"If you don't want to be treated like a commodity, don't try to act like one". - Seth Godin
6 months ago I ended a very lovely, always open, but long distance relationship, and so I am not currently looking for 'dating' at the moment per se - (though I do miss cuddles). I was recently talking things over with a friend about it and said; I don't think I had the emotional energy to be working on myself and always be thinking how am I going to explain myself; and worrying if I am being fair and doing the right thing by the other person. - My friend laughed and replied; “oh that’s relationship’s, that’s constant”. I got a massive feeling of relief because it meant to me that I wasn’t “doing it wrong” but perhaps that this was inherent to monogam-ish dating for me. - I think perhaps in future I should only be involved with people who can do casual-ish well, who can still be actual friends, in groups, or who already have partners with whom they have an ethical arrangement. I feel like ‘compersion’* might actually be a defining aspect of both my attraction and a “need” for my mental well-being. I enjoy seeing my friends hugging, cuddling and having fun with their/our friends. Not feeling like I owe myself to another person, but taking joy at being involved, being alive, and present in life, and sharing that with the other wonderful people that I am privileged to know. Empowering them to do as they want, and through that realizing more what I want - growing as people, and sharing adventures.
-May you all find what you are looking for (!) :)
My theories about profiles is they should serve two purposes; giving a sense of the person, and an excuse to start a conversation. I feel the first one comes out in just writing sincerely, and the second in trusting people to judge for themselves.
Now lets define terms; 'Genuine Respect'. Genuine respect being according to my personal definition an honesty of language, a trust that someone is independent enough to apply their own values, an appreciation of mood, and a respect for the other person - their self efficacy and self determination.
I don't like to use labels, but I don't mind that other people like to self identify. At their best I like to think of labels like signposts, which help you find where the interesting and understanding people are. I just personally try not to get too hung up on gender; because basically, if you live long enough everyone gets boobs and a moustache.
My preference is to talk to someone for a while, see people as people. And whether it's a friend with whom I go clothes shopping, or put on music and prance around as I take them off; for them to appreciate me as a person, not a type. And to meet more people who feel the same way. Not wanting to be a cliche; I know, it's soo INFJ.
Design, Photography, Urban Exploration and Baking.
I'm thinking of having some of this years photos put up in a gallery with a few friends. Now is the time in life to find out. ^^
Resolving it with a rad pun.
But I'm waiting for the other person to set the tone.
So that I know I have met a fellow confidante.
Most people don't want to engage outside of their own narrative of self, their comfort zone and often "hero's journey". And that's okay, I respect that I am an acquired taste. It's not my job to judge, it's my job to find my peoples. ^^
-'The Picture of Dorian Gray' by Oscar Wilde
-'Watership Down' by Richard Adams
Are probably the three most influential books that have shaped how I think about life and narrative. -Although please don't judge me by Houellebecq. He's interesting, which isn't the same as right.
Also this is pretty funny =3
I am currently doing this thing where I read authors in the chronological order their books were published and pseudo-profile the authors changing opinions. So far I have ticked off most of Asimov's fictions, a lot of Frank Herbert and Orson Scott Card, as well as a fair bit of Harlan Ellison. I'm currently on the home stretch of doing the same to Terry Pratchett.
I like going to restaurants and ordering anything I can't pronounce, or that sounds unusual that I haven't had before.
I currently really love gule hati ayam and pho.
Also I want to try making homemade jam donuts! ^^
Though my inner existentialist had an overwhelming desire to fill this gap with white space, some things in life are impossible..
like having 'one' chocolate.
And why I actually have quite a low 'Match rating' with most of the people on the site who do list 'casual sex'. Maybe we are doing it differently(?) Perhaps I would be better suited to a 'casual cuddling while talking' or 'medium-term naked friend massaging'.
My wishing chair needs new wings(!)
But on other days of the week I will be heading out to something vaguely artsy. Or getting brunch or coffee with friends in the city when I can, maybe a picnic in a park or cooking dinner together at someone's house and watch a movie. I like checking out quirky new bar's and pubs, though normally on the quieter days. Visiting a friends stall at a market and seeing all the craft projects. Or getting on a train or tram, hopping off somewhere random and poking about with my camera.
I always read the 'You should message me if' section of peoples profiles first. Because it's usually more revealing of how people define themselves, through rejection of what they are not, or idolization of who they want to meet, then how they would like others to perceive them. I find it fascinating!
Whenever I read profiles and click the 'similar users section', I very quickly go down a rabbit hole of reading the most friggen amazing profiles, only to yet again find that I have found myself in the lesbian section of the site ! Maybe not being contacted by straight men with entitlement issues on here is a much more positive experience, oh hum..
I haven't done the poly thing myself, but I have a very high opinion of the people I have met who have ethically managed it. They have normally been remarkably emotionally empathetic, caring and balanced people. With inspiring lives and wonderful stories they were willing to share.
I would much rather an honest friend, then a dishonest lover.
The number one thing male bodied people read on dating sites is "no time wasters", so if I am one year out of your age range or you've listed 'long-term dating' - you're pretty much going to have to.
** Also you will be saving me from infinitely reading profiles in a never ending quest to understand the human condition, and never messaging you, because you seemed like such a rad human being that you're clearly to busy !
I'm not going to talk you into anything.
Your motivations should be your own!
Message me and set the 'tone',
be empowered to set your own boundaries.
Meet your own expectations of who you are.
(Yeah, this is self advice for me too right).
I didn't message you first, but please don't feel blue.
It's the tone of your message, friendly intentions ring true.
Difference inspire's, I think it's an art.
Empathy, not sameness that grows all our hearts.
Would you like to tell me a story, or hear one instead?
Just go on adventures, or perhaps curl up in bed?