And by you, I mean the owner of your impressive OKCupid Profile. If you have more than one person in your primary pic- which one are you? The handsome, smiling guy on the left? The cocksure, slightly drunk guy in the middle? The woman on the right who knows, in her eyes, she's a beard?
I love you all but am only interested in the profile person. I myself am an asshole. Just look at my hair in my profile pic.
Now that 90% of you have self-selected out based on my profile asshole-ness...
I AM also:
- Very close to, but not quite, handsome, and I'm VERY ruddy. My skin is aging very quickly.
- Inherently nice, though I realize my pictures depict someone who is less than nice. I am not now nor have I ever been photogenic. I ruin photos regularly.
- Low drama, high humor.
A great sense of humor is the most important trait in a match for me. I'm attracted to a lot of different types of guys- just be fit, friendly and sane.
I love grilled cheese sandwiches and french fries.
I like playing tennis, swimming, and snowboarding too. I'm not very good at smiling through the pain.
And I'm excellent at sex. Really. No, really.
I also smell good. Without cologne. Just nice me smell.
Favorite movie: Aliens, The Crying Game, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Brokeback Mountain, Rear Window. Silence of the Lambs. Heavenly Creatures. The Babadook. My Beautiful Launderette changed my life when I rented it in high school. And I'll date anyone who loves Waiting for Guffman. Likewise This is Spinal Tap.
TV: Arrested Development, Modern Family, Curb your Enthusiasm, 30 Rock, Homeland, Game of Thrones, and the first 5 episodes of any Ryan Murphy show before everything goes to shit. If we were together I'd nicely ask you to at least stay in the room with me while I hate-watched The Bachelorette to see the guys.
Food: Mexican. I love it. Pizza. I love all food.
- My dog (who lives with my brother... so don't worry dog allergists. At least not for now)
- My MacBook
- My Kindle (you'll thank me when I don't have a reading light on at 4:00 in the morning)
- Diet Coke
- Other dudes
Why compatibility percentages with Jersey guys seems to always be low, when they usually look handsome to me.
I really like the idea of having Chinese food delivered, watching a movie, and rolling around in bed until it gets really late.