30 Oakland, United States
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My self-summary
I recently put a poll on my twitter where my followers could decide what submission hold my next date would put me in.

Whichever of you seals the deal while this message is up gets to put a kata ha jime on a willing person.
What I’m doing with my life
I sing and play the ukulele. I started recording a cover every day in 2016 but I've moved on to originals less than a month in. Jesus took the wheel but he couldn't drive stick.

I'm launching a food blog that focuses on junk food and intersectional food history and critique. No pithy follow up here. I need to accept this about myself.

I have Modcloth's "Soda Fountain", "Coach Tour" and "Hepcat" dresses in every available color. I don't blend well in crowds.
I’m really good at
Being Mommy. Of course I will tuck you in.

Giving interviews. My writing style has been described as "overwhelmingly pleasant".

Baking pound cake, vegan chocolate cake and chocolate chip pretzel cookies. I also enjoy making pickles and slow cooker chili. I often entertain the fantasy of, after having done all the good I can, just disappearing to a cabin to bake and fashion ukuleles out of vegetable crates and become a wholesome homesteader just so I can be seduced by decadent city living again as a born-again MILF.

Scrambling eggs: you beat the eggs as they're cooking in the pan, not before. I can poach an egg really good, too.

Giving pedicures. Even the toppiest top that ever topped yearns for foot service sluttery sometimes.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm wearing boots and have frequent trouble controlling the volume of my voice.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
If you can tolerate at least the first half of Hell Comes To Frogtown I will go down on you all night long.
The six things I could never do without
My ukulele. Cowboy boots. Leather/metal restraints. Sharpies. Glucophages. My vibrator.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Beating Mike Tyson's Punch Out.
The word "pseudomonarchia".
How/why Mayumi Ozaki's lipstick never smears.
Shirt dresses.
Hard apple ciders.
Card stock and paper weight.
Allison Hayes' face from the poster of Attack of the 40 Foot Woman.
Chastity Belts.
Lactation & breastfeeding other consenting adults.
The paintings of Yangyang Pan.
Lori Williams' navel in Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
Suicide prevention.
My octopus tattoo.
The proper placement and quantity of buckles on certain footwear.
Books best read by fires vs books best read by the ocean.
On a typical Friday night I am
High as fuck and grooming my eyebrows.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I really hate brunch and the way people in the Bay Area treat it as some sacred fucking moral prerogative. Plenty of working class people are able to sleep in and day drink in public without erecting a fucking ethos around it.
You should message me if
femme Mommy-domme types are your thing.

you denounce the evils of truth and love.

you need someone to come over and use up all the food in your fridge to make you a nice ass meal. Pickles go with more than what you might think.

you liked Mario Tennis.

you want someone to paint your toes and rub your soles while you're on the phone with your other girlfriend.

you wanna kick the shit out of me.

you are a femme who likes other femmes.

you like being choked.

you like being tickled.

you have a tough time deciding between tea and food.

you want to fight for the cherry on top.