By night, I drudge my body back to the ITV acclaimed Essex.
Highlights of living at home: free food, free rent and unconditional parental guidance.
I have just made that up.
My luscious brown locks and overbearing laughter are often topics of discussion.
Everything the opposite sex could want; stig of the dump with an addiction for nitrous oxide.
Every movie made since then has been inferior in all respects.
Show: I haven't seen the skit put on by any of my page visitors, until then I refuse to make a definitive choice.
Music: What usually gets my rump shaking are late 90s early naughties r'n'b.
What usually gets me teary-eyed are any slow songs by an African woman that has been labelled a SAAAAAnger and not a 'singer'.
What usually gets me up and ready for the day are skinny pale guys with unkempt haircuts.
Books: I'm literate, that's all you need to know.
Food: I love food. I really do. If it was food or love, the choice is physically impossible.
The two are mutually exclusive: In order for me to love I must have energy -food. After consuming food I fall in love.
Thai, indian, indonesian, italian, chinese.
The list could go as high as the world's tallest trees
whatever it is just give me more please
Even if it means, momentarily, I can't fit into my size 8 jeans.
I'll do it for one more tasty morsel
I don't care when or how or even if I feel awful.
* I totally just made that up, I'm not a size 8, I'm a 10.
For aesthetic considerations the single-digit size fitted better in the poem, however, would not do the same on my bouncy brown booty.
For all of you men that do not know what-who- this is. She is a guardian angel who separates my eyebrows on a regular basis. Without her my forehead would never see the light of day.
I'm open to suggestions.
A chronic childhood condition brought on by mother's culpable negligence for 'self soothing'. When mummy wasn't there, a dummy or finger was always spare.
save me some money, time and kill two birds with one hair-raising stone.