23 Nottingham, United Kingdom
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My self-summary
Are you tired of seeing the same “Hai sexii wazzup wit dat ass?” message day in and day out?

Are you looking for something different?

Are you looking for someone who doesn’t take life seriously? Do you want someone who likes the simple things, such as the smell of mown grass, a bird chirping, and burglary? Want someone to take you on an adventure? Want someone creative who draws, writes and acts a lot? Perhaps you’d like to be with someone who likes to have fun and refuses to let others be sad?

Well, you’ve come to the right place!

But wait! There’s more!

For a limited time only, I will repel spiders in your home. No more scary shit in your basement! With a 92% success rate, I will automatically banish any spiders within a mile radius of your home!

Message now, and you’ll get not one, not two, but THREE KITTENS IN THE POST! These kittens are bred to be the cutest things in all of existence. How cute are these kittens? 10 OUT OF 10 ON SEAN CONNERY’S OFFICIAL CUTE-O-METER, THAT’S HOW CUTE! THESE KITTENS LIGHT UP THE HOUSE LIKE IT’S MOTHERFUCKING CHRISTMAS.

Message now to take advantage of this limited time offer!

*please note, if the kittens are out of stock, you shall receive a complimentary ant-farm, or failing this, a jar of filth and ash.
What I’m doing with my life
I’m studying graphic design at Nottingham Trent at the moment, and trying to break through into the humour industry. Which is harder than I thought, mostly because I'm not sure it even exists.
I’m really good at
Realising I crossed the line with a joke. Then re-crossing it trying to fix the damage. I'm a master at the awkward silence.

I'm more than a little weird. I'm very good at not making sense.

I'm great with Photoshop. I can do stuff on there that would make your eyes water. If your eyes don't water, don't worry. I can just make them look like they're watering in Photoshop.

It really bothers me when people are upset or feeling down, so I’m always trying to cheer guys up. Remember the one person you always knew how to fix your love life, but could never get their own shit together?

I also know the entire LOTR and Harry Potter saga scripts by heart...which is sortof pathetic but oh well.

If you need any monsters killing, I could probably do it. I've watched enough Supernatural to pick up tips. Plonk me down in a room full of ghosts and wendigos and I could totally survive.
The first things people usually notice about me
My eyes, because they’re like two little gemstones lying on a beach at sunset whilst the waves gently kiss the sandy shore.

Too much?

It’s probably the stuff I say to be honest. I like saying normal things in different ways. Odd compliments are my thing. I once sent a girl the following:

“You make my heart strong. And my prostate stronger.”

Thank God she laughed. Oh Jesus, I just re-read it and I cringed so hard I heard a creak in my neck. Even my laptop shook it’s head and muttered “Dude…”
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
In terms of books and movies, I'd say any type of horror. I'm a huge Stephen King and H.P Lovecraft fan. Classical literature like The Iliad, The Odyssey, Divine Comedy and Edgar Allen Poe is great too. I tried reading one of those "50 Shades of Grey" follow up books once. I have never laughed so hard in my life. Nearly got thrown out of Waterstones I was laughing so hard. So let's put badly written erotica on this list. Why not?

I'm a fan of comedy too. Anything by Edgar Wright is great, from Spaced to Shaun of the Dead. Same goes for Joss Whedon. I find that older comedy is so much better than the modern stuff. The Two Ronnies, Monty Python, Fawlty Towers, all amazing. Although I do like Friends, American Dad, Family Guy, Robot Chicken, Adventure Time, Parks and Recreation, Doctor Who, Breaking Bad and Sherlock.

Movies...I vary quite a lot. Action, horror, comedy, all good. Taken, Die Hard, Indiana Jones, The Avengers, The Green Mile, Shawshank Redemption, The Dark Knight trilogy, Iron Man, Harry Potter, Back to the Future, Dead Poets Society, the list goes on.

I love Michael Jackson, and since I'm also a part time dance-alike, I could listen to his music all day. I like 80's music the best. No particular artist though, just that style. I listen to a lot of radio shows like XFM, I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again, and Ivor Cutler. Again, anything comedy based.

I'm a PS3 gamer as well, though I normally only like stuff that either has a good story or mindless killing for me. My top games would have to be Uncharted, The Last of Us, Heavy Rain, Skyrim, Portal and Dear Esther.

Food...I guess chicken's always good. Roast chicken and gravy would do me. And BBQ sauce. Thick rivers of BBQ sauce. Oh, and bacon. Anything in bacon.
The six things I could never do without
1) Imagination
2) Finding humour in everything
3) Drawing materials
4) Generally interesting and quirky people.
5) A good solid internet connection.
6) Pugs. Slight obsession
I spend a lot of time thinking about
It varies. Occassionally there'll be serious stuff. This usually only last a few seconds before they're eclipsed by thoughts about what would happen if badgers managed to take over our society. Huge badgers in hard hats making us dig their sets whilst they dip hob nobs into giant vats of Earl Grey. The mind boggles.
On a typical Friday night I am
Normally at home, either writing or drawing. Saturday's the going-out night for me. Hit the dance-floor, stay there all night, stagger home, have trouble moving my legs the next morning; absolute bliss.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
One time I unscrewed my crotch and my head fell off.

A serious thing? OK: I'm a very very shy person in reality. Being weird and quirky around people is my coping mechanism. It helps me relax.
You should message me if
you think you could keep up with me. If you can make me laugh, or think I could make YOU laugh. Then again, if I make you laugh, we shall usher you back into the room you escaped from and chain you back to your desk. Seriously, if you're as crazy as I am, we'd get on great.