Cumper
46 Petaluma, United States
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Cumper
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My self-summary
When life gives you lemons, find some vodka because, well lemons make a great garnish! (What, that's NOT how it goes? )
*INSERT WITTY COMMENT HERE*
Blah blah blah witty banter funny comment laugh hysterically more blah blah yackety schmackety tell a timely political joke!

Okay, you've made it this far...
What I’m doing with my life
***CENSORED***
What, I can't say ***CENSORED***???
Son of a ***CENSORED***!

Since all the cool stuff I do is censored, like ***CENSORED*** and ***CENSORED***, I will say that I am currently working in media.
I co-host and executive produce a radio show, am working to sell a couple TV show concepts (that I also hope to work) and am writing screenplays. Do what you like, right?
My past jobs are as far from what I'm doing now as can be.
In February I'll be working as an Associate Producer on a studio feature film to be released in theaters in 2016 as well as on a TV series as a studio liaison.
In my past lives I was a network admin and a cop.
I’m really good at
...filling these things out.

*INSERT X-RATED BUT COMICALLY APPROPRIATE COMMENT HERE*

I also know the difference between "two/too/to" and "their/there/they're". I've also been known to get "your/you're" correct on occasion.

I'm also a fairly decent cook when it comes to things like comfort foods. I also have no fear diving into a cookbook and tearing it up in the kitchen.
The first things people usually notice about me
The straightjacket. They ALWAYS notice the straightjacket! And why shouldn't they? It's by Joseph Abboud and it fits PERFECTLY! It's comfortable, the fit is well (and quite adjustable) and yet it restricts movement without binding in all the wrong places!

They also usually notice my "escorts". (Seriously, they're just there to make sure I don't hurt myself or try to escape. They're really a nice couple of guys!)

They also notice my inappropriate sense of humor (under control MOST times, so you CAN take me out in public without TOO much fear of embarrassment.

My friends say I'm the guy that makes Howard Stern blush.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I'll see whatever my parole officer lets me see.

I keep up on current events and hope you are, too.
I am into politics, but if you're left-leaning I suggest you look elsewhere unless you enjoy spirited debate.

As for books I am currently reading Red Cell (Richard Marcinko's autobiography) Save The Cat, and Catching Salinger.
The six things I could never do without
1) Bail money.
2) A good excuse that fits any situation.
3) Cake. (Who doesn't like a good cake?)
4) An alibi. (Would you be mine?)
5) Oxygen. (I think EVERYONE needs a little of that.)
6) More bail money.

Seriously? Okay...
1) My family.
2) My friends.
3) My dog. Yeah, I said it.
4) Money. What? I need money to pay for stuff! At least I am honest about it! And if money cannot buy happiness I guess I'll have to rent it! (Wait, that's not what I meant. Get your mind outta the gutter!)
5) GOOD food. Not just some gutfiller, but a unique and amazing gastromical experience!
6) Back rubs.
7) Dark Chocolate
8) More Dark Chocolate...honeycomb.

Oh, and I have a weakness for fried chicken.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
...the same thing we do EVERY night, Pinky, trying to take over the WORLD!
(Bonus points if you understand the reference)

In February 2016, I will begin working as an Associate Producer (A.P.) on a feature film as well as a studio liaison on a TV series so I spend time thinking about that.
On a typical Friday night I am
Trying to figure a way out of the asylum. Also doing a weekly talk radio show that happens to be on world-wide every Friday from 5-7PM. It's fun, cathartic, and lets me really let twisted-fun sense of humor out of its cage.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
If I told you it would no longer be private, now would it!

Okay, here goes...

One time, in my youth...I actually paid money to see a Steven Seagal movie in theaters! There, I said it! (I am so ashamed!!!)

Actually, my secrets are so secret that even *I* don't know them-only the NSA does.
You should message me if
You haven't run away screaming by now.

Also, if you voted for Obama, then you probably SHOULDN'T message me.

BONUS-You love Christmas as much as I do!
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