34Cleveland, United States
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My self-summary
"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense."



I'm not dark. I'm bright and shiny and all things rainbows and kittens. I'm scatterbrained, but not an idiot. I'm the girl that stops to look at the shiny pretty thing - the flower, the shoes, the interesting bug (that doesn't look like it has painful pointy bits to use on me). I love owning shoes, and hate wearing them. I'm a hippie at heart, trying to find the motivation to conform to corporate standards and failing about half the time. I'm allergic to my favorite beer, I still have my ViewMaster from when I was a kid, and my room is always a mess.

I am a cluttered dusty attic of a girl, which means I'm full of fascinating little corners, strange old toys, skittery mice, and will possibly make you sneeze.

Staying home makes me happy a good portion of the time. I love cuddling up to consume media and share personal space with someone I care about. I'm a horrid cook, though I love to surround myself with foodies. Go me for having good taste. ;)

TL;DR: Basically, I am the Manic Pixie Dream Girl after the movie ends. I will most certainly open your eyes to new universes and encourage you to find yourself - but I am an adult with my own desires and passions, and I won't put those aside for someone else's self-exploration or ambition.

Of note: My best friend told me recently, "The people that draw you are like art. They've got some color and sparkle to them. There's nothing wrong with that. You will never look back and say, "oh yes, that guy... they just all blend together." You look for somebody who sparkles, who is unlike everyone else. This is to be admired, my dear." These words describe what I seek in such a perfect way, and I don't think I could ever have said it better.


I'm a queer polyamorous kinky geek, which means I absolutely love to get into discussions and nerd out over relationships, gender, sexuality, BDSM, and anything else you can come up with. Intelligent, rational discussions like these make me incredibly happy. (NOTE: This is not actually an invitation to start a conversation by talking about sex. If I'm being nice I'll ignore those. If not, I'll let you know exactly how inappropriate that is.)

My life is a fairly open book, though there are still some separations and secrets that I keep. My insecurities still tend to hide themselves when it's time to face up to them, but that's simply part of being human.


Things I like: The word fuck. Cartoons. The word cunt. JC Chasez. DMB. Phish. Cibo Matto. Blind Man's Sun. BT. Good grammar. Proper spelling and punctuation. Intelligence. That rare person that can actually rein me in. Determination. Musicians. Nerds. Geeks. Gamers. The truly unique. Language of any kind. Intellectualizing. Stargazing. Yoga. Dr. Pepper. Goldschlager. Bawls. Pasta. Rice. Chopsticks. Mild clutter. Cluttered minds. Fast cars. Oxymorons. Learning new music. Analyzing music. Writing music. Actually making a melody to my satisfaction. Cats. Thunderstorms. Poker. James Spader. Michael Rosenbaum. Nathan Fillion. Tabletop RPGs. Elves. Faeries. Beautiful things that don't really exist. Dragons. Leather and rope with strawberries and champagne. The good kind of pain. Penguins. Accents. Male musk. All things beautiful. Dirty kisses. Talent. Firm hands. Alone time.


Things I don't: Stupidity. The inability to give respect. People that can't hold a conversation without turning it to sex - sex is amazing, but it's not everything. People that don't read profiles - they're here for a reason. Sloppy kissers. Sloppy sex. Sloppy people in general. Narcissists. Immaturity. Crowd followers. People without their own opinion - right or wrong, you damn well better have one and be able to justify it. Spiders. Needles. The bad kind of pain. Too much alone time. People that think they have all the answers.

I am vibrant, eccentric, and bedazzlerific
What I’m doing with my life
Check out my tumblr at dirtyheartblues.tumblr.com - you'll get a pretty good idea of what's going through my head at any given point. :)

I have some specific goals to achieve, but no set timeline in which to complete this task. I've fallen in love with the journey towards what I want - the trip is almost as satisfying as the end goal. I'm searching for people who move me, inspire me, urge me to become better than I am.

Also, learning Japanese, finding the meaning of life in miscellaneous song lyrics, and trying to figure out where the world ends and I begin. :)

Sexual freedom is a personal passion, and making education available to those looking to explore is something I'd love to focus more of my time on. I'd love to eventually do some teaching or presenting on BDSM or sexuality-based topics, but I haven't quite found my voice yet.

There are some people floating around here who are important in my life for one reason or another - not necessarily partners, but those who know me better than anyone else. Check them out - they're all awesome people, and shining examples of the people I seek out in my life.

I’m really good at
Saying things without thinking, though I regret it rarely. I tend to have a pretty good feel for myself that way. I'm also pretty good at making jewelry, thinking creatively, and being a little bit strange. :)

I've decided to expound on this a bit. I'm good at little things - eye contact, listening, being amusing and a bit of a flake. I'm comfortable in my own skin most of the time, and I'd like to think that I'm good at making others comfortable around me.

I'm also really good at analyzing my own feelings and being able to communicate them, and I tend to use this a LOT.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm pretty short - only 5'2. Tend to be fairly animated, though, and a bit loud at times. I guess I feel the need to make up for my lack of physical presence with volume. I'm usually wearing a funny t-shirt or some such randomness, so there's probably something amusing to read. I also appear to be losing my depth perception a bit - at least that's the excuse I give when I bump into things.

I also tend to be fairly easily distracted, which at times makes me come across rather ditzy. I'm not an airhead, as you can see, but my attention span leaves a little to be desired.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
(A) The Fountainhead (yes, I know - I don't agree with her, I just really enjoyed the book!), anything by Diana Gabaldon or Anne Rice (up until her conversion), The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series, Cave of Tigers (a book of Zen Buddhist encounters)...really, I'll read just about anything.

(B) The Usual Suspects, Empire Records, Swordfish, Interview with the Vampire, Poolhall Junkies, Secretary, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, On the Line, Serenity, Moulin Rouge, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, The Fountain, Harold and Maude (it's like looking into my future!)...I like lots of things.

(C)I'm an audiophile. I may not be great at making music, but I have this insatiable desire to hear it all the time. Out of necessity in my last apartment, I discovered the joy of wearing headphones on a regular basis - I absolutely love being wrapped in sound.

'NSYNC ~ Blind Man's Sun ~ Dave Matthews Band ~ Poe ~ Cibo Matto ~ BT ~ Zappa ~ Phish ~ Usher ~ Basement Jaxx ~ Ween ~ Utada ~ Wheatus ~ The Weakerthans ~ moe. ~ The Flaming Lips ~ Stephen Lynch ~ Oysterhead ~ Prince ~ Lovage ~ Anything with Les Claypool (Frog Brigade, Primus, Bucket of Bernie Brains, etc) ~ Jason Mraz ~ JC Chasez ~ Iron and Wine ~ Buckethead ~ Celldweller ~ Eiffel 65 ~ Robert Randolph and the Family Band ~ Josh Woodward ~ Guster ~ Ben Lee ~ Nikola Sarcevic ~ Jump, Little Children ~ musicals (Rent, Avenue Q, Wicked) ~ Stars ~ Sylvan Esso ~

(D) Chocolate, pasta, soy sauce, sushi, fried chicken
Six things I could never do without
OH GOD I HAVE TO REDO MY LIST because now I have to live without TWO of the things on it!

I had to send my cat to live with my Mama because housing situations prohibited me from keeping her with me. I miss her terribly, but she's quite happy with my mother, and they totally deserve each other. Also, I've developed an intolerance for most beer and wine, which relegates me to mixed drinks. Someone must teach me the art of the bartender so I can booze myself!

To actually answer the question, though:
1) The opportunity to practice love
2) People around me who challenge me to be better than I am
3) The horrible, spiraling black hole of a time sink that is the Internet
4) My phone, simply because I cannot cope with being forcibly disconnected from the world
5) A source of positive energy - sometimes a person, sometimes a picture, sometimes a song
6) Time alone to recharge
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Life, why I'm where I am, what lessons I'm to be learning at this point and where I'll go next. I'm a firm believer in a fair amount of predestination - we have specific lessons to learn, and we have to keep an eye out for them and the people to help us along the way.

Spiritually, I'm a mishmash. I do my best to follow the mantra of elimination of bias and narrowing desire in favor of an openness to experience and the moment. I also try not to plan things (and end up doing it anyways), which makes me slightly flaky by default, but I'm okay with that. You can be too - I'm worth it. :)

I spend a lot of time thinking about posts for my blog that never actually make it there, and trying to figure out how to express what I've learned in my years in the kinky community. I -know- that I have knowledge to offer - I just don't know how to throw it down yet.

I also think about relationships, and why we qualify them the way we do. How we create these boundaries for ourselves that narrow our chances for happiness and love for no good reason outside of the fact that it's common and comfortable to do things a certain way.
On a typical Friday night I am
Going out with someone special, having dinner with my housemate, or surfing the net/watching Netflix before an early night. Not much for going out just for the sake of not being home - I like my home!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
That I'm still learning where I fit in - I'm nowhere near done with my journey yet, and it's a bit of a struggle.

I hook my pinky toes over the edges of my sandals.

I wiggle my fingers when I'm looking for something, like I'm doing magic to things.

I have recently acquired the habit of providing my own achievement sound effects whenever I complete a task. I don't know when I started, but I feel like a video game character when I realize that I've done it.

I write with crappy glitter gel pens specifically to "accidentally" get the glitter all over myself.

I also have passionate, intense secret (and not so secret) crushes that include (but are not limited to) Hollywood celebrities, kink educators, and friends of my friends.
You should message me if
You have the ability to communicate well, and you have something interesting for which to use that skill.


DISCLAIMER: I am NOT known for being kind to those I find irritatingly stupid - and this is where you'll find my meanest streak, actually. If you message me without so much as an attempt to sound intelligent and get away with being ignored, consider yourself lucky. I'm incredibly particular when it comes to communication online, and I'm pretty unrepentant about it. Punctuate and spell check (or at least show effort at an attempt) or expect a fairly scathing reply.
The two of us