36Fredericksburg, United States
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My self-summary
IMPORTAINT NOTE: My profile isn't short. My journal posts are both informative and misleading. In fact this whole profile is full of interesting misinformation and random thoughts. some of it I have changed my mind about, some not. But its all a history of who I was and a picture of the person I might become. This isn't a resume. This isn't a brief introduction. This is a compilation of thoughts, feelings, ideas and dreams. This is a glimpse of who I am. Its long because I am not a simple man. If your looking for simple I am likely not for you.

I have come to believe in a perfect circle in life consisting of Truth, Love, and Magic. These are the three basic fundamentals of existance and so far I have found nothing else that really exists. Its a philosophy that I have embraced and am exploring. Be warned if you ask me about it; I can go off on a rant, so be prepared to stop my overflowing verbage.

I would love to find someone who can both challenge me and keep me interested. So many people, men and women both, seem interesting at first but then turn into nothing more than clichés of themselves with original thought taking a hike. So please, if your going to talk to me, be honest, be open and be yourself. I don't judge, I don't bite (much) and I am willing to get to know anyone of any background. Who knows, I might even be able to help you. Its part of what I do. If you make it a goal to enrich the lives of everyone that interacts with you, then you find the world is a richer place to live in, and that's never a bad thing.

A few things I know about myself:

I know I love reading, I generally stick to fantasy stories, though sci-fi and alt-history are interesting as well. I have recently started working on my own stories again. Apparently I can't get enough from reading and must tell my own tales. Time will tell if anyone else enjoys them.
My main geeky passion is DnD and maybe that's silly to some but its a game that has been there for me for a long time. It centers me and has given me immense enjoyment over the years. When I have money to burn (not as often as i like) I indulge in my miniature game of choice Warmachine / Hordes. I have a hillariously painted army. Its purple and pink glitter dragons. Laughable because of course they are the "evil" army. I am currently in a handful of different tabletop games which are interesting and enjoyable. And I am getting back into magic a bit and its a blast. I have LARPed in the past, and World of darkness is still a great mythos and setting and I would have no objections to getting back into it again. I tend to like all tabletop RPGs.
I do play video games, league of legends, rpgs, just about anything though i have never bothered with GTA or racing games or any of the psudo wanna be ganster games. Sports games can also take a hike. A few favorites from the past would be the entire Disgaea series, all the final fantasy games (i have missed a few), Devil May Cry, the older castlevania games (original NES FTW) and pretty much all the megaman games... even the terrible ones.
I love the movies. The entire experiance is enjoyable for me. Getting to see a movie on a larger than life screen, sitting in the darkened theater with so many other people enjoying the same thing. Its just a good time and I wish I could do it more. Even if I see a movie online or get a bootleg copy I will still want to go see movies in the large theater just for the experience.
I debate for hours and hours on end about politics, religion, sex, culture, philosophy, just about anything. There is a lost art to conversation and debate, the ability to disagree without being enraged about it. Don't take it personally if I don't agree with your views. Its the views I am disagreeable with, not the person. I would love to be challenged and I love being proven wrong. It just doesn't happen enough. Maybe that's because I am mostly right, or maybe that's because not enough people are willing to out think me and prove it to me.

I love the night. The moon, the cool wind, the stars, the smell of the night. I feel at home at night. Especially stormy nights. There is little better than sitting in the dark with the rain pouring down and the wind howling through the sky with lightning breaking through the night and thunder rolling through the air. I could sit for hours watching storms. I also love the frozen silence of a new snowfall. The dark sky with pale light reflecting on new fallen snow is mesmerizing. There are few things as peaceful as watching the snow fall.

Conversely I am also a morning person. I love the early dawn when the world is waking up and the day is fresh and new. When its still cool from the night and it hasn't gotten blazing hot. I am pretty chipper when I wake up in the morning, for about an hour. Then I want to crawl back in bed and take a nap. Strange but true.

Meeting new people is a pleasure for me, and I try and make myself worth meeting. If you want to talk you can find me on Belthazar1113 on aim or gmail, or you can always find me here. I love getting email. don't be shy! At the very least we can have an interesting conversation, at the most? who knows.
What I’m doing with my life
trying to find the energy and inspiration to finish the story that is always running loose in my head.

Wishing I ruled the world again so I could fix the mess we have gotten ourselves into.

Being increasingly nervous at my penchant for talking to myself, and worried that i am starting to answer.

I have been going to the gym almost every night for a few months and have no plans to stop. (brief hiatus while they redo the pools at the gym)

Trying to meet the love of my life and sweep her off her feet. Though if she was the love of my life she wouldn't be swept off her feet, she would laugh at me and sweep me off mine. (no easy task)
I’m really good at
The long lost art of the conversation. I know that sounds strange to most people, everyone talks right? But there is a lost art to speaking to others that has nothing to do with being able to blather words and talk over top of the house music. Its about being able to respectfully disagree with someone and not have it be personal. Its an ability to express ones thoughts in a way that even other people standing by stop and take notice of because its rare to hear such things put in words. Its a way of communicating that doesn't involve "like, ya know, kinda, sorta" and all the other vague and indirect vernacular we use on a day to day basis. Its an open and honest dialog where you actively listen as well as speak. These are things that most people have forgotten how to do. I pride myself in being a conversational student. I am getting better at it.

I care about people. I am one of the few that really does care about the people I interact with. It gets me hurt a lot of the time, and I have had my heart broken pretty bad by cold hearted people that take advantage of that. But I still care because I think that eventually I will meet someone that cares about me. That is what I tell myself anyway. I like to think that people are better off for having interacted with me. Whether it be spiritually, emotionally, or physically better off that's immaterial. If nothing else I do strive to entertain. If I can make one life better by living my own then my life was worth living. If i can make one place more enjoyable then it was worth my going. If one person hears my words and if they are uplifted or inspired then they were worth saying. I care about how I affect others. And that is not something a lot of people seem to do.

I style myself as being adept with the written word, but my spelling and grammar make a lie to that. I have been spoiled by years of spell check and friendly editors and thus though i truly enjoy putting words to page I sometimes still make silly typos and mistakes. Though with a little polish I do think my words might have merit. At the very least they are enjoyable for me to put to page.

I am good at being honest. Its something I have had to struggle with in the past but have made an effort these last few years to get better at. I have learned to be honest with myself and honest with others. When you believe that truth is one of the fundamental cornerstones of existence honesty becomes very important.
The first things people usually notice about me
Maybe its the hair, maybe its the body, maybe its the eyes. I think people judge to much on looks and not nearly enough on merit. But that is the world we live in unfortunately. Which is why I like meeting people online first. You get a much better chance to be who you are without being judged on what you look like. For better or worse I have been told... many, many times... that I look like that guy on LOST. I don't want to watch the show, i don't have cable, but i have seen pictures and yes.. I suppose I might bear some passing similarity to him. But I would like to think people would notice more than what i look like...

People tell me I sound serious all the time. But that's because I enjoy talking about things that others find serious. I have a sense of humor that is described politely as "quirky" mostly people just tell me I am weird. But they still laugh, which I still have trouble understanding. So if you are looking for someone that can talk about life and the nature of reality as it applies to a grasshopper in China, then I am certainly qualified. But if you are looking for rote dogmatic recitation on politics, religion or other matters you may find me opinionated in the least or offensive at worst. But the only way to find out is to strike up a conversation and see.
I have been told I am arrogant and too free with my advice. The trouble is, I am told, that I am often right. And that is a problem because people don't want to be TOLD how they should fix their problems, they want you to lead them around by the nose until they figure it out themselves. I don't have the patience for that, hence the arrogance.... but I am trying to learn to be patient. I am getting better.
People also might notice that I make a decision about someone very very fast. usually within moments of knowing them. I have a strange ability to see how far the potential of a relationship with a person can go within mere moments. I know if we could be friends, best friends, lovers, acquaintances, married, enemies, rivals, or activity buddies. Its a strange and disturbing habit because i often forget that other people can't see things that fast and are intimidated by my presumption. I cant tell you how far things will go... but I almost always know how far they COULD go. And that is strange to people who don't think in those terms. So if i am talking to you like we have been friends for years, that is because we could be friends for years and i just jumped the time frame and got right to it. I wish I could meet someone that could keep up with me about that. I honestly think everyone could do this if they wanted, but people don't trust their own judgments and are not willing to reform them with new information, so they hold back. I tend to just be who I am and hold nothing back. "Anything less than mad passionate love is a waste of your time" ten points to anyone who names that quote.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
What I really enjoy changes to often that it would be a full time job just trying to keep it all up to date, but in no particular order what comes to mind...

(A) All of the wheel of time books, all of the southern fried vampire novels (tru blood was nominally based on them), the dnd books, hitchhikers guide series, anything by garth nix or Jim butcher, and just about anything else you can imagine. I will read just about anything. I read for pleasure. I read like its going to be illegal tomorrow. I read like I am getting paid to do it. And I have no plans to stop. Book recommendations are welcome, cherished, and more often than not, followed.

(b) the crow, the crow city of angels, matrix (all three, yes I liked the endings), labyrinth, boondock saints, equilibrium, the incredibles, shrek, final fantasy the spirits beyond, Princess bride, Rounders, The Chronicles of Riddick Anything with super heroes, anything with swords and sorcery will get at least a once over... and plenty more besides. I have a penchant for modern musicals. The producers, and sweeny todd have a place of honor right on top of my dvd player because i watch them often enough to melt the dvds. I dearly love film and enjoy the stories they capture. Yes I liked the Twilight movie, no i dont care if you think sparkly vampires are silly, i thought it was a unique look at things and that alone deserves praise.

(c) whatever music I can be talked into. Discovered modern celtic recently and am loving it. anything that makes me crank the volume and belt out lyrics off key with great gusto (obviously in my car) is also high on my list. The radio is a great friend and a constant companion in the car. I am open to musical suggestions and if you see me feel free to bring something and throw it in for the drive, I will gladly listen. And it might just keep me from putting in my hours and hours of comedy routines i pirated from the internet, or the vocal renditions of old 8-bit video game music i keep stashed in my cd case.

(d) Diet deleted until i figure out whats going on post surgery. The list might be the same in a year, but the portions will be much smaller.
Six things I could never do without
I could do without a lot of things. I know the trite answers are food, water, air, life, etc... but those answers never tell you anything about a person. so lets pretend they specified "beyond the necessities for life"

The one thing that comes to mind that I could never do without is Hope. Things have gotten bad quick at times in my life, but everyday I am able to find a reason to keep going on inspite of them. I think of this as Hope. Hope there is something better ahead, that maybe the next person I meet will be the last one I am looking for, or that the new day will bring something I can remember with a smile later. Hope is really the only thing I couldn't live without. Filling this out makes me think that maybe you will read this discover that I should be in your life. It gives me Hope.

I don't think that I could live without other people. I have thought about what life would be like alone, living in a cabin in the woods somewhere, but I have found that one of my greatest pleasures in life comes from the interaction I have with others. I don't get to talk to as many people as I would want but I really enjoy the conversations that I do have. Whenever two people talk its a gift that the world has conspired to create. Its a pleasure that can't be described or duplicated. Its something so small most people don't even notice it, but its part of what makes life worth living.

Faith. Yes i said it. No i am not talking about religion. I am talking about belief itself. We all have a destiny in this life, but we must have faith that we can live up to it, change it, or embrace it as we see fit. I don't believe in fate. I believe that we are the product of every decision that we have ever made and that those decisions constitute a momentum of change and causality that pushes us towards a destiny. What i can not do without is the faith that if we change, and if we decide differently, that we can change this destiny. We have to have the faith in ourselves, in those around us, in the world, and even in divinity (if you so choose) to believe that our changes, our choices matter. I don't know God. I have never spoken to her, and I dont know if she has ever spoken to me. But i do know destiny. I have seen it written across the lives of a thousand people a day. in their eyes, in their words, in the way the move and think. And i know that faith in destiny might be the same as faith in god. the divine plan. But I can't be locked into a specific theology... not yet. however... debate is welcome.

Truth. Not some great singular metaphysical rightness, but truth as we see it. I believe in truth. Not as in I believe it exists, but more that I believe the only hope we as a civilization, species, culture, and individuals have is through the truth. I don't want to speak anything but truth and I look for it in all things i do. Its taken me a while to come to this idea, And truth has cost me more than I care to admit, but the lies were costing me more. I love a good story, and I am great at telling them. But that's all they are. stories. I can tell the difference, and i hope that you can as well.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
love, politics, religion How I despise the fact that most guys in the world are looking to get laid at any cost and they screw it up for those few of us that value women as more than sex toys. I think about how so many women seem to be little more than self involved girls begging for attention and then spurning anyone that finally grants them affection. Its a wonder sometimes how people can stand each other.

I have spent a lot of time on this site wondering at how many emails women really do get. How many guys are sending them emails that go straight into the dumpster. I was annoyed for a long time that my emails would go unanswered, but then I started to think about the quality of emails that most guys would send, especially after seeing some of them posted up by other users. And to be honest I lament for the women that have to slog through such tripe everyday... But please know I am not one of those guys, I am not stupid, or looking to say anything to get laid, and I have no intention of wasting time with someone that I don't find interesting. If you made it this far in the profile your probably someone i would love talking to, so message me.

Unfortunately, people tend to be shallow creatures. They judge on looks, or a car, or money, or a job and never take a moment to know the person behind the status. It makes me sad to see the casual cruelty that we inflict upon each other day after day. I wish I could find a way to change this from more than just my perspective. So I will lead by example and I will not judge anyone for their past, or present, but will know them and find all they have to offer. I really do think that if you could dig past all the layers of farce and pretense that everyone has something inside them to offer the world and make it better.

The games that people play with each other have gotten very boring to me. The high school drama that so many people seem to bring into their lives has become tiresome and frustrating. If you desire drama and chaos then friends is all we will ever be, because I have dispensed with all the games of hurt and pain that people seem to find so appealing. There is a casual disregard for the consequences of our actions that I can no longer stand. I will not wish I was a better person, I will be a better person; I expect the same in those around me. Its cost me a lot to come to this conclusion, but in the end I have to hope that my life, and the lives of those around me, will be better off for this understanding. For the moment its cost me all the people around me, but I will not mourn people who are so willing to sever ties over petty drama and casual cruelty.
On a typical Friday night I am
Fridays are usually my days to go hang out at the local game shop, play some Friday night Magic, be social with all my fellow geeks and go get a great lunch. Its a geektastically good time.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have the ability to know exactly how far I could potentially go with a person. Whether its being passing friends, best friends, lovers, romantic relationship or if i could spend the rest of my life with them. I can generally tell within five minutes of meeting someone. I have never been proven wrong. The three times I tried to prove myself wrong, and push for more than I thought was possible, it blew up in a disaster that cost me not only a friend, but all my other friends as well. I tried to be better friends with a person than I thought I would be able to, and that cause enough drama and friction that my world exploded.

I also sleep with a sword next to my bed in case of home invaders or zombie outbreak... or in case i can't reach the alarm clock.

I have my own ten commandments that I have been working on living up to... in some particular order...

1) live the truth. destroy the lies. accept nothing less.

2) Act without fear. don't hold back. be who you are with no apology.

3) change. don't accept the way things are if you want them to be different.

4) have faith in yourself. know that your ability to overcome any obstacle is as unlimited as your own will.

5) believe in love. it exists and it will find you. be ready to accept it and change with it.

6) help others. not only to see the truth but to find their own strength. they are able to deal with their own problems, all you need to do is help them help themselves.

7) never give up. no matter what all things are possible for those who strive.

8) always improve. never settle for what you are or where you are. there is always some way to make things better.

9) enjoy your life. don't let the drive to be better stop you from taking pleasure in the now.

10) dream. think the impossible thoughts. without dreams our reality is meaningless.
You should message me if
if you read this far you already dedicated the time to getting to know me (or just skipped to the end) so you might as well say hello. I would love to meet you.
I am done with casual dating and Friends in bed and all the rest of the highschool college drama. I know what i am looking for, but its going to be tough to find.

--I want someone who I can talk to and not get tired of being with.
--I want someone who is into the same geeky things that I am so we have things to talk about.
--I want someone who has the same kind of sexual drive as I do and who can be naughty without feeling embarassed.
--I want someone who can drive.
--I want someone who isn't hung up on their ex, or on someone else.
--I want someone who has goals for their life.
--I want someone who is looking to find a partner for the long term, not just someone to be with for a bit.
--I want someone who is interested in meeting, I am not looking for a penpal.
—I am much more likely to respond to your message if you have a profile picture.
—I’m serious about meeting people in real life, so please have the same expectations.

If your honest, and up front, and not interested in the games; say hello because I enjoy meeting people. And if you managed to slog thru this profile your probably someone that would be interesting to talk with.
The two of us