Around the age of 12 or 13, I discovered the joys of shoplifting. Here I had no money and yet I could acquire all this awesome stuff simply by sticking it in my pants and walking out the door while no one was the wiser. None the wiser was totally wrong though. I was no seasoned criminal in my exploration of this new found "hobby," so when all was said and done I was quite stupid with my shop lifting activities. Everyday after school, my younger brother of 5 years and I would peddle off to the local strip mall and hit the same store over and over again. We'd go in, stuff some stuff into our pants, take it outside to hide in our backpacks out by our bikes and then go right back into the store to steal some more stuff. We'd do this repeatedly over and over again on any given day and then most likely go back to the same store the following day to start all over again.
So, like I said, this wasn't exactly the smartest method to procure our loot because obviously the store personal would become a bit suspicious after seeing us come in an out of the store repeatedly while never buying anything.
Well this eventually caught up to us. One afternoon while my brother and I were looting the store in question, I'd noticed a strange acting man checking us out. When I say strange I mean he was really acting kind of looney and crazy. But, I hadn't become a seasoned shoplifter by this point, so my red flags didn't pop up. I ignored it, we grabbed our loot and then we took off. While heading out of the store I noticed this guy heading toward the door in a hurried fashion. At this point, I started to realize that there was a potential problem. So, I immediately jumped on my bike while instructing my brother to get on his bike so we could start moving out of their as fast as possible. Alas, by brother being about 7 years old at the time wasn’t as quick on his bike as I. Plus, he was the one carrying the bag with all of our stolen goods, which made it harder for him to get on his bike and go. Needless to say, the suspicious and crazy acting guy caught up to my brother promptly and detained him.
I instantly turned around to go back for him. At that point the guy was opening the bag my brother carried and pulling stolen stuff out. To which my prompt response was "Billy, what did you do?" At this point my brother was in tears and we were quickly taken back into the store. When my mother arrived later to pick us up, I'd told her that I’d had no idea what my brother was doing as I tried to put all the blame on him. This obviously was a really dick-ish move on my part. But, I was no older than 13 at the time and despite the fact that it made no sense for a 7 year old to be out at some department store stealing stuff while his older brother knew nothing of it, I figured that he would get into less trouble than I. So, I lied through my teeth.
Not that the lying did much good though. All of this happened maybe a week before Halloween. As a punishment for my brother and I, my mother had told us that Halloween was cancelled and that there was going to be no trick or treating that year. Man, what a horrible thing to hear at age 12 or 13. No trick or treating!!! How could we actually let Halloween go by and not score some of the free candy that almost every house in the neighborhood was giving out. This was sheer torture. But, no matter how I begged and pleaded, my mother wouldn't budge and Halloween was cancelled.
Well, being the typical arrogant and self centered teenager that I was, I was going to have no restrictions placed upon my cultivation of free sweets. When Halloween night came, I'd snuck out my bedroom window to try and hit as many houses as I could before attempting to get back home before getting caught.
Don Hertzfeld - Ah, L'Amour [High Quality] by MillerEsco
Movies, that's all over the place. But, I do have an affinity for, dare I say, "chick flicks." But, you'll never get me to watch those with you -- gotta do that in private to preserve my "manliness."
TV, lately that's been quite a bit of foreign programming. I prefer those because they tend to have a definitive story arch rather than dragging something out endlessly until no one cares anymore. But, of course, The Walking Dead. I have decided yet which is more addictive, the books or the show.
Books, too many to list. Let's talk about it instead.
Despite the fact that I became fully aware of the beauty of the naked female form at the tender age 8 and furthermore became aware of the realities of sex via pornography at the age of 10, my own path toward personal sexual fulfillment was a stumbling to say the least. Once I found out what my penis was intended for at the age of 10, I couldn’t wait to start to put it to use. Alas, it was quite sometime before I actually did.
On one such occasion I had been seeing this girl that I worked with at my first job. I was about 17 at the time, a junior in High School and she was a couple of years older than me and was in college. I don’t remember just how long I’d been seeing her for, but we would frequently make out in the back of her car after work. I was still a kid and rather shy and timid when it came to all things beyond making out. I didn’t fully realize my role in the bedroom so to speak and so I wasn’t really aggressive enough to get right down to it like I’d always wanted. I’d had one other sexual encounter prior to this experience when I was in 9th grade that hadn’t worked out too well. So, needless to say, I was stumbling all over the place.
At some point while I was seeing this girl, she and I ended up back at my place after work. I still lived at home, so I don’t know if I could really call it my place, but rather my mother’s boy friend’s place – since the two of them bought the house together but put everything in his name asshole that he was. But, we ended up back at my place after work and we were making out in my room. On the night in question I must have been feeling rather confident that I was actually pulling her clothes off, or she got tired of waiting and took them off altogether. Either way, she was naked and things were getting hot and heavy.
Since I’d seen pornographic films at a very young age and had continued to watch them thereafter, I had a preconceived idea of how the bedroom activities were supposed to play out. The couple makes out, kisses for a while, guy sucks on the girls breast, goes down on her, then the girl goes down on the guy, then they have sex ending with a pull out and the guy’s cum all over the girls face. That’s an easy enough formula anyone could handle it with enough motivation and desire.
So, as we proceed to make out with her naked before me, I started following the map in my head. I went down and started to suck on her nipples. Being that I was inexperienced, I didn’t really take much time at her nipples before I was taking a nose dive toward her vagina. I was moving fast. There was no subtlety or fineness about it. I couldn’t even take the time to kiss her along the way so that I was properly getting her warmed up and ready. Nope, my face went from nipples to crotch in about two seconds flat.
Now as I got my face to her special spot, I was instantly struck with a very strong and pungent odor. The smell that emanated from her vagina was so heavy that the air down there was stuffy and stifling. I’m sure I probably was having trouble breathing due to the stench and maybe that just happened to impair my judgement a bit beyond the stupidity of youth. I’d previously had a hint of what I was in store for once getting down there because I was actually able to smell her vagina when I was on her breasts. Needless to say, I was there to do a job and I got right to shoving my mouth and tongue into her vagina. To say that her vagina smelled bad in no way did justice to just how horrible it tasted. If you’ve ever tasted something after smelling how horrible it smells, you know that the taste is often ten times, if not 100 times, worse than the smell. But, being that I was young, dumb and full of cum, I proceeded to eat this girl out just like I’d seen in so many of those films that had filled my head with such delightful ideas. To this day I still don’t know what was wrong with the girl’s vagina, but it was creamy, thick and chunky all at once. Oh, and to say that the taste was horrible would be an understatement. If you’ve ever tasted a bad vagina, whether someone else’s or your own, than you can most definitely multiply that times 100 and you may have a hint of just how bad this thing tasted.
But, this was my first time going down on a female, so I had no clue as to what things would or should smell like and or taste like. So, I continued to flick my tongue all over the insides of this girls labia, trying to stifle my urge to vomit all the while. I think I probably did this for at least 5 minutes. But, those of us who have had sex, know that time has a way of slipping away while we are caught up in such activities. I’d hate to think that I’d spent any longer than 5 minutes with my face buried in that cess pool of a vagina, but it’s quite possible that I did.
Needless to say, I did my time between this girls legs adhering to the map of sex that had been set in my mind by years and years of porn. But, I did get the girl back to some extent. As I came up from her vagina, my breath heavy in front of my face as my mouth was filled with the vile taste of her body, I proceeded to give her a long and passionate kiss, filling her mouth was the same second hand taste that I had just endured.
I'm honest to a fault and I don't beat around the bush. You can't handle honesty, you won't like me. For that matter, if you're going to be so rude as to not even reply to a polite "hello." At least grow a pair and say you're not interested.
On a final note, if you're not physically active nor take care of yourself physically, it's not going to work. I learned first hand from my father's passing very young the consequences of a sedentary lifestyle - so I try to not walk the path that he did. But, what's the point of getting into a potentially lifelong committed relationship with someone if their lifespan will be so much shorter because they don't make the same effort to take care of themselves.