33West Seattle, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
**Starting January I'm moving to West Seattle. Not changing my name since Ballard will always be in my heart or some junk. Also, I like to re-write all of this when I'm bored since I never feel the words describe me well correctly**

I was born in California, raised in Bellingham, schooled in Pullman, whored myself out in Japan doing ESL and am now living the dream in Seattle.

I dance like a hobbled Fred Astair
Sing like a city falling
Cook like a dream
Party like a lemur
Love like a thing...that...loves...good? No. Well. The word is Well.
Describe like a simile
Live Well

Also pretty fond of puppies and cocktails.
What I’m doing with my life
Using proper grammar.
Acquiring new skills to pay ever increasing bills.
Doing techy stuff at a tech company where I tech. Not bad at it either.

Career, friends, sometimes travel. Occasional self discovery/improvement. Some times getting overly worked up about nonsensical things like how David the Gnome was the best show of my childhood, proper cutting technique when dicing vegetables, how terrible the Transformers movies were and why I can't find a decent soy latte that doesn't taste like liquid diabetes.
I’m really good at
Parallel Parking.
Saying things. Even some of them are funny.
Using the term "Whoopee" in a non-ironic fashion.
Rolling 20's.
Christopher Walken impressions. No, really, it's not bad. Stop hating before you have even heard it.
The first things people usually notice about me
I have a very deep voice. It's awesome.
I've been told I sound like Brendan Fraser when I talk. This is not intentional, but is hilarious. Though this might belong under the "Embarrassing Thing" section.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: I don't really have favorite authors beyond some of the basics like Vonnegut and Lovecraft, I'll read anything honestly. I found my old graphic novels so re-reading Old Boy and working through Snow Crash and some other loaners.
I'm big on Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Horror and whatever is recommended to me.

My favorite films are probably the Lone Wolf and Cub series, followed closely by the Revenge Series, then it becomes a blur of Godzilla, Fight Club, Dark City, Guillermo Del Toro, Tarrantino and pretty much anything involving the Goddamn Batman.
Also I'm really a big fan of offbeat documentaries, kids movies and classic dialogue heavy dramas. Truthfully, I have a hard time watching most blockbusters now and I think The Transformers movies are about the worst thing I've ever seen and that makes me a little sad for some reason.

Television and I have a strange relationship. I think it's mostly a wasteland of vapid, empty drivel and it keeps punching me in the face with Archer, most things on Adult Swim and How It's Made. Also spent a lot of time watching Law and Order but that's likely because my folks are lawyers and they got me in to it. I haven't had cable for years but my Netflix account gets a workout.

Music is such a weird topic for me. I rarely listened to it growing up and sometimes go a couple years before I really expand my library. I go mostly for electronic, a-typical rock, nerd-core and things like nerd-core and stuff that gives me a massive case of "the feels". Justice, Electric Six, Jonathon Coulton, Childish Gambino and Tom Waits are good examples.

And I'll eat anything on this earth. I'm moving towards a much more vegetarian diet these days but that's not going to stop me from eating whatever random things I come across. I just can't stand fast food or eating the same meal constantly.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How I'm going to try and take over the world tonight
God-DAMN steak is good!
What is the Lich doing this week on Adventure Time?
What kind of dog do I want to get and how awesome will it be when I get one.
Cthulhu. Don't ask why.
Or do.
It's a quick way to get me to talk.
On a typical Friday night I am
doing the electric slide to music by Turquoise Jeep.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I won a game tournament in New York when I was 13, my folks suggested I enter. Got a bag of DKNY cologne and to meet the Andrettis.

This is the only trophy I've ever won.
You should message me if
You think you are a Bad Enough Chick to help me rescue the President from Ninjas in a foreign land on a regular basis.

You are ready for a Badass gentlemen to use proper grammar on you until your clothes fall off!

You identify as nerdy in some regard. It seems every nerd I've ever met is intensely passionate/knowledgeable about at least 1 thing and that is far and away better than apathy. I have my passions, you have yours, and we both have things to talk about.

You agree that good-natured banter back and forth is damn sexy. If you can figure out a way to make the topic of "Monsanto cucumbers cause genital baldness" in to 30 minutes of off-color jokes, we'd get along just fine.

You have a very loose definition of what it means to be "an adult" or "grown up". Odds are I'm going to build a blanket fort at some point then crunch data for the office in it, so be cool with that.
The two of us