I live with a guy who was my boyfriend, but things got a little weird recently. We both date other people.
I was a librarian. I'm also an artist.
I have a lot of books. I read most of the time. And draw. I like to make myself sneeze. I don't like to kill bugs. I pick my nose and eat the boogers. Yes, I really do eat the boogers. Not that I do this ostentatiously or in public, but still. Heads up. I've been doing it my entire life and will probably never stop.
I don't drink. Stop asking me if I want to go get a drink. I don't care if you drink (not to excess, please) but I'll never be doing it again.
I am a junk magnet. I once left my Brooklyn apartment with nothing but a homemade bag, a homemade dress, a homemade wallet, and a sketchbook. When I returned six months later, it was in a VW bus full of stuff. It's not something I feel I can control. I collect cat whiskers. (That's them.)
I can be a little mean, but it's actually just a defense mechanism and I secretly feel guilty later. Also it's that 'ruthlessly honest / someone had to say it' kind of mean, so it's hilarious anyway.
As I get older I'm starting to observe more and more that the things other people care about are often different than the stuff I feel like talking about:
Them: Politics / Music
Me: Local history / Antique medical equipment
I have a moderate amount of tattoos, but probably won't be getting many more.
I sort of vacillate between wanting to punch people in the face and pet their hair. Please don't talk to me about books you've read or movies you've seen unless you've actually read or seen them.
I am empathetic, irritable, and self-deprecating.
Someone I'm looking for might be like this:
• Someone I can tell everything to, and they would never be upset by it
• Love me for who I am, which includes being slightly crazy
• Mindful and observant
• Excited and enthusiastic
In relation, someone messaged me and asked how I started collecting antique medical equipment. This is how: When I was 19 I typed 'vagina' into eBay's search field. An item came up with the title "VINTAGE VAGINA MEDICAL TOOL BABY PULLER!" I clicked in fascination and it turned out to be a pair of shiny steel forceps. So I bought them. That was the first time.
I'm fairly skinny, but I have a nice big butt. (See photos.)
1. Specimen Days, by Michael Cunningham
2. The Secret History, by Donna Tartt
3. The Time Traveler's Wife, by Audrey Neffenegger
I'm usually reading two at a time. Those up there have been my top three for a year or two. I thought Geek Love was overrated. Circus Freaks = Neat. Fictional book featuring some freaks = Not necessarily neat. Along the same lines: One Chuck Palahniuk book = Fun. The same book rewritten a million times with various 'edgy' plotlines = Redundant.
1. O Brother Where Art Thou
2. American Beauty
3. Harold and Maude
I am the only person on Earth who doesn't like Wes Anderson. I think his movies are pretentious.
1. Leonard Cohen
2. Oingo Boingo
3. Hope For Agoldensummer
My secret shame: Though I do love certain songs to a fault, I'd rather sit in silence than listen to music. I don't go berserk over it. Ooo! Except that I have just discovered Die Antwoord. I'm berserk for them right now.
After I eat curry, my armpits will smell like it for up to a week!
2. Physical affection
5. My cat, Malady (actually he died a couple years ago and it destroyed my life for a while)
Whether or not my cat is okay. (He died, it was awful)
The fact that everyone knows twelve times twelve equals 144 because it was the highest number in that little chart in the back of your marble notebook in elementary school.
Sunken ships with everything inside preserved perfectly on the shelves.
How to rhyme the lyrics of current songs with new words to make the song as hilarious as possible. (My current blue-ribbon winner is making Prince's 'Raspberry Beret' into a song about Farenheit 451 The title? 'Bradbury Flambé'.)
Okay, I wrote this thing about the sex I like the most, and sex in general:
I've had sex with a lot of people. I'm turned on by / get off on a lot of predictable and probably not-so-unusual things. Specifically as possible:
• Tall lanky guys
• The sound a knife makes when it opens
Conversely, I'm not into the BDSM 'lifestyle', don't want to get trussed up to a cross, or led around on a leash. I'm not going to call you 'Master' or let you eat dinner off my butt (unless you're ShawnSPC).
I keep adding to this. This time it's to state that yes, I do like crazy sex. This doesn't mean I'm here wanking frantically in front of the monitor, waiting for people whom I have nothing in common with to message me. If you don't, and you do, I'm going to take a hilarious screencap and post it on various online photo-hosting sites. Make sure you have something to say beyond "want to watch me [sic] penis?". Yes, that was a real IM. And yes, I posted it on the Internet.
Also, cuddling and making fun of TV is nice. I will laugh gleefully and grab you in a giant hug at all the best parts.
If you just want to see me naked and not have to pretend you're interested in talking with me, I'd suggest going here and searing for 'Oubliette'.
You and several of your bros want to fill me out like an application.
You know the difference between "your" and "you're" and you know why the apostrophe goes in "it's" but not "its".
You're the imaginary person I described in the 'What I'm doing with my life' section.
You want to say threatening and sexually-charged things quietly in my ear with your Irish accent. And not because you're good at imitations. Because you actually have one.
You're that redheaded guy from Mythbusters. Adam Savage.