31 Oakland, United States
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My self-summary
A nurse once described me as "a defensive beauty queen".
What I’m doing with my life
I have a food blog that tries to combine food writing with intersectional critique. I own more than one book about Amish cooking.

I sing and play the ukulele. I'm working on a 5-song demo about cuckqueaning and conspiracy theories. My mom tried. She really did.
I’m really good at
Being Mommy. Of course I will tuck you in.

Helping new writers find their voice, which maybe isn't very sexy (or at the least, not something I can make pithy comments about), but is one of the things I like most about myself.

Sabotaging an otherwise innocuous date with an excited rant about semiotics in pro wrestling or the evolution of the design canon of pinball.

Ruining your favorite song in my creepy clown falsetto.

Baking, scrambling eggs
The first things people usually notice about me
I have frequent trouble controlling the volume of my voice.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
If you will watch Hell Comes to Frogtown or Robot Jox with me I will go down on you all night long. You don't even have to let me stay the night.
The six things I could never do without
My ukulele. Cowboy boots. Leather/metal restraints. Sharpies. Glucophages. My vibrator.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Beating Mike Tyson's Punch Out.
The word "pseudomonarchia".
How/why Mayumi Ozaki's lipstick never smears.
Shirt dresses.
Hard apple ciders.
Card stock and paper weight.
Allison Hayes' face from the poster of Attack of the 40 Foot Woman.
Chastity Belts.
Lactation & breastfeeding other consenting adults.
The paintings of Yangyang Pan.
Lori Williams' navel in Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
Suicide prevention.
On a typical Friday night I am
Reinventing the caricature of myself.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Sometimes eye contact is really, really hard for me.
You should message me if
femme Mommy-domme types are your thing.

you have nice feet and your pee is a color denoting proper hydration.

you denounce the evils of truth and love.

you liked Mario Tennis.

you wanna kick the shit out of me.

you are a femme who likes other femmes.

you like being choked (or want to choke me).

you like being tickled (or want to tickle me).

you have a tough time deciding between tea and food.

you want to fight for the cherry on top.