40Dover Heights, Australia
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My self-summary
(USER TIP: This profile works better if you read it in autotune.)

You're lonely, sitting at home, looking at smut with your hand in your panties, thinking "I wish porn talked to me sometimes." I can help.

I'm not the kind of guy who hassles random ladies for fun online; I'm making this profile to let you know it's okay to hassle me.

Lady, let's get to the point. You're a woman, you like a bit of firm manhood, and you're just not getting your fix. That's where I come in. Maybe you just want a little dirty chat. Maybe you want to show someone yours, or perhaps have a look at theirs. Maybe you've got a void that's aching to be filled.

I'll be honest here, I'm a horny guy, I don't get out much, and I want to talk about our privates. I'm a genitalia fan, and I've already got half the collection.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm searching the internet for a trace of female kindness. If you're reading this, you're not thinking "what does he do on a swivel chair in front of a PC all day?", you're wondering "how big is he?"

So ask me.
I’m really good at
Being interested in what you're doing right now on that side of the keyboard and if our manual activities regarding our crotches could briefly coincide. That is to say: Romance.
The first things people usually notice about me
It's got to be the looks. Maybe I'm not handsome, maybe I'm not muscled, but lady, I look like a sexual apocalypse and it's just possible that you are needing some devastation.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I'll read whatever you write to me, watch whatever you do in front of a camera, show you anything, listen to whatever you say, and eat that pot of honey 'til I've got the sexual diabetes. It doesn't matter how you style your work triangle. Although the fully-furred muff, the wild bush, the beaver pelt, I must admit, is a rare and beautiful thing in this time of labial deforestation.
Six things I could never do without
The web.
Your needs.
Your desires.
Jumbo-size prophylactics.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How to convince you I'm safe to remove your underwear around. And baby, I'm so safe. Dangerously safe. I'm discreet. I don't kiss and tell. You get what you ask for and I don't ask for anything you don't want to give. I'll perform without reciprocation. I'll pleasure you any way you like, as many times as you like.
On a typical Friday night I am
Online, waiting to read your messages about how difficult it is to find a guy who just wants to get naked meaningfully with you.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm putting this out for the curious American ladies: I'm packing the complete deal. Uncut. Not circumcised. Ready to show you how it works if you have the inclination to look.

I do actually have another profile here.
You should message me if
You're looking for something vaguely sexual with no real strings attached with somebody who can correctly name your private parts to their smallest detail.

You want to look, or want to be looked at. Either, both, up to you.
The two of us