30Chicago, United States
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My self-summary
From age 10 to age (let's say) 17 I kept a secret hundred dollar bill on me at all times. For whatever. Maybe soccer practice would take a turn for the worse and I'd need to bribe a guard. At once both over- and very, very under-prepared.
What I’m doing with my life
I grew up in Madison, WI--which, for the uninitiated, is an archetypal college town like Berkeley or Ann Arbor, if Berkeley or Ann Arbor smelled of cheap beer and wore XXL Packers jerseys to dates (tucked in). A year and a half ago I moved (back) to Chicago to work as an EMT. Now transitioning to bartending.

Sometimes I contemplate grad school, to cultivate my higher faculties and improve my prospects--like every good millennial with a woefully unpragmatic degree. But inevitably I'll encounter a raft of articles warning that post-grad education is a path to peonage, and I'm better off learning air conditioner repair. ("No, Financial Aid Application, I do not have 'overseas assets.' I am sitting on a lawn chair indoors.")
I’m really good at
impractical things (in the parents-ask-you-what-you're-doing-with-your-life sense): self-congratulation, mental math, drawing still life, looking things up, trailing off, sighing demonstrably when newscasters misuse the word 'literally', finding today's urban gentry insufferable, accepting rhetorical apologies, becoming infuriated over David Brooks op-eds, treading water indefinitely, wit of the staircase, discharging the offices of local armchair art historian, befriending the people in line at bars, being thoughtful but embarrassingly obtuse; laboriously explaining jokes; getting all hot under the collar about what are in fact injustices institutionalized by power--and not, y'know, several million cases of individual moral deliquency
The first things people usually notice about me
other end of burrito is clearly open and leaking onto his shirt
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Chomsky, Joyce, John Updike is garbage, history, Caravaggio, (Josef) Herman, Harold and Kumar 2: Escape from Guantanamo Bay, Chungking Express, Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters, The Simpsons, The Colbert Report (RIP), "prestige TV" is a lie, Northern Soul, really old gospel, post-punk, rap about The Revolution and/or killing cops, Patsy Cline, and I'm pretty open and adventurous when it comes to food, though I usually put healthy-ish stuff in my fridge; Chapo Trap House
Six things I could never do without
-the internet (while all the other kids are outside laughing and playing stick-and-hoop)

-music (filling up hard drives, going to shows)

-bar trivia (I have a long story about how we "won" Team Trivia nationals a few years ago, but "didn't")

-books (in case sudden disaster leaves the world without normal bricks? always a boyscout.)

-my friends (or their paid surrogates)

-dictionaries/encyclopedias (mind the gaps)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
filthy lucre, bonfires of the vanities, Wordsworth, amour de soi v. amour-propre v. social media, the narrow range of opinion presented by the NYtimes, moving to Austin, whether Austin is still worth moving to, if Provo is the new Austin, was the old Austin really Nashville all along, what is too drunk to drive a space shuttle
On a typical Friday night I am
looking for fun, often involving a few drinks and/or live music
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
omg this whole time i've been calling her urethra franklin
You should message me if
you're up for activities, are a functioning conversationalist who asks questions IN ADDITION TO answering them (ahem), and not a Republican or--god forbid--a libertarian
The two of us