Well Heer’s yer lucky day! Ya found me! Before ya git too excited lemme tell ya a bit about mister wunderful here. I’m a good lookin’ feller with reel nice tattoos (done ‘em myself!) and most of my own teeth. I ben told lots o times I should be in show biz - they say I have a great face for radio. Now I'se not only a handy feller (I kin do wunders with duck tape and bailin' wire!) but I’m an edjucated man havin graduated from the eiyth grade durn near the top of my class. Yep, I gots big brians an’ I gots ambiton too! I owns a bait shop called “We Got Worms”. Yessiree-bob I are a buseness man. Them colege boys got nuthin on me I tells ya! I'se a man of strong convicshuns too. Well, only three convicshuns but the judge shore was strong about 'em! I are a level-hedded feller too ever since that thar shock treetmint at that speshul Doc's office place. The only porblem is ever time I use that mikerwave stove I wet myself... but you just pay that no mind! He said I took the MOST voltage he'd ever seen! Yup, one tuff guy I is!
Now I know you womenfolk like all that row-mance stuff like dinners and flowers and such. Well I kin woo with the best of ‘em. I kin take you to some fancy schmancy place where ya hafta wear shoes or we kin sit at home on the beanbag chairs and wach my tape of “True Grit”. Saturdey nites we kin take the gun rack off the truck and go to town! Fer flowers I’ll let you plant some out by the Buick around back. Just a big-harted guy I am. I’ll even let you have the reemote when the fishing shows and jerry springer is done.
I’m huntin’ fer a fine woman who looks good in bib overalls. She has to know how to cook crawdads, change a flat tire, and unnerstan english. I kin learn ya the rest of what you’ll need ta know.
Thar’s only so much of me to go around so this is strickly first come first served. Ya better move kwik to get some of dis man sammich.
I am Intelgent, good lukin, and funee
-building a pig from a kit
-burglar-proofing homes with concrete
I can only put five here - I need one hand to type y'know!