49Boulder, United States
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My self-summary
"Honestly, i am not the smartest crayon in the box just saying .. I did not grow up nor become very cultured, intelligent, nor sophisticated. But ..."

(Ok, I admit I stole that clever and excellent quote from a woman's profile a while back - it felt just right and was just too good to pass up!)

But... I like what I do now and I'm giddy about what's next too. I'm fun. I'm good company and unafraid of intense emotions - yours or mine. So I do well with kiddos, pets, and your protective friends and relatives. I'm on quite good terms with my old neuroses and I bet I'll like yours as well. I'm friendly, approachable, and quite curious about what it's like to be you. I used to ask a hell of a lot of questions but now I learn more when I just sit back and let you be yourself. I'm optimistic, confident, and comfortable with life's ironies, inconsistencies and reality in general. I'm easily delighted, never disappointed. I find humor in every absurd situation life has to offer.
What I’m doing with my life
I like reading up on pathologies of the mind as nothing is more fascinating than childhood trauma, chaotic relationships, and addictions. And the more I learn the more I like the parenting I received; I'm among the lucky for sure. My job allows me to connect with people who were abused/traumatized. It turns out they are some of the best I've met (once you get beneath the nasty defenses). Mostly, I spend my work hours distilling and defanging addictive disorders and other antisocial stuff people do to protect themselves. This is a position for which I'd not only volunteer but would gladly pay to have. Now, how many people can say *that*?!
I’m really good at
Sitting still while you freak out. And then thanking you for honoring me by sharing your freakout with me.

Oh, hey, what about this one:

"I like flaws and feel more comfortable around people who have them. I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."

That's Augusten Burroughs, the Running with Scissors fella. I'll say this about being fine while surrounded by flawed people or, more realistically, people who *believe* they're flawed: it requires being quite good friends with your own flaws.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm not necessarily looking for the female version of me. For example, I like to ride my bike but you don't have to even have one. It doesn't matter if we haven't seen any of the same flicks or read the same books. People frequently mistake commonality for compatibility, ever notice that?

More important is your attachment style: avoidant, anxious or secure (which are ya???) That will make you either comfortable or terrified in a romantic relationship so it matters. Also important is your desire to do your therapy *outside* of your relationship instead of relying on your partner to analyze/rescue/fix you. I provide none of those services and I make no apologies though I will support you wholeheartedly and help you figure out your mommy/daddy issues.

Whether or not you can put together an uber funny and alluring profile essay is meaningless (I've met writers - they're often depressed and self-absorbed. I've met women who don't write - they can be superb.) If you're normal you very likely tend to underestimate your appeal to others - that's the old "if people knew what I'm really like they would run!" thing. I say relax, it's all about what happens when we're face to face, would you agree?

I'm not so interested in how great or awful you look on paper or how you think you are or how you think I'll see you and all that; by now I expect everybody out there to have one or two juicy and permanent neuroses and a good amount of emotional baggage. That's routine and that's just fine because, you see, what matters most is how you're working with it and not whether or not it's there.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
some nice reads:

How To Be An Adult in Relationships, Richo
Interpersonal Process in Therapy, Teyber
Passionate Marriage, Schnarch
The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, Perry
Sex on the Brain, Amen
Out of the Shadows, Carnes
Letters to a Young Therapist, Pipher
Transforming Negative Reactions to Clients, Wolf
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment, Levine
Man's Search for Meaning, Frankl
The Chronology of Water, Yuknavitch
Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace
just made some time for Yalom's Lying on the Couch too

and lovely sources of news and opinion like, TMZ, Chive, The Onion, Jezebel,

I like this plain language article from the Times and its line "In a wiser, more self-aware society than our own, a standard question on any early dinner date would be: 'And how are you crazy?'"
Six things I could never do without
“Our frustration is greater when we have much and want more than when we have nothing and want some. We are less dissatisfied when we lack many things than when we seem to lack but one thing.”
― Eric Hoffer
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Lately it's all about self-compassion and empathy - these are the foundation for compassion (for others). Shame is cool too, that messes with a lot of people. Oh, and don't forget projection, that sneaky devil which, in the service of shame, has us pointing the finger at everyone but ourselves. When it comes to others I meet I like to think about this: the relationship of your *realistic* strengths and achievements to your *imagined* flaws and failures.
On a typical Friday night I am
Connecting with pals on Pearl street or meeting nice people from OkCupid. I've been shown by online dates I'm pretty tolerant and patient. I consider any meet up to be a good one, no matter how bizarre it seems.

Here's a good one, a kind of smoldering freakout, 100% true too. I met a mid-40's mom of 4 for drinks at Jax. Great stories and lots of charm from this one. But a guy she dated for six (6!) years turned out to be not what he seemed and she was still smarting over it. Her strategy for avoiding future disasters went like this:
Hi Tom, I'm Liz.
Hi Liz, good to meet you!
Are you gay?
No, thanks for asking though.
Are you gay?
Are you gay?
Um, lemme check: not gay.
Are you gay?
Still not gay.
Are you gay?
Hey, are you trying to imply I’m really good looking? Flatterer!
Are you gay?
Ah, you have no GAYDAR.
Are you gay?
Have you heard of Juliet Jeske, her Huffington Post stuff?
Are you gay?
How could I be gay wearing these rags? Got 'em at Goodwill. I think i need a haircut too. I ran out of forming cream last week...
Are you gay?
Oh you poor thing, what happened to you?
Are you gay?
oof, now I just have to know. More wine?

I ran into my dear friend Liz at the Safeway the other day and thanked her for her contribution to my profile. She loved it and rewarded me with a hug.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I've just made friends with introvert parts of me after completely ignoring them for years. Cool, huh? Now I can be a bit more empathetic with real introverts.
You should message me if
You feel like cracking wise in response to some part of this here dating profile. I punish never and reward always.

here are some dating-related wisecracks:

Dating anecdote chapter titles for the upcoming memoir - here's a little peek at some of my dating adventures from the past. Message me if you've exceeded the horror here or if you think it's worth a chuckle or if you know being a human is a ridiculous situation and the chuckling never stops:

Margs at the Rio: Limit 3. She had 5. Somebody ended up in tears

Blackout! The woman from Golden transforms herself with ethyl alcohol

Angry Doc! Internal medicine MD has rage issues

She farted. I knew. She knew I knew. She never returned my calls or emails after that...

Borderline 1: Hates people but lonely

Borderline 2: Aussie Aussie Aussie Pills Pills Pills! High IQ and rage-filled Sydney native hates people but needs a distraction from her back pain and too much vicodon, m-contin and any other opiate she could get from her MD pal. My friends, reasonably, concluded I was an idiot after this one.

Rebounder: The ADD pro triathlete is drinking, distracted and still owie from her last relationship

Poker Face: The pediatrician

She lied: Claimed 5'9" but is 5'11"!

Age math: 53 is the new 45 so why not go ahead and just say you're 45?

Age math: I didn't want to be excluded from men's searches so I lopped off 5 years, tha's cool, right?

Status math: I'm still married but i don't love him so I stated I'm divorced, that's cool, right?

Borderline 3: Afterwards the cop said she smelled like a distillery but let her go because she was cute

Rampage! Heidi's "yes" month

Mama Bear: I witness the power of a nurturing, empathic mom

Deutschland Uber Alles: Pain in the Ass German Psychotherapist - her self-description, not mein [sic]

Lice: Eliana from Buenos Aires brought lice back from Argentina

Let's Meet After I Get Out of Rehab. Eleanor, the Notre Dame attorney and legend

"Oh, I'm just stripping to get through grad school." Yeah, right. A year later I saw she was an instructor at a Denver university. PhD in Biological Sciences. My bad.

She Dry Humped Me: Christine with a bit of bipolar disorder and an appealing hypersexuality

Nervous Nellie Nurse: 5 years in recovery (opiates) - but not working any steps beyond number 3

She texts: "I'll be right there - I'm in the alley puking"

She screams at me on our first date WERE YOU AN ONLY CHILD???
The two of us