Diceman_9000
25 Portland, United States
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Diceman_9000
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My self-summary
I'm gonna write a lot, because fuck it.

I spend my spare time complaining about my life, watching stuff on Netflix, eating tasty food and planning what I'm gonna buy in the future. I'm a weirdo first, and a nerd second. This shows in that most of my brain power is used on making bad puns, and the rest is spent being anxious about everything. Otherwise, I like video games, sci-fi, horror, tabletop gaming (Dungeons and Dragons and its many variants), everything offensive, sexual innuendo (more like in-your-end-o), and daydreaming. I work, I'm almost done saving for a car, and I plan on getting my own place (or at least with a roomie or two) at least within a year, otherwise I'm blowing my brains out. I'm a flirt, and if we get along well, you most likely will be, too. It would be normal for us both to check out other chicks together, but when I'm with someone my goal is to make them my partner, not just a fling. Talk to me about nerdy shit or otherwise complain about stuff and I'd be happy to listen.

Politics: Equal rights for everyone, with a dose of compassion, understanding and cooperation. I support Bernie Sanders and hate Trump. I'm pro-choice, pro-gun, pro-mental health, want a $15 federal minimum wage, and believe we could achieve a lot by following the practices of European countries. In my opinion, a universal basic income would do a lot more for poor families than using an outdated, inefficient welfare system. Assuming people need to earn their right to survive is bullshit; we're an advanced enough civilization that we could easily house and feed all of the homeless/refugees/poor, as well as provide decent health care along with other basic needs for all our citizens. I also am totally okay with GMO foods, most of the stuff done to food is on a genetic/molecular levels and only does things like make them more resistant to bacteria/rot. Just because your carrots will last a few more days does not mean you will get cancer.

Religion: I'm not sure what I am. When I feel good I'm more of a hippie, feeling like everything is connected, like all of existence essentially is what we understand as 'God'. Otherwise when I feel bad, I tend to be more of an atheist. I don't really talk about religion all that much, but I'm willing to respect others' beliefs as long as they don't impinge upon the lives and happiness of others. The worst thing someone can be is a bigot. I'm friends with Christians, Satanists, Muslims, Atheists, some of which are more devout than others, and we get along swimmingly.

Drugs/Alcohol: I don't care if you do, as long as you don't smoke or toke where I could breathe it in, it messes with my anxiety. I used to be a huge pothead (420blazeit), done molly once or twice, and drank a few times, but all that stopped when I tried dropping acid once. I almost lost my marbles, and ever since I've dealt with severe depression and anxiety that affects me in both small, and big ways. If I could smoke pot without it making me feel bad I would, because it helped me relax and made everything more interesting. Alcohol either made me feel dumb, anxious, or flirting than normal, otherwise it gave me liquid confidence.

Car: I do not drive yet. If this is a problem, fugghedaboutit.

Kids: I want at least one someday. Apparently this is more important to me than I thought. I was in love with a woman, or at least I thought I was, but she definitely didn't want kids someday. She was also the best partner I'd ever had and the best person (in most ways) I'd ever met, and having to break up was heartbreaking for me. I tried really hard to not want kids, read articles, watched videos about the issue of overpopulation, everything, but somehow having a rugrat someday was more important to me than staying with her.

Work: I do customer service and hate it, but hopefully if I keep my job come the end of my temp assignment, they'll let me move to a different department, with much better pay and much better work. If I could do anything, I have no idea exactly, but it might involve a number of things: using math, using my hands, being outside at least some of the time, making things, for God's sake NOT being in a cubicle, and having time to work with other people as coworkers. I've thought of learning a trade, which I may consider if this temp assignment doesn't work out. Computer stuff could be neat, but there's so much specificity and specialization that I'd get frustrated, even though everyone seems to think I'd be good at it because I wear glasses. Ultimately, I just wanna be happy with what I do. Thus far in my life I've felt like I need a passion to pursue, but at this rate, I'd be happy just not hating my job and having decent free time to do stuff.
What I’m doing with my life
Furiously masturbating to SkyMall catalogs and making "That's what she said" jokes.

But actually, working all of the time, playing Dungeons and Dragons, Netflix and chill, video games, and escaping mom's house when I can. I don't have much of a life. Why are there so many special snowflakes on here, at least in my area? Is it because its Portland? Half of the people on here have done stuff like globetrotting, goat raising, unicycle riding and bagpipe playing.
I’m really good at
picking up heavy things and putting them down (like your mom)
making dad jokes
having awesome eyebrows
being the weirdest person in the room (in a good way, not like that other creepy dude at work)
being the butt of jokes, apparently, though always in good fun
making people uncomfortable when they deserve it
absorbing your bad vibes. According to my ex, I'm like a sponge for bad feels and generally help people relax.
doubting myself
sounding like I care in a customer service role
being polite when appropriate
being inappropriate when appropriate
The first things people usually notice about me
I look like someone you know, most likely. I am hairy and I have a big smile. People usually tell me the way I talk is weird, but nobody's been able to put a finger on exactly how. I can turn my customer service personality on and off at a moment's notice without even thinking about it. I'm also very expressive, gesture with my hands to some degree, and I am a hugger if you let me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
A bunch of shit I like in no order: Dungeons and Dragons, Doctor Who, Avatar the Last Airbender, pizza, Chinese food, butts, Age of Empires, Skyrim, Fallout, Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, Rick and Morty, Scrubs, House, Batman, the Flash (the show), The 10th Kingdom, Sandman, books by Neil Gaiman, Settlers of Catan, Magic the Gathering, Pathfinder, World of Darkness, multi-sided dice, Ben and Jerry's, apple juice, peanut M&Ms, boobs, Beethoven, Johann Sebastian Bach, Metallica, BoB, Tech N9ne, Frank Sinatra, Iron Maiden, the Black Keys, Rage Against the Machine, System of a Down, Harry Potter, guns, 4chan, Slayer, Black Sabbath, B.B. King, Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, the Eagles, the Beatles, Rock Band, cuddling, Netflix and chill, hiking, McDonalds, some shitty dubstep, Dominos pizza, and I'll add more later if and when I think I think of it.

Books: https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/9819598-chris-black?shelf=read

Movies! Almost everything by Quentin Tarantino and everything by Kevin Smith, Indiana Jones kicks ass, I like stuff with monsters and aliens, and Hayao Miyazaki films are the bee's knees, plus a lot more. Ask me!

Shows! Mercifully few: Supernatural, Game of Thrones, Law and Order SVU and NCIS are all pretty rad, Doctor Who is brilliant, and a fair number of other shows are pretty rad, too. Ask me!

Music! Too fucking much, just ask. So much good shit, basically anything from 1920 til now. Especially the Black Keys, Slayer, old Metallica, Frank Sinatra, and blues/jazz in general.
The six things I could never do without
Integrity, self-respect, wisdom, kindness, peace of mind, and a comfy bed to crash in at the end of the night.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
If I'll ever see that cute girl that smiled at me on the bus again. My eventual death and decay into nothingness, or embracing the All-Spirit, whichever comes first. The same thing over and over again. My insecurities, and how they affect me. How much I hate my job, but need the money, so I do it anyways because I have a goal in mind. Your impression of me as a person based on what I write here, and how you interpret it.
On a typical Friday night I am
Relaxing at home and staying up late so I can sleep in late on Saturday, most likely either reading comics, chatting with people online, or living vicariously through strangers on the Internet.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I almost lost my mind from dropping acid once, it was the last time I ever used anything.

I'm also technically autistic, but the last time I got tested, I was functionally non-autistic. Go figure.
You should message me if
I don't message you, you think I'm attractive or you're intrigued by me in one way or another. I don't talk to people that won't hold a conversation, one-word replies are bullshit, yo.

Please message me if you have any corny jokes, I love them and can't get enough of them.
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