30 Austin, United States
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My self-summary
Always joking, sometimes funny. Bearded. Bespectacled. Left of center.

I'm the kind of guy who tells an art snob my favorite painter is Thomas Kinkade just to revel in that awkward moment of silence that follows. He's the painter of light, y'know?***

***Disclaimer: Of course Kinkade isn't my favorite painter. That honor goes to Edward Hopper.
What I’m doing with my life
Sitting back waiting for my Pog-based mutual fund to mature so I can retire young and light things on fire with $100 bills.

In the meantime, I enjoy impromptu road trips. Traveling. Couchsurfing. Camping. I enjoy stand up comedy. I'm trying to grow a big enough pair to get up on stage again.

I have a grown-up job in property management. It's boring to talk about, but I like the people I work with and generally find my job satisfying enough.
I’m really good at
Knowing mountains of useless facts.
Finding free parking Downtown.
Impulsive road trips.
The first things people usually notice about me
If I'm driving, it's probably that my music is too loud. Who drives around listening to Ying Yang Twins turned to 11?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books. I have books. Like John Waters said, "if you go home with somebody, something something, if he has books, fuck 'em." I think I'm quoting that right...

Podcasts. Savage Love. Dan Carlin's Common Sense, Hardore History, This American Life, Planet Money, Radiolab.

Music. I'm passionate about Southern hip hop. UGK, Big KRIT, and Outkast are my favorite artists of all time. I also love Three 6 Mafia, Z-Ro, DJ Screw, Project Pat.

Having said that, I enjoy just about something from any genre. Except Dubstep. I don't get it. It sounds like a robot gangbang, and not in the sexy way.

Food...If it tastes good, it's going in my mouth. Except mushrooms. Or olives. I wish I could enjoy them. But I can't. Because they suck.
The six things I could never do without
I could totally do without this garbage question.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Politics. Simulation theory. Where should I roadtrip next? Putting all my belongings in a storage unit and traveling the world for a year or two.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Master P's seminal classic "Make 'em Say Ugh!" is one of my all time favorite songs.
You should message me if
- You want to hang out somewhere people watching and quietly being judgy assholes amongst ourselves.

- If you have a sick sense of humor, I'll buy you all the drinks.

- You want to conversate about things.
- The word "conversate" makes your skin crawl.
- You want to drive around listening to rap at a high volume.
- You want to twerk on me. Twerkers welcome.
- You read Achewood.
- You want to nerd out over hip hop, comedy, or politics.