Arsus
32 Seattle, United States
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Arsus
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My self-summary
I am fat, I am covered in tattoos, I am a house-spouse, I don't drive, I can't hike and I live north of the ship canal. I also have some bad-ass partners. If none of that bothers you, then you are IN FOR A TREAT. Read on!

I like to go out in gold sequined booty shorts and ass-shake the night away. Fuck it.

I am kitsch personified. I am a collector of basic level knowledge on a variety of things; I like to exchange views and statistics on quantum physics, sociology, the human condition, statistical demographics, gender politics, social justice, socialism, esports, which Bluth was the most charming, Goetia, feminism, 60's soul, elegant code, Reek (It rhymes with weak), the Oxford comma, the constant and unstoppable downward spiral of Walter White, and what makes a good Scotch.

I have the inexplicable ability to hold solid conversations about things that I have no right knowing about.

I am engaging, organized, irreverent, social and intentional.

I am a supporter of social justice, civil liberty, human rights, LGBTQ equality, and consider myself an intersectional feminist.

I can put one foot behind my head while standing up. This, along with the tattoo of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) on my ass, has earned me more than a few new friends.

"If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants" -Isaac Newton
What I’m doing with my life
Professionally, I am the seneschal to my found-family's estate. Education-wise, I went to school for applied computing, mathematics and creative writing (I am an odd duck), and I am really good at doing other people's paperwork.

In my free time;

hanging out with cats, eating stinky cheeses, keeping loose, being an impetus for adventure, writing raps about my favorite lunch meats, Smangin it, touching butts (consentually), writing things
I’m really good at
Being bold
Cuddling
Eating candy
Being your hot date to social engagements (I clean up real nice)
Fact-checking myself.
Creating the "strip" version of any game

Giving people nicknames that stick, square butts.
The first things people usually notice about me
That they are instantly attracted to my winning personality and the constant stream of hyper-intelligent humor; also, my nigh infinite fount of modesty.

Hey, my eyes are up here. Perv.

(Yes, I am that tall.)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
(a) Gaiman, Stephenson, Dick, Moore,

Whatever math text I am buried in.

Clavicula Salomonis Regis

Not Ayn Rand

(b) The Big Lebowski, Waking Life, Equilibrium, Memento, Titus, Clash of the Titans (this movie was on this list long before the remake was a glimmer in Liam Neeson's eye), Wet Hot American Summer, Dune (Lynch's), anything John Waters, The Life Aquatic, Harold and Maude, Wristcutters, Roadhouse

(c)
Hip hop and Metal. All of it.

Nick Cave

(d) Scotch, dim sum, sushi, soul food
The six things I could never do without
Cuddles
My cats; Mr Buttercup and Andre the Giant
Patrick Swayze
Footy pajamas
The frenetic energy, the tranquil explosions, the sexual tension, the saxophone of Duke Silver.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
What's the opening band's name again? Where are the exits? Can I eat that? What's the percentage in this beer? Who's driving me home? Can I crash on your couch? Do these pants make my ass look big enough? Why isn't "Beer Gut" one of the body type options? I wonder if my shorts are dry?

Why doesn't OKCupid let you list references?
On a typical Friday night I am
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Maximum charisma, no reservations. Always prepared.

I have gout (The king's disease!), which means I can't walk for extended periods of time. Hiking, dancing, etc are off the table for me for the most part. I can still manage day to day stuff without a problem, but overexertion makes me cry.

(Since I have.... sadly... had this question asked so many times; no, gout is not an STD. I won't be passing it along to anyone I bone down with, unless you want me to make you gorge yourself on shellfish and red wine ad-naseum while we get it on)
You should message me if
You want to spoon.

You can teach me something about mathematics or statistics.

You're very funny.

You are my dream woman; Pam from Archer. Or my dream man, Ron Swanson (fucking hubba hubba, amirite?).

You also have your passport, and are willing to use it.

You're a nerd and you like nerd shit. Seriously, I play video games and board games and dungeons and dragons and I make star trek jokes. Don't dream it, be it.

You want to show me something, take me somewhere, or have me do something adventurous.

Your ideal day involves sitting in bed while its light out, cuddling and eating good food and then going out once the sun sets for libations and general ridiculousness.

Seriously, fuck gender roles. You should message me, I'm a catch.
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