My life is more than a few words in a summary or some crap about how cool I am not to do this, in all honesty I can think of nothing to put here that would sway anyone's opinion of me one way or the other and in truth I don't want to. But anyway...
I am very authentic. I know who I am and never make any effort to appear any other way.
- Highly educated
- Have had many beautiful women in my life
- Safe and Trustworthy
- An attractive Fellow
- Socially Savvy
- Mysterious and Deep
- Well traveled
- Pee in your pants funny (but don't please that's gross)
- Maker of hot steamy pizza
- Loyal, Compassionate, Optimistic, etc etc etc
The list goes on and on. Some of you may think I am bragging right now. Fair enough, I often have a tendency to be, but it is always in a playful way. I do not take myself THAT seriously. This time I am stating things as I see them. I have worked hard to be the person I have become and I continue to every day. I have committed to continual striving to become the absolute best I can be for me and for those I love.
So why am I single? A friend of mine sent me over an application and one of the questions was as follows:
Fill in the blank: I like a girl that__________
Here was how I answered:
I like a girl that knows who she is, knows what she wants, is kind and compassionate but not weak, sassy and intelligent, knows when to say sorry and when to hold her ground, clever and sociable, secure with her body and sexuality, graceful and elegant, intuitive and curious, adventurous and dorky, beautiful beyond compare, crazy about me, knows how to please me and always up for trying new things, a world class cuddler, supportive, has her own life and friends, picks up on subtle hints and comes up with great surprises, able to rough it, optimistic and devoid of complaint, flirty and flexible, knows how to prioritize her life, let's go of the past and moves forward, takes time to figure herself out so she stops making the same mistakes over and over, in touch with her emotions but not overly emotional, creative, able to agree to disagree and acknowledge both sides of an argument, takes naughty pictures and sends them to me when we are apart, generous, fierce, will be a great mother when the time comes, takes care of her body for her and for me, has a strong healthy sex drive, solid in her identity but always open to new ideas to continue growing as a person, has nice round perky breasts with proportionately shaped nipples (hey, I know what I want), has passion in her kisses, finds beauty in her surroundings no matter where she is, loves to travel, spontaneous, able to make her own decisions independent from what her friends and family think, takes risks, and over all is a kick-ass awesome person.
So as you can see I am single because that kind of woman is harder to find than a mermaid in the desert. Perhaps I have already met her, or she is in Finland and I will meet her on my next voyage around the world? Maybe she is reading this right now?* Who knows? But when she does find me I know she will appreciate how picky I am and all the work I've done in shaping the perfect man for her.
I am a tall, successful 'cerebral' man who is a beach lover. If we talk, you will find that I am indeed charming with a great sense of humor and if we really get acquainted, you will find that I am a GREAT kisser who believes that kissing is essential to a great relationship. My 'SOUL' is kind and gentle but with a pure spirit that might well command your attention. In summary, I'm a most fortunate man in so many ways.
I am seeking someone who enjoys laughter, giggles, travel, family and above all, the absence of drama. At this point in life I don’t have time to waste of the small stuff that really just is not that important. I am searching for that "special chemistry" where both people are excited about being together. ...I know you're out there somewhere!
I'm just looking for someone to have some or a lot of fun with. Good sense of humor is nice, good dancer so you can lead me. Not really looking for a long term relationship at the moment, but you never know what will happen. Women under 25 encouraged to apply!
Grew up in the city but became a country boy and animal lover (especially horses and dogs). I enjoy people and reaching out to meet others and make them feel good about themselves. I have learned that a.q. (attitude quotient) is more important then i.q.. Wit and humor help me to survive and enjoy the moment.
Things seem to get to my heart easier now. Tears surprise me at anything sentimental or touching and tender. The simple things of life cheer me and fascinate me. Nature is majestic and inspiring. I enjoy authentic, kind-hearted people with soul and spirit and zest for life. Laughter is good medicine for the soul and along with my undying and crazy attempts at wit and practical joking (that gets me into trouble at times... you would think I would outgrow it...) but at least I try not to do it at others' expense.
I am a thinker and observer, but regenerate by being with others. Being lonely is part of life for many and I feel lonely sometimes in the midst of the crowd.
I am dashing, erotic, and naughty
Here is a list of all the things I thought were important:
1. I love making people smile
2. I plan on dedicating my life to helping people, especially kids who got dealt a crappy hand
3. I love my friends and family
4. I think ice cream is vastly overrated
5. When I was in the first grade I wanted to be an astronaut but my mom told me I couldn't because I'd have to travel too far from home
6. I have a stubborn streak. I'm working on it.
7. I once had a preschooler tell me I was worth 6 dollars and 47 minutes. I'm still not sure what that means, but I took it as a compliment.
8. If I won the lottery, I'd go to school forever, take a ton of cooking classes, and flip houses just for fun
9. I like playing and watching sports
Music-if you can fuck, drink, or nap to it, it's good music.
Alouette, Three Blind Mice, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Ten Little Indians, London Bridge, Mulberry Bush (Here we go round), I'm a Little Teapot, Home On the Range, Polly Wolly Doodle, Shoo Fly, Itsy Bitsy (Eensy Weensy) Spider, Oh Where Can My Little Dog Be, Pop Goes the Weasel, If You're Happy and You Know It.
My Favorite Bands:
The New Design Exceptions, Incest Parade, The Sneerleaders, Litter Box Triplets on Acid, The Milkmaids, The Cubits, Froth Cycle, Neverland's Queer, The Vacuum Children, Prolonged Internment, Paste, The Lazy Snowblowers, The New Jowls, Two Cows Named Pete, Max and the Unstable Colloids, Social Confinement, The Dead Actuarials, The Nick o' Teens, The Vision Test, The Heimlich Maneuver, Osmium and the Redheads, The Former Anglicans, Shoeleather and the Strings, The Type "A" Personalities, The Ostrich Alignment, The Angles Saxons & Jutes (before they became the Frisians), The Obscure References, Storm Kittie Beachhead III, The Organ Donor Cards (formerly known as the Transplant Surgeons), and The Two-Handed Backhands, the Dental Impressionists.
Most everything directed by dwarves. Also, I've been watching a fair amount of Finnish films lately, specifically:
Salaviinanpolttajat; Vasikan häntä; Margaretaa ajetaan takaa; Rusthollari Pettersonin Helsinginmatka; Verettömät Nuori luotsi; Kosto on suloista; Kun onni pettää; Se kolmas Pirteä ja kadonnut kori; Salainen perintömääräys; Väärennetty osoite; Nainen, jonkas minulle annoit; Tuiskusen kuherruskuukausi; Kalle Pettersson; Käpäsen rakkausseikkailu; Vieraalla maaperällä; Kaksi sankaria; Kesä Rikosten runtelema; "Peski"; "Lappa" ja poliisit.
The Simon Wiesenthal Variety Hour
Bubbles 'n' Curls
The Poop Network
The Golf Ball Channel
The Every Other Daily Show/The Blumeberg Report
The "P" Word
I Married a Republican
Two Late to Worry
How to Have Unhealthy Babies
Nitroglycerin Ice Cream: Cure for the Common Cold
Men I haven’t Slept With Since Tuesday by Tuesday Weld
Grazing: Your Way to Success
Bacon, bacon, bacon! I LOVE bacon!
How I'm gonna be able to get it up when I am 80.
Also, I can go for weeks and weeks without using a personal pronoun!
Who will answer at these numbers? Are you brave?
You like being licked.
You are very very pretty.
You are intrigued by hypnosis.
You enjoy nude mud wrestling.
You enjoy being a sex slave.
You are very good with your tongue and enjoy fellatio.
You don't gag easily.
Really, all that matters is how pretty you are and how far down your throat I can shove my tool.