I'm a rogue and a bard. A gentleman charlatan. A bastard in every sense of the word. A sad clown, a joyful doomsayer, a cranky old man in a 28 year-old's body.
"Sometimes I just wanna drive until the streets run out / I wanna burn until there's nothing left to burn about"
I like to climb trees, tell jokes and read books until my eyes can't take it anymore. I like to make fun of everything. I enjoy gaming, goofy horror movies, scary horror movies (if you'll cuddle me during the scary parts), walking on foot to new places, comic books, talking about Noam Chomsky, Indian food, Japanese food, food, a nitrogen and oxygen rich atmosphere, having my hair pulled, only being serious in private and being overwhelmed by the choices on Netflix and then settling into a documentary about typefaces or something, it was actually pretty cool.
"The gods love a fool."
Do you enjoy guys who make cute noises when you pet them? Do you bite the hand that feeds you? Do you pick your feet in Poughkeepsie? Do you still like climbing trees? Do you have a favorite sci-fi movie where a major city gets blown up? Isn't stuff neat?
"I am the fountain of affection / I'm the instrument of joy / And to keep the good times rollin' / I'm the boy, I'm the boy..."
I'm a comedian and a Mk. I Nerd. Game of Thrones. Marvel movies. Books with spaceships on the covers. Vidja garms. Look, I'm sure you like these things too, but really it's all just stuff to kvel and kvetch about with each other, as good as any other parcel of things really. And I love those things! Don't get me wrong. They are not what make us "weird" though, in fact they're quite mainstream and normalized. “What” is much less interesting to me than “how” and “why.” What's underneath? God, I love a good “why.” Have you read The Masters of Solitude?
"I'd rather everyone in this room die right now than have this fucking show go badly."
I've just come off a three year stint as a professional houseboy/sex-positive house cleaner, so I'm not looking for a “service relationship.” That's not to say that if we become close I won't serve you by cleaning, cooking, and the like. That just can't be the basis of the relationship. Ideally, we should both admire each other, enjoy each others' company, and both want and desire each other in emotional and sexual ways first. The toilet-scrubbing and garbage removal will come, believe me.
"I want your touches to scar me so I'll know where you've been / I want you to watch when I go down in flames"
Kinky things. I want to be in abject, adoring fear of you, like a child before a stern, punishing parent, like an animal in a cage with only a dim awareness of its captor's true cruelty. Pain is just the medium. Melt me down to the base elements. Let's find out what we're both made of. Let's go to the darkest, dankest places and come back with treasure.
"His staff I'll break and his dog I'll shake / And there'll howl no demon louder”
I can be a pet, but I am not a tame pet. I'm a Wildling, a Targaryen. I'm not going to give it up easily. The paradox, of course, is that I want to give it up SO HARD. So give me a reason. Or, alternatively, don't allow "reason" to be a factor. To paraphrase Game of Thrones, "I don't want to be aprince. I want to be the prince." I'm looking for someone I compliment. We should contrast well. A Zoe to my Wash. A Leela to my Fry. A Lyanna to my Rhaegar (think about it.) A Big Barda to my Mr. Miracle. I'll come for the imperium, but I'll stay for the auctoritas. Like Trent said, I need your discipline.
"I aim to misbehave."
I do temp jobs andI also work occasionally as a pro-sub in fetish movies and as a professional houseboy/sex-positive house cleaner. I feel it's important to stay busy.
If they can hear me? That I am incredibly loud.
Shows: Game of Thrones, Rick & Morty, The Expanse, Steven Universe, Firefly, Black Books, Louie, Parks and Rec, Community, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Walking With Dinosaurs, Rome, Babylon 5, Seinfeld, Animaniacs, King of the Hill, Ren & Stimpy, Supernatural, Breaking Bad, Futurama, Archer, Frisky Dingo, Jekyll, Doctor Who, Adventure Time, Regular Show, Young Justice, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Misfits, Black Mirror, House of Cards, American Horror Story
Movies: Blazing Saddles, Unbreakable, The Quiet Earth, Gojira, Seven Samurai, The Big Lebowski, The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, Clerks, Brazil, The Matrix Trilogy, The Departed, Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb, The Cabin in the Woods, The Avengers, Yojimbo, Throne of Blood, The Comedians of Comedy, Monty Python's Life of Brian
Video Games: Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island, Metroid Prime, Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem, Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy III, Zombies Ate My Neighbors, StarFox 64, Banjo-Kazooie, The Mass Effect Trilogy, Sword of the Stars II: The Lords of Winter, Resident Evil 4, Pokemon
Music: The Protomen, MC Frontalot, Childish Gambino, AC/DC, Bad Religion, The Aquabats, Parliament, Immortal Technique, Wu-Tang Clan, The Pogues, The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets, The Poxy Boggards, Dropkick Murphys, The Arrogant Worms, Finntroll, Green Day, Ben Folds Five
"Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger
"Minority" by Green Day
"Powertrip" by Monster Magnet
"Charisma Potion" by MC Frontalot
"Do It Anyway" by Ben Folds Five
"Blood, Sex and Booze" by Green Day
"Discipline" by Nine Inch Nails
"The Last Saskatchewan Pirate" by The Arrogant Worms
"Vengence" by The Protomen
"It's a Long Way To The Promised Land" by Bad Religion
"I Be On That" by Childish Gambino
"D'ampton Worm" by The Tossers
"Problem Child" by AC/DC
"One Week" by Barenaked Ladies
"The Mariner's Revenge Song" by The Decemberists
"Digging Up The World" by The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets
"In The Garage" by Weezer
"Home For a Rest" by Spirit of the West
"New Orleans Is Sinking" by The Tragically Hip
"The Bear and the Maiden Fair" by The Hold Steady
Podcasts: The Smartest Man in the World, Walking the Room, Comedy Bang! Bang!, You Made it Weird, The Nerdist, Harmontown, The Dana Gould Hour
Food: Sushi, grilled hamburgers, cinnamon cereal with vanilla almond milk, shrimp, crab, lobster, oysters, lamb, bread and tomato salad, Guinness-and-beef stew, tikka masala, orange chicken, whole roast chicken, Christmas goose
Intense and passionate conversation
The freedom to be weird
The carbon cycle.
* If you think this song and video are sexy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKfwCjgiodg
* You are a geek/dork/nerd/whatever
* You have an Armor Class
* You want to be bigger than you've ever dreamed
* You're in love with being Queen
* You remain crunchy even with liberal application of milk
* You want somebody to brush your hair
* You want somebody who will clean and cook for you, in or out of a little outfit ;)
* You are looking to Own a malleable little slut of Your very own
* You want somebody who will curl up at your feet while we watch TV/read books/just chat
* You want somebody to go out with and to come home to.
* You want somebody who will sing for you.