33 Columbus, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
I am extremely prone to bouts of random fascination. I'm loyal to a fault. I only date one woman at a time. If you poke my belly button, I will burst in a shower of confetti.
What I’m doing with my life
Playing out every moment as an action sequence in my head.
I’m really good at
Oh hell.

Writing, reading, and speaking English well enough to make eavesdroppers feel uncomfortable. Air Guitar. Texting. Taking bad pictures. FREAKING OUT, MAN. Not doing drugs. Throwing away stuff I need later. Wishing I could draw so I could do comics. Beating around the bush. Being a secret agent. Throwing out pretense. Setting fire to things that should not be on fire. Tripping into things. Not abbreviating. Love making (Ladies...). Gum chewing. Rocking out. Overall weirdness.
The first things people usually notice about me
"That guy has no idea what he's doing. He is literally improvising at life. "
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Transmetropolitan, anything Neil Gaiman, Stephen Hawking, Carl Sagan, Warren Ellis

Movies: anything riffed by the MST3K crew, Star Trek, Star Wars, Planet Earth, The Onion Movie, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Shows: My Little Pony by force of children. Also The Amazing World of Gumball.

Music:80s metal, Sinatra, Classical, Nerdcore

The six things I could never do without
My kids, rifftrax, the internet (all the world's knowledge at my disposal? Yes please), sunflower seeds, explosions and kung fu.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
She was an intellectual just like him.

“How do I know you’re worth my time?” It was the obvious question, and she wasn’t one to mince words.

His confident smile was almost unnerving, but the way his eyes looked away for a moment told her there was more there than just self-ignorant brazenness.

“Because my kids want to share with me”

“Bullshit answer. You’re their caregiver. As long as you provide the necessities and they know it, they’ll…” He cut her off.

“If you discovered a brand new cure for hepatitis, who would you tell first, before the press and the medical field and all that?”

She paused at the odd question as sunlight pushed it’s way through the scattered clouds and warmed their table. He took a sip of his coffee and watched it light up her auburn hair.

“I…I don’t know. My mom maybe. What does that have to do with your kids?”

“Because every day for them is enlightenment. Every hour there’s something amazing, something they didn’t know about the way the world works. A new word or phrase. Counting to higher numbers, math, spelling, food, it’s all new, and all fantastic. Everything is a discovery worth celebrating and the one person they come to before any other to share that with is me.”

“Well who else are they going to share it with?”

“That’s just it. They’re not just discovering the world and then sharing it with me. They could do that with anybody, or not at all. They choose instead to discover the world with me, to make me a part of their expedition.”

“So why did you ask me out?” She emphasized the “me”.

Quizzical look.

“You know I don’t typically date. I’m not somebody looking for sex, I’m not really looking for anything, and barring sex you seem to have all your companionship needs met. I’m sure you could talk your way into some other girl’s panties a whole lot easier.”

“You already suspected it’s not about sex, or you wouldn’t be here.”

“What is it then?"

“I already know calculus, I understand – more or less – how the universe works on both a very large and very tiny scale. The simple discoveries are all gone, the day to day joy of discovering what sound a cow makes or seeing a train go by. I can't share the nuance of zen philosophy with them, they just won't understand. But we still discover things, adults do. The experience of a new restaurant, or finding a simple solution to a complex problem, or even just a good sitcom."


“So who do I have to go out and discover the world with?”
On a typical Friday night I am
Fridays are for relaxing. Saturdays are for fun. Sundays are for ramping motorcycles over busses which are exploding and filled with unicorns.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I regularly try to kill people with my mind.
You should message me if
You're a fire breathing, dragon punching, guitar wailing, shark riding, bacon eating, bad movie watching, metal listening, explosion causing, laser beaming, bullet biting thunder goddess.