68 New Orleans, United States
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My self-summary
I am in a relationship and no longer interested in meeting anyone new.

I moved to New Orleans from Pasadena, California, in November, 2011. I love it here, and New Orleans is now my home. My children live in Brooklyn, Los Angeles & Portland.

I was a lawyer for many years, a stay-at-home parent for my two daughters for many years, then a lawyer again for a few years. I had a "take this job and shove it" moment in 2008 and quit working, went on the lam and traveled for most of that year. Except for editing someone else's book that was published in 2010, I have not worked since I left St. Louis in 2008 (and don't intend to do so).

I value kindness, compassion and openness-of-personality; I want to love and be loved thoroughly and passionately. Although flawed, I pay attention to my partner, what she says, what she needs and wants. Sometimes I get it right; sometimes, I fail.

Gay rights = essential - two of my kids are gay, as is my oldest friend; accepting them and other gay people is a must.

Over the years, I have been to a lot of places, my favorites of which are Thailand, Wakulla Springs (Florida) State Park, New Harmony (Indiana), Singapore, Salzburg (Austria), and New Orleans.

I have been in all the states - lived in ten of them (some more than once) - and been in twenty countries, mostly in Asia and Europe. Once, I lived briefly in Thailand. You John Prine fans out there: I have actually lived in Muehlenberg County and know where Paradise lays!

I was at Woodstock, but mine is a sad, sad story of opportunity lost!

I love to read, and I write about interesting people I have met, politics, current events and my travels and life. I have also written articles on child-raising, pre-marital counseling, recovery and law, which have been published.

On a political compass - you might try the questionnaire at - I am in the unusual anarcho-socialist quadrant, along with Gandhi, my longtime hero Nelson Mandela and my lifelong hero, MLK, Jr.

I have some attributes that I like; I have some characteristics that I do not like and have worked on - and in some cases still have to work on. I regret it, but there are limits to what I am able to do.

My life has been complicated and has not linearly progressed to "living life to the fullest." In the words of Tyler Durden in Fight Club, "You don't know where I've been."

I am sensitive, expressive, and sometimes lost.
What I’m doing with my life
Traveling, reading, fumbling, wondering, wandering, seeing, questioning, writing, being in contradiction with myself, struggling and not fitting in with much of our culture.

Never camping, again - ever.

Telling stories - I love to write and tell them, and almost all of my stories are true! I will share them if you ask.

"As a Bokononist, I would happily go anywhere anyone suggested." [from Cat's Cradle, by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.]
I’m really good at
Many people use this section to say that they are really good at "anything I put my mind to." I think, on the other hand, that this is a helpful place to say something about actual-me and my abilities, rather than triumphalist-me {"I could do brain surgery if I r-e-e-a-a-l-l-l-y wanted to - really, I could"}.

Of course, I could be wrong ... and am simply being judgmental and cruel.

I am good at:

Expressing my feelings, listening to - and hearing - what people say, falling in love too quickly-foolishly, telling the truth about not wanting to camp, seeing things that are not readily apparent, sometimes seeing things that are ... well ... not actually there, telling the truth, being caring and empathic, taking care of small children, being a really fun traveling companion.

I was very good at taking care of and nursing my then-wife when she had inflammatory breast cancer.

I am a pretty good writer.

I am told, and believe, that I have a knack for finding interesting, unusual places while traveling.

Here is something I believe:

"It is a simple matter to make a difference by doing small things; just do that."
The first things people usually notice about me
How would I know that? (I am astonished by how many people write lists of their characteristics that they know - they just KNOW - other people first notice about them! OK, I'll stop.)

Oh, wait, it's probably that I am that rare man on OKCupid who does NOT leap quickly and effortlessly from jeans to tux and back again, whilst living life to the fullest (and taking yoga ... and kayaking ... and taking long walks on the beach). I think tuxes are stupid, and I gave mine to Goodwill, when I moved. I mean ... does every woman at a fancy event wear the same outfit? (But, in the immortal words of Congressman Wilbur Mills when speaking of the virtues of Fanne Foxx, "Of course, I could be wrong.")
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I have received some criticism from a few people who thought I was _____, ______ or ______ for having long lists. I have them because each of these books and movies matter to me; I started writing and kept on thinking of another. If you don't like that ... that is certainly OK; but you need not tell me.

Books: Cat's Cradle & Slaughterhouse 5 (Kurt Vonnegut), The Moor's Last Sigh (Salman Rushdie), The God of Small Things (Arundhati Roy), The Drama of the Gifted Child (Alice Miller), The Dance of Anger (Harriet Lerner), Fight Club (Chuck Palahniuk), The Book of Ruth & A Map of the World (Jane Hamilton), Gladstone (Philip Magnus), Snow Falling on Cedars (David Guterson), A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving), She's Come Undone (Wally Lamb), Kafka on the Shore (Haruki Murakami), Daisy Bates in the Desert: A Woman's Life Among the Aborigines (Julia Blackburn), Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver), Guide to Guys (Dave Barry), The Neon Rain (James Lee Burke), 1421 (Gavin Menzies), White Man's Grave (Richard Dooling), Catch-22 & Something Happened (Joseph Heller), The Tao of Pooh (Benjamin Hoff), Mountains Beyond Mountains (Tracy Kidder), Ali and Nino (Kurban Said aka Lev Nussimbaum aka Essad Bey), The Orientalist (Tom Reiss), The Remains of the Day and The Unconsoled (Kazuo Ishiguro), The Magus (John Fowles), Chicken Dreaming Corn [really, this is The Great American Novel] (Roy Hoffman), Ellen Foster (Kaye Gibbons), Margaret Mead and Samoa: The Making and Unmaking of an Anthropological Myth (Derek Freeman), Embers (Sandor Marai), The First American: The Life and Times of Benjamin Franklin (H.W. Brands).

Movies: My Life As a Dog, Fried Green Tomatoes, Fight Club, A Very Long Engagement, Meet Joe Black, Being There, Girl With the Pearl Earring, Raggedy Man, Age of Consent (James Mason & Helen Mirren (her first film)), The Natural, Repulsion, Psycho, numerous Ingmar Bergman movies, almost all Bogart movies, Steel Magnolias, Apocalypse Now, Falling Down, Body Heat, Deliverance, In the Heat of the Night, The English Patient, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, Carrie, Shawshank Redemption, The Producers (1960's), Snow Falling on Cedars, The Wizard of Oz, Thelma and Louise, Blue Velvet, Dr. Strangelove - or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, The Graduate, 50 First Dates, Rain (1932, Joan Crawford), Bagdad Cafe, Rocky, The Godfather, Love Actually, The Lover, Rabbit-Proof Fence, The Girl in the Cafe ["When people look back on our lot in fifty or a hundred years and see that we had the power to end unnecessary deaths due to extreme poverty - and didn't do it - they will say, 'What were you thinking?' "].

Old rock 'n roll, Delta blues, New Orleans jazz

Pasta, ice cream, lattes, scallops, shrimp, Key Lime Pie

Query - are Brahms, Beethoven and Bach "world music" or do we only apply that label to 3rd "world" cultures?

Query - is sushi "ethnic food" or do we only apply that label ....?
The six things I could never do without
It's hard to say what one could never do without - I have lost a lot of people and things. But, I do not like doing without running water and showers, friends, books, sleep, my kids, watching the St. Louis Cardinals AND a partner who I love and with whom I share everything. [Points awarded for picking out which ones I am currently doing without.]
I spend a lot of time thinking about
My (grown) children
Why I repeat some mistakes
What's it all about, Alfie?
Why many men put pix of their boats, motorcycles, trucks & guns on their profiles; for women - why all the pix of dogs?

I often wonder about the vegan/vegetarian position on flesh-eating animals - should animals that ("who"?) eat other animals be required to attend re-education classes? Should flesh-eaters in zoos be fed beans, rice & peanut butter?

Still trying to make sense of the woman who wrote "Age is only a number" but limited the men who should contact her to those younger than her.

"Life becomes bearable only when one has come to terms with who one is, both in one's own eyes and in the eyes of the world. We all of us must come to terms with what and who we are, and recognize that this wisdom is not going to earn us any praise, that life is not going to pin a medal on us for recognizing and enduring our own vanity or egoism or baldness or our pot-belly. No, the secret is that there's no reward and we have to endure our characters and our natures as best we can, because no amount of experience or insight is going to rectify our deficiencies, our self-regard, or our cupidity. We have to learn that our desires do not find any real echo in the world. We have to accept that the people we love do not love us, or not in the way we hope. We have to accept betrayal and disloyalty, and, hardest of all, that someone is finer than we are in character or intelligence." (Embers, by Sandor Marai)
On a typical Friday night I am
Reading a book, writing, watching St. Louis Cardinals baseball; this is not how I would prefer to be spending my Friday nights, however. Now and then, I spend a Friday night getting to know someone.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit

Oh, what the heck; I'll play -

I am stunned and confused why so many people say that the worst characteristic someone could have is "no sense of humor." How can that even be close to "arrogance" as the most terrible characteristic a person could have?

I have never kayaked, as everyone else apparently has, although I have canoed amongst smallish gators in the Everglades - eek! But then, I had a little alligator when I was 11; and I have studied them and have seen lots of them since ... and love them, as some people love and admire eagles, elephants, lions and polar bears.

I have had two actual OKCupid nightmares that woke me from a deep sleep: 1. all of the women on OKC who say they are "smart as a whip" appeared together in my dream and had ACTUAL WHIPS inside the little black dresses that everyone loves, and (2) ... oh, I can't tell this one - it was too terrifying!
You should message me if
You like books and movies and traveling and thinking. You like alligators (just kidding - that's optional). You want someone who will pay attention, actually listen and try his best to hear you. You want someone who tries to respect everyone ... but sometimes fails. You want someone who admits he is not close to having all the answers, who sometimes stumbles ... but is very interesting. Or you could start a conversation by telling me your views on the differences between "woman", "girl" and "lady" - and why our culture seems to use them interchangeably whereas they once had distinct meanings.