30St. Louis, United States
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My self-summary
Fair warning: I'm a jerk.* If you make it past this point, you've already impressed me and you should probably say something to the tune of, "Hi." Some people are surprised by my claims to jerkdom, but really, when you're dealing with the great grandson of the guy who taught Dillinger how to rob banks, what else would you expect?

Personally, I think I'm pretty awesome.

My name's Stu. Or Stuart. Take your pick. I suck at summaries. Mine are either too long or too short. I'll err on the side of too short here and let the rest of my profile speak for me.

*Made you look. There's no meaningful footnote for this. Proof of jerkdom. But really, one of my bosses hoped to make shirts proclaiming "Stu Condit: What a dick." He never did. I'm severely disappointed in him.
What I’m doing with my life
Bartending and/or barbacking and occasionally trying to come up with an awesome drink or two. Oh yeah, and graphic design. I do that sometimes. I guess "playing with my chihuahua/rat terrier mix" counts as something I'm doing with my life, too.
I’m really good at

Vector-based graphics when I have the time to spend on tweaking them to be JUST RIGHT.

Karaoke when I've had juuuuust enough to drink.

Because I got the flow where I grab my dick and say "OH MY GOD, THAT'S THE FUNKY SHIT." (Name the song without Google. I dare ya.)
The first things people usually notice about me
While I don't know what they notice first, they definitely mention the frames on my glasses first. That, or if I've shaved my head recently, I tend to get "How's the chemo goin', buddy?" from my coworkers.

I would've said my chipped right maxillary central incisor (thanks for the proper terminology, Wikipedia), but I got that crowned recently after 2 years of living with it. Now people who've known me during my time of occasional unintentional whistling while I talk comment on the fact that I've got a full set of teeth.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Current leaders of the respective packs:

As far as current reading goes, Richard Clarke's Against All Enemies.

But as far as favorites go: Cormac McCarthy's The Road, Pratchett's Discworld books, Pratchett and Gaiman's Good Omens, Style Deficit Disorder, anything by John Hodgman, (here's where I get into the really nerdy shit, as if the last few mentions weren't nerdy enough) Scott Pilgrim, Superman: Red Son, Superman: True Brit (note the Elseworlds theme), Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth, Umbrella Academy*, Lupton's Thinking With Type.

Goon, Sukiyaki Western Django (and pretty much any other variation on the Yojimbo/Django theme), anything Mel Brooks (particularly Blazing Saddles), Kentucky-Fried Movie, The Prestige (The Illusionist can chug a series of cocks as far as I'm concerned. That shit sucked.), The Big Lebowski, Stop Making Sense, The Usual Suspects and then some.TV subscript sidenote: Sons of Anarchy, Archer, Party Down, Firefly, Ugly Americans..

My musical tastes change on a daily basis, so I'm not gonna get into it outside of mentioning the latest 5 Pandora stations I've booted up: The Go! Team, Asylum Street Spankers, Lights, Buck 65, and The Suzan. And I've been listening to Neutral Bling Hotel's In My G4 Over Da Sea a lot lately.

As far as food goes, I'll try anything once (I thought escargot was no big deal at 4 years old, so yeah, anything). Feta-stuffed olives with black pepper-crusted sausage and French bread have been a post-work go-to lately. Also been on a major food truck kick as of late. Personal favorite thus far goes to Seoul Taco's bulgogi tacos.

*When I ran room service to Ray Toro after My Chemical Romance played the Pageant, I didn't even mention the band. All I could ask was "When the FUCK is Gerard gonna write more Umbrella Academy?" OK, so maybe I wasn't that forceful with my phrasing, but I was definitely more concerned with Gerard's comic-writing than his song-writing (even if I do consider MCR's latest album a raging guilty pleasure). And then we played Gran Turismo. True story.
Six things I could never do without
The six days a week I spend enjoying the hell outta myself. And on the seventh day, I rest*.

I could probably do without that seventh day.

*Monday. I sleep on Monday.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Things.

Really, my mind's all over the place at any given time. How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? [How many?] Wanna ride bikes?

Honest answer: Fuckin'.
On a typical Friday night I am
Barbacking or slingin' drinks at Pin-Up Bowl.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have 2 pairs of women's jeans* and if it weren't for the lack of pocket space, I would probably wear them on a regular basis.

*they were hand-me-downs from a coworker. I would never actually BUY Calvin Klein girly jeans. The Express pair, on the other hand...
You should message me if
-You think you can kick my ass at pinball or bowling (hint: you probably can).
-You're putting the F.U. back in fun.
-You know of a completely awesome concert at some venue I haven't been to that's coming up.
-The thought of coffee- and chili-rubbed pork tenderloin intrigues you.
-You don't give a shit about some fuckin' guy using hella rude cusses in front of ladies (but not kids. Gotta have SOME kinda decorum). But really, I've been told that I can be kind of offensive.
-You watch football and think "This is the most boring hockey game ever! Why do they keep stopping when someone gets knocked down?"
-You can't believe this rock show's totally bitchin'.
The two of us