO AWAY).

- And I really shouldn't have to spell this out, but several messages I've received lately have made it clear that I do need to: please don't message me if you're actually under-age! :-o

You *SHOULD* message me if:

- You are considerably younger than I am.

- The fact that I'm a lot older than you are strikes you as a positive thing (not as a problem to overcome).

- You spotted the bit in my Details section where it says "Relationship type: strictly non-monogamous" and you think it won't be an issue. (And if you aren't sure what that means, you should probably ask!)

- And particularly if you know what D/lg, DD/lg or D/bg is and you're looking for a D or a DD; or alternatively if you know what D/s is about and you're looking for a D.

Bonus points if:

- After reading the "My Personality in a Nutshell" section of my self-summary you felt inspired to organise a "Misusing Life-Saving Equipment in Gardens" flash mob. (BYOLSE).

- You think Tyrion is sexier than Jaime.

- You actually managed to read all the way through my profile without collapsing from exhaustion.

- Your message contains the word "platypus". (That's just a test to see if you actually read this far!)
The two of us