38Norwich, United Kingdom
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My self-summary
Former professional wrestler, part-time sea-monkey trainer, full-time buccaneer, occasional
wide-eyed wonderist, weekend dinosaur wrangler, popping candy connoisseur.

At the grand old age of 35, the sun is slowly setting on my swashbuckling days of piratey plundering.

However, there is still plenty of treasure that remains buried and unclaimed! Time enough for another adventure I think, with a Fizz Wiz loving, cutlass-wielding lass.
What I’m doing with my life
Watering down the grog, searching for the X on a map. Blowing Hubba Bubba bubbles. Missing my spandex.

Lately I have been snarling at cats. I don't trust anything that hates water.

Watching programmes with Lucy Worsley in. I seem to have developed a weird crush on her, but she totally needs to get back her hair clip.
I’m really good at
Communicating with parrots and firing cannons. Not being a landlubber. Spending far too much time on the poop deck. Performing a Figure-Four Leglock.

Making shit up.

Being terrified of Frank Sidebottom - It's a childhood fear that never moved out. I think it explains why I was crap at making papier-mâché at school.
The first things people usually notice about me
He is tall. He looks like he needs a wee. Why don't his socks match? I wonder what he looks like in Spandex?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
To speed up sea voyages I listen to: Imperative Reaction, Midnight Juggernauts, SebastiAn, Celldweller, Unter Null, Boards of Canada, random beepy electronica, electro-house, EBM, futurepop, aggrotech, post-rock, synth-rock, ambient and darkwave.

I read far too many comic books and eat more than the recommended daily allowance of Oreos.

The best comics are written by Grant Morrison, Scott Snyder, Brian K. Vaughan, Warren Ellis, and Mark Waid. Alan Moore was great, until he became obsessed with willies. The best Oreos are covered in milk chocolate.

Horror films rock my world, the French seem to do it best. Martyrs is brilliant, Frontière(s) is brilliantly silly. I am also fond of dark and disturbing films that are not necessarily classed as horror: Kill List, Requiem for a Dream, Irréversible, I Saw the Devil, Eraserhead, Footloose...that kind of thing

On the other hand, I am very fond of Legend (Tangerine Dream version), mainly because Tom Cruise cuddles a fox.

I won't watch anything with Ryan Reynolds in. Mostly because it will be rubbish, but also because his eyes are too close together. He also looks like an amalgamation of Anthony McPartlin and Declan Donnelly, poor sod.

Still have a great deal of fondness for Buffy and the Scooby Gang, Fringe, Seinfeld, The Ren & Stimpy Show, and The Mighty Boosh. Oh, and the Battlestar Galactica remake was fracking awesome.

I watch a lot of anime, although less so since filing for divorce from Lovefilm. The higher the density of giant robots, the more likely I am to enjoy it. Actually, I can probably apply this equation to all aspects of my life.
Six things I could never do without
Adventure Time
Grant Morrison
Cheap and nasty coffee
Giant robots (of Japanese origin)
Rolling my eyes at people
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Which underpants to wear (in case of trouser splittage, probably)

Whether or not the Cookie Monster and the Honey Monster are related.

The Tyrannosaurus rex riding a BMX.

Throwing the next person that writes 'procrastinating' into the Great Pit of Carkoon.
On a typical Friday night I am
Wandering about in a daze at work or finding out how many different foods are compatible with ice cream.

Possibly building a time machine out of Lego.

Definitely preparing to wrangle dinosaurs.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I prefer strawberry Hubba Bubba.

An unfortunate set of circumstances has led to me moving back to my parents' house. Do you have a spare room, and would you like a lodger? I am toilet trained and I don't snore.

I have no idea how Twitter works and couldn't give a flying fuck.

Did I mention how much Frank Sidebottom terrifies me?

Also: After being bested by a giant squid that ate my crew and destroyed my ship, I went to work in't go!
You should message me if
1. Your timbers are shivering.
2. You have discovered a nondescript, dusty bottle of alcohol that needs to be shared.
3. You cheer when people fail miserably on crap game shows. (All game shows are crap, except for Takeshi's Castle.)
4. You are not related to Frank Sidebottom.
5. You require a lodger for your spare room.
The two of us