27 Pittsburg, United States
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My self-summary
[EXCITED DRONING]Hello there and welcome to what might be the single most useless page you have read all day! I am Chris, I will be your narrator for this portion of the tour. Please keep hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times and do not feed the droids. This Boeing 737-800 is equipped with eight emergency exits. If you feel you have reached this page in error, please navigate away from the current page. As always, thank you for flying Pan-Am.

Let's spin this thing up for once. Hi. I'm Chris. I hope it's been noticed by now that I'm a bit of a screwball. I'm in graduate school right now, working on my Master's degree. When that's done in December, I hope I get the hell out of Pittsburg and into a teaching job or off to a doctoral program. Or a museum, or grant writing, or technical writing.

In the meantime, dear viewer, I'm stuck here. For better or worse, sickness or health, stupid frat people, or not. Oh. That's important. I am in no way shape or form a frat boy. And I don't bite. I'm up on immunizations and regularly scheduled maintenance.

I've got a few hobbies that eat away at my mind. I am a gearhead. The correct term might be petrolhead, but gearhead works. I'm obsessed with cars, and I am also an amateur horologist. (I don't study streetwalkers. That's the job of the clinic) I was a clockmaker's apprentice for a while. I still dabble from time to time, though my toolset is incomplete and my hands now shake. I've got a mind for the mechanical, so if you want to know just how a thing works, I'm probably the guy. I will do my best to keep such mechanical and automotive nonsense to a minimum. (Unless you're the sort that brandishes that kind of talk)

I enjoy reading. I read quite a bit. Books are an addiction, and for once I have more shelves than books. It's rather frightening, and it will not last. I write stuff from time to time, though most of it is likely garbage and purely for me, or to get the brain rolling. The assignments very well could be garbage also. I love to cook. food is to be communal. It is to be enjoyed. And I enjoy making it. Perhaps 'assembling' might be the better term. I doubt I grew the wheat. If I have been doing so, that would be trippy. You won't find a better Vodka sauce than mine. It's pork fat deglazed with an alcohol fire. And other stuff.

I bet this is the part where you wonder whether or not that religion bit was a typo or whether or not I was paying attention. Given the previous part about the pork fat. I don't keep kashrut. Sooner or later, every attempt has been defeated by properly made meatballs. Which then get covered in cheese. If I'm going to break the rules, might as well roll hard in the, erm, sauce. In other words, attempt to convert me back at your own risk. It ain't happening. I'm not the tall, strong christian southern cowboy man. I don't have a truck. I'm no farmer. But I'm no city slicker either. I'm a Yankee. If you want to show me a rebel flag, the stars had better be in a circle in the top corner. Okay. Still here? My, you are indeed persistent. New York city makes my skin crawl. Too crowded, and I can't see the sky. I can't stand Philly. My favorite season is not Autumn. It's a depressing time. I love winter, though. Maybe a year in Fargo froze all my good sense. I get overly excited when there's a bunch of snow.

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What I’m doing with my life
Getting a Master's in History and otherwise venturing on the path of enlightenment and self-improvement. I've made some mistakes. I'm eating better and losing weight. Yay.
I’m really good at
I love to cook and entertain. Cooking helps me keep my sanity. I'm a fairly decent snowboarder, but I don't get to go nearly as often as I would like.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm usually told that I look like Harry Potter. Beyond that, I'm told that my hair is crazily unruly and that I have an intense, wild-eyed look. It puts some people on edge. Others find it highly entertaining.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I'm an inveterate bookworm. Favorite books:

Wise men and their tales, The Kite Runner, Breakfast of Champions, (Anything Vonnegut, really) , Wandering Star, The Secret Speech, The Stone Gods, Battletech/Mechwarrior novels, Clive Cussler books, Stephen Coonts books, Heschel, Terry Pratchett, and The Harry Potter series.

TV Shows:
Narcos, Marco Polo, Top Gear

Movies: Hugo, Wall-e, La règle de jeu, The Thomas Crown Affair, Rush,

Music: Cream, Jamiroquai, Led Zeppelin, Parliament/Funkadelic, The B-52's, ZZ Top, Judas Priest, Elton John, Johann Strauss II, Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov, Tom Lehrer, Grateful Dead, Pepe Deluxé, Joe Pass, Curtis Mayfield, Ozzy Osbourne, Stray Cats, Lee Rocker,

Video Games: Yes.

Food: Middle eastern is my favorite.
The six things I could never do without
1. People. I firmly believe that there is nothing more antithetical to our very humanity than aloneness. There is nothing worse than feeling alone.

2. Music. I may not be very musically inclined, (I can sing, but haven't picked up an instrument in years) but it makes life so much better. So many memories are tied to various songs. While driving on a warm, sunny day I feel compelled to blare Cream's cut of Crossroads with the sunroof open, just like I did the first day I had my first car.

3. A set of screwdrivers and ratchets and sockets. One never knows when a thing needs fixing. And Duct Tape.

4. Comedy. Life is funny. Sometimes it's hilarious. Without Humor, life is really dull.

5. Books. I love reading.

6. Snow. Without snow, there is no winter. Without winter, there is no snowboarding. Without snowboarding, there is a longer period of wanting to snowboard. One could say that it's an addiction.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Food. Life, Time, and the nature of the universe. Food. Cars. Enlightenment. Food. Reality. Beer. Staying positive. Food. Living on a boat.
On a typical Friday night I am
I don't know anymore. Pittsburg is tragic.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I love station wagons. They are the bomb.
You should message me if
- You think you can make me laugh
- You are offended by the contents of this page and would like to send hate mail.