Warning: This profile acknowledges the existence of sex.
I need good conversation to get turned on. Bring me your wittiest banterings, your worst dad jokes, your darkest secrets (not "haha I went skinny dipping this one time" - tell me your shame, tell me your guilt, tell me you fear death or tell me you long for it), bare your soul to me, correct my ignorance, speak your mind, share your passion with me, tell me what you want. Please can we skip "how are you today" unless today was exceptionally beautiful or peaceful or productive or frightening or frustrating or exhausting. Or so exceptionally banal as to be worth noting in its banality. Makeup words that don't exist. Go mad with parentheticals and run-on sentences. Experiment with punctuation.
And then dear god can we make each other cum? Can I finger you in the shower? Will you touch me under the table in the dimly lit bar?
I have friends. I have plenty of friends. If you want to make a good friend who likes board games and dinner parties, look for me on my other profile. I'm quite a pleasant fellow. And I'm good at platonic relationships. But here? Here I'm being honest about what I need.
I need sex. I need good sex. I need sex with someone who actually excites me, who makes my heart race, who seems out of reach but isn't out of reach. Someone who can carry a conversation for more than an hour. Someone who is strong and brave and intelligent. Someone who makes the world a better place - do you fill space in a beautiful way? Maybe you are a dancer or a singer or a writer or a painter or a sculptor. Get at me. Do you help others? Maybe you are an activist or a teacher or a nurse or a social worker or nurturer or a poet. Get at me.
Clever women who leave me dumbfounded.
Loud women who protest in the streets.
Tall, strong women who could kick my ass.
Short, strong women who could kick my ass*.
Compassionate women who are always running late because they stop to buy sandwiches for those who are less fortunate.
(You don't actually have to be able to kick my ass. I'm gentle and soft. You can be too. You don't have to make the first move either. I am perfectly capable of making the first move. I'm just insecure about my own physical attractiveness, so when a woman makes the first move it makes me feel really attractive and desired and special).
Underprivileged people having their healthcare and their rights taken away.
Is anyone truly sapiosexual?
Cumming inside you. Wait for it, this one still gets to take a dark turn: I have genital herpes. So we'll always be wearing a condominium*. So I'll never be able to cum inside you. Yeah, I take your sexual health seriously.
*it was supposed to be "condom" and it autocorrected to "condominium" and I could have fixed it. But it made me laugh. So I left it there so maybe you could laugh.
You find honesty and vulnerability sexy.
You want to skip the small talk. Let's get straight to big talk: is there a god? Is our democracy worth saving?
You want to give me a handjob. I've been really lonely and stressed out and I'm struggling to make good art. Make me feel handsome and strong. Make me cum. I need a little kindness.
You need a kindness from me. Ask it. You don't need to give anything in return.
All you wonderful kinky people: I'm a freak. I love so many things. You can call me daddy while I choke you. Or I'll call you mommy and sit at your feet and beg you to let me lap at your cunt. I'll tie you up with neckties. I'll hit you with my belt. I'll tell you the most disturbing thoughts I've ever had. I want to hear yours. I'm a wonderful sexual actor, I can play nearly any role. Comedy, drama, degradation, violence, romance, slow build, justifiable denouement. We can involve other people as audience members, co-performers, writers, directors, lighting designers. We can go crazy with costumes and props and sets. We can hold auditions and then rehearse for months. Whatever you want. Let's get creative.
Vanilla people: I'm happy to just fuck. I'm happy to be gentle. I'm happy to kiss passionately and touch each other for hours. I don't have to get weird. I just love making other people feel amazing. And I want someone else to lust after me intensely, in whatever way is natural for them.
Ethically non-monogamous people: I'm totally into it. But I'm really looking for something ongoing. I'm not looking to be someone's toy of the week. I am in the market for a primary partner.
Monogamous/monogamish people: I enjoy non-monogamy but I am also down with monogamy, with the right person. And I'm currently not involved with or attached to anyone. Give me a compelling reason to be with just you and no one else, and you can have me all to yourself.
Is that contradictory? I don't know. I want passion and honesty above all else. I want someone to be really, really into me. I want to be really, really into that someone.